Friday, December 30, 2011

party pooper

I came across this YouTube video thanks to a blog I follow called Jamie the Very Worst Missionary.

Go watch the video, which is entitled Jennifer is a Party Pooper.  Then come back here for my commentary.

Ok, I hope you came back instead of getting sucked into YouTube and watching all of that guys videos.  I think the Party Pooper is the best one.  I watched 2 or 3 and then they got old.

However, Jennifer the Party Pooper made me laugh both times I watched it.  (I might watch it again later, just to see if the funny sticks.)

Here's why this video is funny:

1.  The accent.  This guy could say, "The sky is blue," and it would be funny.  His accent is hilarious.

2.  Poop.  The word poop is funny.  If we could all just admit this, life would be so much more carefree.

3.  I don't have to list anymore reasons because if you didn't think the first two were funny enough, then you clearly have no sense of humor and any other point I make would clearly not be able to convince you.  You would be officially classed as a  "party pooper".     

And if you didn't laugh at number 1 & 2 and then were unable to even smile at #3, maybe you should do some self-evaluation as the New Year begins, because I'm pretty sure you need to.

Also, as a PS - if you didn't click on Jamie the Very Worst Missionary, you should.  Even if you're not that into religion or whatever, she's a good laugh and might even make you think.  However, she does sometimes use language that may not be appropriate for some, so if you have a stick up your butt  if you don't like foul language, I would not recommend it. Wait, I take that back.  I would recommend it and if you choose to click on it and don't like it, don't say I didn't warn you. 

Happy New Year's Eve Eve!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

don't hate me because I'm...

If writing it down on paper, or online dating service, many people would use the phrase "animal lover" to describe themselves.

I am not one of those people. 

I mean, I'm not either of those...not an online dating service applicant NOR an animal lover.  I'm pretty sure if you say you are an animal hater that you wouldn't get picked for very many dates, no matter how fake your picture is.

Anyway....this post is NOT about online dating services.  It's about my lack of being an animal lover.

My problem is that I just don't know how to say it. 

If I say, "I'm an animal hater," it makes people want to throw red paint on me whether or not I am wearing fur.  (Which I do not, by the way.  But not b/c I feel sorry for animals, I'm just more of a WalMart shopper.)

So "animal hater" is out.  "Animal unlover" doesn't sound right either.

I don't hate animals.  I just don't love them.  I don't even like them, most of the time. 

I respect animals.  I think they should be fed/watered and taken care of properly.  I am thankful for animals that provide food and materials that I use every day. 

But I don't think animals are people.

I think sometimes people treat their animals better than they treat other people, which makes me sad and kind of angry.  When did this happen in our society?

Here's why I don't like animals very much:
1.  They can bite.  It only takes one time.
2.  They can destroy your stuff.  I kind of like my couch unclawed & my shoes unchewed.
3.  They stink.  I don't care how many baths you give them or how clean your house is - I can smell it.
4.  They require a lot of money, time and effort to maintain properly.   I am cheap and fairly lazy.
5.  You never know where their butts have been.  On your pillow while you were at work or on the couch where you just picked up a dropped cookie.  Ew.

Now, lest you think I'm a horrible person and have no heart whatsover.....

Here's what I DO like about animals:
1.  They provide food.   I like bacon, what can I say?
2.  They provide leather.  I like my sneakers to not be plastic.
3.  They provide protection.  My dog is scary and looks like a bear.  I give him credit for our house never being broken into.
4.  They are sometimes funny and cute.  "Sometimes" is the key word hereAFV has WAY too many unfunny videos.  However, there are exceptions to funny and cute.  Have you seen the pig in boots?
5.  They provide transportation.  I was kind of grasping at straws here on this last one, but I'm sure if I lived in a remote village somewhere I would be very happy to have a water buffalo or a camel.

And if that list wasn't enough to make you not hate me, here's something that I hope helps you hate me less:  I feel sorry for the animals at the zoo.  For real. 
And don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of pets during my lifetime.  Here's a list of animals I've owned in my life:  cows, goats, dogs, cats, guineas, and a chinchilla named Garth.   Yes, you heard me correctly.  A chinchilla lived inside my house.  No, I don't know what possessed me to say yes to that.  And guineas.  Raise your hand if you've ever had a guinea as a pet.  I'd say not very many of you are raising your hand.  Probably not very many of  you even know what a guinea is.  But that's ok, you can still feel superior since you are an animal lover and I am not.

So there, I've said it.  I don't really like animals. 

In my experience, I've only met one other person who is on the same page as me when it comes to animals.   Actually, there are 2.  One is my husband.  The other is my friend, who will remain unnamed because he/she may or may not have once lifted another friend's very small dog into an SUV by the leash so that he/she did  not have to touch the dog.  And that is why we are friends, because he/she knew that I would totally understand and would never say a word about it.  Except on my blog to my millions of minions 21 followers, including myself and one of my friends who somehow followed me twice, so really it's 19 plus any lurkers.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

pinning

Have you discovered the time warp  website known as Pinterest?

I'm sure it's popularity is probably going downhill at this point since I've just recently discovered it.
(My car still has a tape player, that's how current I am.)

Anyway, I've been wasting hours of my life discovering Pinterest and I really like it.

If you don't know, it's like an online corkboard where you can "pin" ideas, recipes, photos, and such.

Here's the thing:  once you start looking at it, you can't stop.  It's like a car accident on the side of the road.  You know you should stop looking but you can't help yourself.

Here's the other thing:  if you look at Pinterest while you are at work, you may laugh out loud uncontrollably & everyone you work with will look at you like you are looney.  Not that I've experienced that. 

But I'm just warning you incase you work somewhere that requires you to work instead of browse Pinterest.  Because the sudden outburst of laughter might give you away. 

Anyway, I'm sure my interest in Pinterest (say that 5 times fast) will fade, but for now, I think it's kind of fun.

On a side note, my favorite pin so far is a tiny pig wearing red rain boots.  I generally detest all animals, but this pig is quite the exception.  It just makes me smile.  Not sure if this will work or not, but we'll find out:  http://pinterest.com/ketchupwtfrys/so-darn-cute/

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

i hope you go to heaven

Every Wednesday night, we go to Awana at our church.

Superfrykid is in the Sparks class and she made something for her teacher today.

Here it is:

If you are having trouble reading it, this is what it says:
Dear, Mrs. Deanna
I love Sparks!  You are very good at teaching us abot God.  Hope you go too Heaven.  Love, Alaina

The drawing is an elf.  Looks like a zombie elf, but it's just a regular elf.

The elf is not the funny part.

The funny part is the last line.

"I hope you go to heaven."

This is kind of like someone from the south saying, "Bless your heart."

It seems like a nice thing to say. 

"I hope you go to heaven."  Insert fake smile here with hand on the other person's arm.

"Thanks, I hope you do too."  Insert fake smile here with turn around and eye roll.

Superfrykid was earnest and sincere.  She was trying to give the best compliment she could. 

That's why I love her.  She is honest and forthright and doesn't have the jaded sense of spirituality that I sometimes do.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

milk and honey

Have you ever perused the pages of the Samaritan's Purse catalog?

They really have some cool stuff.

You can buy a dairy goat for a family in another country. 

Guess what else you can buy?

Honey bees.

Wonder how many bees you actually get?  What if the bees sting a kid who is allergic?  What if the bees fly away and never come back to the person you gave them to?  What if the bees become African killer bees?.......these are the questions that go through my mind.

Back to the catalog.

If you buy a dairy goat AND bees, you can be super extra Christian-like and tell yourself you're giving milk and honey.

I'm pretty sure it makes you a better person if you donate money and make a biblical reference at the same time.

Seriously, though.  My niece bought a goat or something one year  in memory of our daughter and I must say, it's one of the nicest gifts we've ever received.  Or not received.  Whatever, you know what I mean. 

Saturday, December 3, 2011

fav Christmas ornament

So the post about Christmas carols is now the most viewed post on KWTF.

Whatever.

Can you tell I'm kind of irritated by that?  I mean, what about the fartner post?  I thought that one was pretty good.  But again, whatever.  Christmas is something we all have in common, so I get it.  (Farts are too, but most people are too polite to mention this.  I'm not.)

So, in keeping with what seems to be a popular theme....today's post is about Christmas ornaments.

I have ornaments that I made when I was a kid and some from Superfrydad's childhood too.

They are not the most beautiful ornaments, but they have sentimental value, so on the tree they go.

I have this one little plastic ornament that I love.  It's probably the most generic thing in the world, but if I had to put out just one item, this would be a contender.




I also have some old ornaments that were my grandmother's, which are very special to me.



Probably my favorite hand made ornament is this one, which I made in Sunday School in 1981.  I was 5 and I remember carefully putting the glitter around it.  Or maybe I am remembering another time I used glitter and conveniently associate it with this ornament.  Either way, this one makes me feel sentimental and brings back the smells of glue, glitter and the church basement.


Then there's Bert and Grover.  My sister has Ernie and Oscar.  I think I got the best deal out of that one.  Booyah, my sister!

And last, but not least, the scary Santa sleigh.  There's something about it that I love, yet I also think it's kind of creepy.  Who needs Elf on the Shelf when this Santa is watching?


What's your favorite ornament at your house?

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

the lawnmower incident of the mid 1980's

I have this friend, not the one who saved my life with a breastpump - another one, who has been my friend since we were born in 1976.  Let's call her Rihanna, just for kicks.  I feel I need to protect her identity for reasons which you will soon discover, so just go with the name, ok?

My sister, Pee, is 3 years younger than me.  (She's my younger and skinnier sister...but that's a story for another time.) 

Rihanna has a sister who is 2 years younger than she is. 

So there was this one time when we were kids....probably Rihanna and I were around 9 or 10 and the little sisters were around 6 or 7. 

Rihanna and her sister had a riding lawnmower that pulled a little wagon/cart behind. 

Note to parents:  Giving your child access to a riding lawnmower is not advisable.  I'm pretty sure our parents may have figured it was safer than a 4-wheeler or a motorcycle.  Like, how fast can you go on a lawnmower, right?  They underestimated our inherent evil thirst for adventure.

Anyway, like nice big sisters, we offered to take the little sisters for a ride in the cow field. 

Somehow, the little sisters got out of wagon/cart.  Maybe we made them get out.  I don't remember.  It's possible.  Even highly likely. 

The cow field was behind the house, but there was no one to hear them scream outside supervising us, so we proceeded to chase down our sisters with the lawnmower.

I remember them running and screaming and looking back, trying to run in a zig zag so we couldn't get them.  Rihanna and I were laughing hysterically and were truly trying to run them over with the lawnmower. To my utter shame, it still makes me laugh uncontrollably.

I really think had they run just a little slower, we would have plowed them down and then plonked the wagon over them for good measure.

This is probably one of those "you had to be there" kind of stories.  But it makes me laugh every time I think about it.  And it probably ranks as one of my top 5 childhood memories.

Not sure what that says about me, but I do know this:  Rihanna gets it.  And that's why I am thankful she is my friend.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

fav Christmas songs and carols

My sister, Pee (yes, that's her real nickname), was here last weekend.  In the course of our conversations, she mentioned that "God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen" was her favorite Christmas song.

I thought she was kidding.

I questioned her and she assured me that indeed, it is her favorite Christmas song.

Can I just say that it's probably my 91st favorite Christmas song? 

My sister just went down a notch in my eyes.  (I'm sure she is quite concerned.)

How can "God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen" be your favorite Christmas song? 

So it got me to thinking, what is my favorite Christmas song?

There are too many to actually pick a favorite, so I guess I will make a Top 5 List.  Actually, I'll make a couple of lists, because I'm awesome weird like that. 

And, I'll make them Top 7 Lists.

Because I can't pick just 5, but I'm too lazy to shoot for 10.

Here it goes:

Ketchup with the Frys Top 7 Hymns or Carols:
1.  O Come, All Ye Faithful
2.  Angels We Have Heard On High
3.  It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
4.  Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus
5.  What Child Is This
6.   Joy to the World
7.  The Friendly Beasts

Ketchup with the Frys Top 7 Random Christmas Songs:
1.  Run, Run Rudolph (Chuck Berry)
2.  Christmas Time is Here (Peanuts)
3.  Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Judy Garland in Meet Me in St. Louis)
4.  Santa Looked a Lot Like Daddy (Garth Brooks)
5.  Hanukkah Song (Adam Sandler)
6.  Christmas Song (Alvin & the Chipmunks)
7.  All I Want for Christmas Is You (Mariah Carey)

Ketchup with the Frys Top 7 Worst Christmas Songs:
1.  Christmas Shoes - I hear one note of this on the radio, and even if I have to swerve over into oncoming traffic, I reach over and turn it before the second note.  I abhor this song. 
2.  Do They Know It's Christmas? I know this is like a Feed the World, Save the Children kind of a song and it's probably wrong to not like this song, but I don't care, it gets on my nerves.
3.  Last Christmas (Wham)  Wham and Christmas do not go together.  Just sayin'.
4.  O Tannenbaum  Who says Tannenbaum?  If you're going to sing the whole song in German, go for it.  If not, O Christmas Tree will suffice.
5.  Mary, Did You Know? (Kenny Rogers)  I feel bad for not liking this song too, but Kenny Rogers is creepy.  And whenever someone sings this as a solo in church, it's never as good as it should be.  Which is unfortunate, because it has potential to be a nice song.  But I could tolerate it if not for Kenny Rogers.
6.  I Saw 3 Ships  The lyrics of this song say "...and what was in those ships all 3?...The virgin Mary and Christ were there..." Um, I'm pretty sure Mary and Baby Jesus were not on a ship.  Who wrote this song and why weren't they burned at the stake told the truth?
7.  My Grown Up Christmas List  Kind of like #2, I feel bad that I dislike this song because I guess it's nice and all.  However, it's annoying and I don't like it.  Hence it's appearance on this list.

Also, as a side note?  I bought the Phineas and Ferb Christmas CD.  It's not bad.  In fact, it's growing on me.  It's too early for me to pick a favorite tune, but maybe one will make the list next year!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

proper use of wood glue

Remember the cute little Halloween house we made?

Today we decided to make a Gingerbread House to add to our Christmas decor.  It's kind of a tradition around here and Superfrykid was super excited to work on this project today.



We knew that it was going to be a little dicey, because the main parts were broken when we opened the package.  Nothing a little wood glue can't handle, right?

Apparently wood glue is not for use on gingerbread.


Alas, the damages were too devastating and even wood glue could not fix it.

I guess that's what happens when you try to be cheap and buy a gingerbread house after Christmas for 75% off and save it for the following year. 

But I did have hopes that the wood glue would work.  Gingerbread house FAIL.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving, so let's talk about....deer.

Superfrydad went hunting this morning.  He got a deer.

That's Superfrykid balancing on the edge of the tailgate.  She was excited, but that was as close as she would get.  She was wearing her pink sparkle flip flops and didn't want to step on any blood.  I don't blame her. 

I'm thankful that he got this deer this morning because if he had gotten it later in the day, we may have been late for our Thanksgiving meal.  That would not have been good because I hate to be late and I have 20 pounds of potatoes ready to be made into a mountain of mashed potatoes.  Nobody likes cold mashed potatoes.

So now I need to go and start peeling potatoes.

Happy Thanksgiving.

If you just finished reading this and are judging me because I didn't list all the things I'm thankful for, poop on you.  I am thankful for all of the things that everyone else is thankful for, I just don't feel the need to list it here.  I feel that the One I need to thank is God, and he's not a follower of my blog as far as I know, so I will thank Him in private.  Not that I'm ashamed to thank Him publicly, it's just that whenever I see people listing all of their blessings on facebook, it feels like a brag-fest.

Happy Thanksgiving.  Sorry for the rant.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

no sleep or eyerolling, which do you prefer?

They say that 7 is the number of perfection.

I think "they" are right.

Superfrykid is 7 right now.

It's the best age!

I remember when Superfrykid was an infant and I didn't sleep for more than 53 minutes at a time, I would say to myself, "it will get easier, it will get easier." 

Months turned into years and I had a toddler.

It did not get easier.

The poop just got less seedy and she had the ability to run away and talk back.  Only slightly more sleep.  Different, but not easier.

I can finally say that I am now in "easier" mode.

Everything is easier with a 7 year old. 

It's awesome. 

Except when she rolls her eyes at me like she's 13.

But I must say, at this point in my life, if I had to choose between no sleep and an eyeroll, the eyeroll wins every time.

Monday, November 14, 2011

the best part of my day today

Remember the paper towel incident that happened last Friday?

Today I went to return something and I mentioned it to the cashier. 

She checked the official notebook entitled, "Stuff People Forgot" and scanned down the page to see if my paper towels were, indeed, listed among the billion other items left by people of the Mart.  (peeps o'the Mart, if you will.)

She did not find my paper towels listed among the items from 11-11-11.

Which means 1 of 2 things:
1.  Someone stole my paper towels from the cart in the parking lot.
2.  Someone turned in my paper towels but there was a failure to record it the official notebook of "Stuff People Forgot".

My paper towels happened to be on the receipt with the item I was returning. 

Guess what?

The cashier gave me a refund!!!  

I got my $7 plus change back in cash.

It was a great moment.

Triumphant, even.

I left with the money in my pocket and no paper towels.  I was too tired to walk back there and get them and wait in line.  We've lived since Friday without them, so we can wait til I shop again.

It was never about the paper towels anyway.

It was about doing the right thing and believing in others and justice for all!

It's a small victory, but it was the best part of my day.

Friday, November 11, 2011

the worst part of my day today

Went to WalMart today (aka the Ghetto of the Twighlight Zone)

Bought an 8 pack of Great Value paper towels.  They were 6.97.

I left them in the parking lot in the bottom rack of the cart.

I called WalMart, thinking maybe someone turned in my paper towels.

That was a total waste of time funny. 

I actually thought maybe someone would have had eyes seen me leave them under my cart and maybe that person would have not stolen them taken them back inside.

Now I'm out 6.97 plus tax and I have no paper towels.

I guess if this is the worst part of my day, I'm doing ok.

But it still irks me.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

turkey cookies

Seems like I post a lot of things that annoy me:  stink bugs, people, sugar bags, etc.

Today, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought I'd talk about something that makes me happy.  An unpeeve, if you will.



Break and Bake Cookies are the best.

Break and Bake Cookies with little turkeys on them?

Even better.

The inventor of these little cookies must be a genius.  I mean, how in the world could I ever make a cookie that even slightly resembles a turkey?  I can't even make a Mickey Mouse pancake without a disaster.

Another bonus point for this cookies is that you can say that you baked them. 

Because you did.

No batter bowls to wash, no sugar granules all over the place, no making sure your baking powder isn't 3 years old.....none of these trivial things to worry about when you bake these little darlings.  Plus, they might be one of the cutest things I've ever seen.

So in my list of things I'm thankful for.....turkey cookies are up there pretty high.  Not sure of their exact rank, but I'd say they might make the top 100.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

sugar bags are the devil

Am I the only person in the world who thinks that the way sugar is sold is stupid?

You buy a five pound bag of sugar. 

You carefully open the bag and a million granules of sugar spill everywhere.

No matter how carefully you open the bag, you WILL be getting sugar everywhere.

There's got to be a better way, people.

We can send men to the moon but we can't package sugar in a container that doesn't make a mess?

It's 2011.  Time to get rid of the paper bag rolled down and sealed with a glue stick. 

I'm just sayin'.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

vegetable soup with frys

It snowed several inches here today.

If you are an internet stalker determined to discover the location of KWTFrys, I just narrowed it down for you.


In other news, today I made homemade banana bread with mini chocolate chips.

I also made homemade vegetable soup.  I thought I had a partial bag of frozen corn.  Turns out, it was a bag of crinkle cut french fries.  Ketchupwiththefrys is now vegetablesoupwiththefrys.

Friday, October 28, 2011

photo fail

My sister came to visit yesterday.

We decided to try and get a cute fall photo of our children together.

Easy, right?

This is the best shot we got:


The look on the baby's face says it all....."This is not fun!  Leave us alone!"

So we did.  And we got zero good pictures.  However, we did laugh at the plethora of bad ones that we got. 

I just used the word plethora in a sentence. 

I think everyone should use the word plethora at least once per day.

Anyway, that picture is as good as it got on this particular day.

It's a lot like life.

Sometimes you try for something and it just doesn't turn out that way.

Which reminds me of a one-liner my sister thinks is the funniest one she's ever heard:

4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea....so that means 1 person enjoys it.

Aren't you glad you read KWTFrys?  The plethora of information you get here is unmatched.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Twitter

Twitter.

Tweet.

Twit.

Twat.

Tuh-what?

I try to like Twitter.  I really do.

However, I just don't like it very much. 

Here's why:

1.  I have a generic phone.  I have to hit the number 2 three times to get a letter c.  More than 2 times if I accidently hit it the wrong number of times and then I have to keep pressing it to get back around to the c.  Annoying.

2.  I have a generic phone.  I do not have internet access, so I am not constantly beeping with updates for facebook or emails.  By the time I get home, I forget about what I wanted to tweet and then it's like 4 hour old news.

3.  Did I mention I have a generic phone from 1983?  It has a bag that you can velcro to the carpet of your floorboard.

4.  When I read tweets online, they don't make sense to me.  All of that @# crap makes my eyes hurt.  It makes me feel like I'm trying to read some kind of secret code.  I'm not that smart and so Twitter makes me realize that and I don't like admitting the truth of my stupidity. 

I have only tweeted a couple of times.  I might have to just get rid of it.  It's too much pressure.  I like to ramble.  KWTFrys lets me ramble so I like it better.

The only redeeming thing about Twitter is that I followed Jamie the Very Worst Missionary, and she (or someone who does her internet stuff for her while she is busy being herself) followed me back.  I'm pretty sure she follows everybody who follows her, but it did kind of make me laugh a little and make me wish I could think of something clever to tweet. 

Ugh. 

Even saying the word "tweet" makes me feel like kind of a twit.

Maybe I should feel like a twit b/c I follow a person I've never met and actually got kind of excited when I saw that she followed me back. 
Darn you, JamietheVWM! 

By the way, VWM sounds like some kind of disease that can spread from animals to people.  It also reminds me of VBAC, which kind of makes me a little squeamish.  Not that I don't support people who choose it, but anyway......see?  I told you I like to ramble. 

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Random

So yesterday I was serious.

Now we're back to the regularly scheduled programming that is called KWTF. (Ketchupwiththefrys) Yes, it does have an unfortunate acronym.

Yesterday, Superfrykid and I made a Halloween house.  Kind of like a gingerbread house you make at Christmastime.  Only with orange icing and candy in the shape of bats.



Today we had a photoshoot with Day by Day Photography and it was a great time.  Superfrykid is not the most cooperative person.   However, Day by Day did a great job working with her and making it a pleasant experience with no tears, which is quite an accomplishment.  Can't wait to see the pics!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Today is

Today is the day our first child was born.

She lived 102 days.  They were wonderful days....probably the happiest days of my entire life.

She would be 9 years old today.

I wonder what she would have looked like at age 9.
I wonder what kind of cake she would have asked for.
I wonder what she would have wished for when she blew out her candles.

Her birthday still makes me sad after all these years.  But it also makes me thankful. 

I am thankful that we were able to enjoy and love her for the days that she was here.
I am thankful that we held her almost every waking moment and even when she was sleeping.
I am thankful that we were blessed to be her parents.
I am thankful that she has a little sister who brings us joy and happiness every day.

I hope that those lucky few who got to meet her will remember Mady today and smile.

Friday, October 21, 2011

the cat that was buried alive

This is a true story. 

It happened shortly after we were married and moved into our house, in 1994. 

Our house has the big metal doors that open up to stairs going down into our basement.  Underneath the doors, the ground had settled quite a bit and left a pretty big hole, so Superfrydad, being the handyman he is, filled in the hole with dirt.  Actually, he wasn't Superfrydad then because we didn't have any kids.  So I guess I should refer to him as Superfryhubby.

Like I said, we didn't have any kids then.  But we did have 2 cats.  Outside cats, of course.  (Someday I will blog about my extreme distate for indoor pets, but let's leave that for another time, shall we?)

Unbeknownst to Superfryhubby, one of the cats was in the hole when he filled it in with dirt.

He buried our cat alive.

Not on purpose, of course.  We didn't know the cat was in the hole, but we did notice it was missing.  The other cat started acting funny.  It meowed really loud and since we don't speak cat, we didn't know what was wrong.

Long story short, a couple days later we heard a weird meowing, it was raining really hard, Superfrydad saw something moving underneath the concrete steps and we discovered the poor cat.  It was soaking wet, covered in mud and it was starving.

We brought the cat inside, dried it off, fed it and put it back outside.

It ran away shortly thereafter.

We named our next cat Lazarus in his honor.

The end.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

loving a bargain

I love a bargain.

I love the extreme couponing show.  I'm not that crazy  organized, but I wish I could be.

I like when I buy something on clearance at the end of a season, put it away and then discover it at the appropriate season.

I found some Halloween items I bought on clearance last year at Target.  For some reason, these few items have been a small source of joy to me this year. 

Here's what I found: (because I know you want to know)
1.  Pumpkin string lights
2.  2 Big Pumpkins that light up and are smiley, not scary
3.  A Haunted Halloween Gingerbread House Kit.  Like the ones you make at Christmas, only with candy corn instead of peppermint candy.
4.  Sticky Hands
5.  Puzzles to hand out to tricker treaters
6.  A Baby's First Halloween Bib
7.  A Pair of Orange and Black Striped Tights
8.  A Bale of Fake Hay (this was from Michael's, but I only paid like $1 or something for it - I refuse to pay $10 for fake hay)

The Best Thing I Found That I Forgot I Had:
A sound system that plays 4 preprogrammed Halloween songs (like the Addams family theme song), or it will play from an mp3 player.  You can plug lights into it and it flickers the lights to the beat of the song.  It was originally like $80 or $100, but I paid like $10 for it after Halloween last year.  There is no way this thing is worth what the original price was.  But since I got it cheap, it makes me happy.

I'm hoping that by posting this, it will make me feel like less of a hoarder.  Because I'm not a hoarder.  I'm an extreme clearance shopper.

Friday, October 14, 2011

barts

Warning:  once again, I feel like I must warn those who do not like potty humor.  Just move on to another blog if you don't like gross things.  Also, if you know me in real life, please do not hold this against me.  If you don't know me in real life, consider yourself warned in case we ever do meet.

A friend sent me this quote:
"A hug is like a strangle you haven't finished yet."

I must admit, I giggled.  Especially since this friend is not a hugger.

Not sure why, but that quote made me think of this one:
"A burp is like a fart that comes out of your mouth."

This is kind of true, really.  I mean, there are burps that are really stinky and gross. 

Case in point:  Last night we had spaghetti and cheesy bread.  The bread had garlic in it, which, by the way, makes me mad.  If I wanted garlic bread, that's what I would buy.  I buy cheesy bread b/c I don't like garlic bread.  Actually, it's not that I don't like garlic bread, it's just that garlic anything does not like me.

Anyway, we had cheesy bread that was actually garlic bread.  Then later I ate a bowl of Lucky Charms.  Have you ever noticed that Lucky Charms kind of stink?  They have this gross smell when you open them and then after you eat them, they kind of leave a yucky taste in your mouth.  Maybe it's just me.

So as I was getting in bed, I burped.

No lie, this was the grossest burp ever.  It was closer to a fart, only it didn't make it that far and it came up instead.  It should be called a bart.  (burp+fart=bart)  It was a combination of garlic and Lucky Charms.  Not ladylike.  Not subtle.  Not nice. 

The only combination that I can think of that would be worse than garlic and Lucky Charms is Long John Silvers plus anything.

LJS + anything = grossest bart ever

You can go now.  After reading this, you probably feel the need to go and brush your teeth.  I understand completely. 

So gross.  Yet so true.  It's what you've come to expect from KWTF, right?  I really have been trying to think of some family stuff to share, but we are kind of boring.   Barts are about as interesting as we get this week. 

I realize I may lose some followers for posting dumb stuff like this, but at this point, what do I have to lose?  I have 19 official followers, and one of the 19 is myself.  One friend has a double follower-ship, so really I have 17.  But who's counting, right? 

Thursday, October 6, 2011

stink bug gravy

I hate stink bugs.  You hate stink bugs. 

I think it's pretty much widely accepted that there is not a person on the face of the earth who likes stink bugs.  Except maybe the guy who makes those $20 stink bug traps out of an old 2 liter soda bottle and an LED light from the Dollar Tree.  He's making money, so it's possible that he tolerates stink bugs merely for their ability to create profit for him.

Today I made roast beef in the crockpot.  I even made gravy.  I didn't use all of the broth from the meat, so when I was cleaning up from dinner, I poured out the small amount that was left in the crockpot.  I noticed something that didn't quite look right.

It was a stink bug. 

There are 2 options here:
1.  The stink bug flew into the pot AFTER I poured out the broth to make the gravy.
2.  The stink bug cooked all day in the crockpot along with the meat.

I prefer to believe that option #1 is the truth. 

I just can't bring myself to admit that I may have served stink bug gravy to my family. 

Ugh.  I'm off to buy a 2 liter of Coke to chug so I can make my own trap. 

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

why in the world wonders

Why do nicknames not make sense sometimes?

There are a lot of these nicknames and they really bother me.  They make no sense at all.  I wonder why in the world anyone would come up with them.  Hence, my post title, why in the world wonders.  It kind of sounds like a Jeopardy category, doesn't it?

I'll take Why in the World Wonders for $400, Alex.

The nickname for William that makes no sense.....Bill.

The nickname for Margaret that is really off base....Peggy

The nickname for Richard that nobody wants....Dick

The nickname for Henry that is pointless b/c it's not any shorter and contains 3 of the same letters....Harry

I'm all for a nickname that makes sense and makes your life easier. 

If your name is Alexander, by all means, go with Alex.
If your name is Christopher, by all means, go with Chris.
If your name is Jennifer, by all means, go with Jen.
If your name is Humperdinck, by all means.....change your legal name because your choices are not good.  Not good at all.

Monday, September 26, 2011

baptism cannonball - is that a faux pas?

Superfrykid got baptized yesterday.  It was a big deal for her.  She was SO excited. 

5 people were getting baptized.  She was first.  The pastor stepped into the baptistry first and she waited on the stairs while he was giving his introduction.  I went over to the opposite side so I could take a picture.

This meant that she was standing there by herself practically jumping up and down while the pastor was talking.  I thought she was just going to cannonball into the water. 

Which led me to wonder if cannonballing into the baptistry is a faux pas?

I guess it depends on the kind of church you go to.

I'm not sure if that would be frowned upon in ours or not, but I'm sure there would be giggles.

I guess some people would say that it depends on "the heart" behind the cannonball. 

The Bible is silent on baptism cannonballs, but here's are my theories:

If you are cannonballing in b/c you are so happy to proclaim your love for God, then I think it could be ok.

If you are cannonballing in b/c you like to show off and you aren't taking it seriously, then that's not cool.

In all seriousness, it was a great day and I am so proud of my daughter.  (and also relieved that she did not cannonball)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

QVC

I watch QVC.  Kind of a lot.  More than the average person does, probably.

I generally do not purchase things from QVC.  (WalMart aka the Ghetto of the Twilight Zone is always cheaper.)

As I said, I generally do not purchase items from QVC, but I have ordered a few things.  I don't really watch it for the items.  I just like to watch it because I don't have to think.  It's kind of like having company at your house only you can wear your ratty old sweatpants and they don't care.

It all started when I had my first child.  I was up at all hours of the night and there are a few hours during the night when there is literally NOTHING on TV.  Even if there might be something halfway decent on at 3:30 am, it's sure to be a rerun of whatever I just watched at 11:30 pm.  So I turned to QVC. 

In my past life (the one where I had no children, was skinny, and was in my twenties), I would have ridiculed those who watched QVC.  Now, this chubby mom in her 30's is addicted to QVC. 

I often wonder how this happened.  (Not the becoming a mom part or the chubby part or the older part - I do know how all of those things happened.)

How can I really have any self-esteem if I am so easily amused? 

Not sure why I'm putting this out there, but I guess the first step to recovery is admitting I have a problem.

Friday, September 16, 2011

pretty

We've already discussed the phrase "to death" here at KetchupwiththeFrys.

Today, I'd like to discuss the word "pretty". 

"How are you?  Pretty good."
"You just came pretty close to cutting off your arm."

You get the idea. 

Why don't we use the word "ugly" in the same way?

"How are you?  Ugly bad."
"You just came ugly close to cutting off your arm." 

It sounds like something people from Boston would say, kind of like "wicked".  

But if you said "ugly" instead of "wicked", you would sound less......Bostonish?  Bostonian?  Evil?  Not sure of the right word here.

Anyway...."pretty" is one of my pet peeves.  If you say "I'm pretty good.", it sounds like you think you are awesome and cute and makes me want to roll my eyes at you.  I say it all the time and I roll my eyes at myself, because pretty and good would not be at the top of the list of words I'd use to describe myself.  More like chunky and snarky. 

Maybe when people ask how I'm doing, instead of saying "pretty good", I'll say "chunky snarky".

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

eating crow with cheese on top

Remember the fight over cheese slices?

We had promised to never mention it again.

Saturday morning, I got up and decided to be nice and make breakfast for my family.  I started frying some bacon and then started on the pancake mix.  I measured the Bisquick and the milk into the bowl and then reached into the fridge for the eggs.  I couldn't find my eggs.

I had just purchased eggs on my trip to the Ghetto of the Twilight Zone aka Walmart, so I knew the eggs were in the fridge.  I moved things around and they were nowhere to be found. 

I asked Superfry dad if, perchance, he happened to have made a 12 egg omelet when I wasn't watching.

He gave me a look and responded that he did not, in fact, make a giant omelet nor use the eggs for any other purpose.

I asked him to look in the fridge and see if he could find the eggs that I KNEW I had just purchased.  He did, and did not see them.

He offered to go get some eggs.  Such a nice hubby.

Superfrydad:  "Do you want me to go to the "localstorename" store or do you want me to go to Food Lion?"

Me:  (hissing)  "yesssssss...GO TO THE LOCAL STORE!"

I ate my crow with cheese slices on top.

After he returned with the eggs, I proceeded to finish the pancakes and we had a nice breakfast.

As I was putting away the butter, guess what I found?

A brand new carton of eggs in the deli drawer.

He never said a word.

He's a keeper.

Monday, September 12, 2011

square dancing at Waffle House

This is a true story.

Once upon a time, we and some friends of ours had particularly difficult evening and were forced to end it at the only place open at that late hour.  Waffle House.

What does one do at Waffle House? (Is it just "Waffle House" or "The Waffle House?"  It seems if you say "THE Waffle House", it's a little snooty, don't you think?)

Anyway.....


That's what we were trying to do. Just have some waffles at Waffle House.  However, we couldn't help but notice that a group of older people came in and they were dressed in crazy toddlerandtiarasdressesforoldpeople the finest square dancing outfits ever.  I'm talking square dancing dresses that are like tutus.

Somehow, a conversation began.

It ended with 20-somethings square dancing with 70-somethings in Waffle House at approximately 2 am.

If you need to have a good laugh, maybe you should hang out with square dancers.  They don't have to be clever or interesting people who can carry on a great conversation.  Just being with them and looking at their outfits will cheer you up instantly.

Better yet, ask them to show you some square dancing moves in the middle of a restaurant.

It may or may not have been one of the best moments of my life.  After all of the stuff you're supposed to say like, meeting my husband or giving birth to my children.  It might not be in the top 10, but it's probably in the top 20.  Does that make me dorky?  I'll have to check my dork-o-meter.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

fartner

Ok, so if you don't like the word "fart", stop reading now. 

When I was a kid, we were not allowed to say this word. 

It bothers me to hear other people say it.

However, to my shame, it's a word that can usually make me laugh.

I was talking to Superfrykid and she was telling me about something at school and she accidently said "fartner" instead of "partner".

For some reason, this struck me as hilariously funny.  fartner.

So I couldn't help myself:
"Those two are fartners in crime."
"Dancing with the Stars called and I need to find a good dance fartner."
"Will you be my science lab fartner?"
"Howdy, fartner!"
"Wanna go square dancing?  I am a great square dance fartner."
"My grandfather was the founding fartner of this business.
"My true love, my soulmate, my fartner for life."

I'm not sure I can ever say the word "partner" again without snorting.

Friday, September 9, 2011

points for me

So as I mentioned, I am now a professional Lunch Lady, and today was a very special day.

It was Beefaroni Day.

That's not why it was special, but I just thought you might be wondering what was for lunch.  You probably think I'm lying about the Beefaroni to try and be funny, but no, it really was Beefaroni.

Like I said, today was a very special day because it was the first official after school dance of the year.  I am kind of fascinated by how many kids seemed genuinely excited about it. 

A few of them were even practicing their dance moves in the lunch line. 

Points for me.

I'm not sure how many points I should get for this, but here's how it went:  I see a few of the kids dancing a little while they are waiting in line so I ask them if they are practicing for tonight's dance.  They say yes.  Point for a response.  Then they proceed to break it down and bust out their best moves. 

It was my best day at work so far this year.

One, they spoke to me.  Two, the dance moves were fabulous.  Three, I did not laugh. 

Here's what I think the points breakdown should be:
+1 They spoke words to me that were coherent. 
+100  They gave a spontaneous sampling of their best dance moves.
+1,000,000 I DID NOT LAUGH - I kept it together and nodded approvingly. 

I love my job.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

observations of a school lunch lady

So I just started my new job as the lunch lady.

It's fascinating work.  I think I should maybe start writing down my observations because I'm pretty sure I could have a best seller here.  Well, if I could write well and could find a publisher and a miracle happened....maybe then I could have a best seller.

Anyway....back to the lunch lady thing.

Basically what I do is stand at a computer, watch the screen as the kids scan their fingers, and hit the space bar after I hear a beep.  It's a really fulfulling job, let me tell you.

There are several of types of kids who come through the line:

1.  Kids I know who will actually speak to me. (One of these happens to be the son of my friend who saved my life with a breast pump.)

2.  Kids I know who pretend they don't know me.  (One of these happens to be the nephew of my brother-in-law, SonofaDutch, who was the originator of the phrase "not getting stabbed is always a plus".)

3.  Kids I feel sorry for because it's clear that middle school is not their friend.

4.  Kids I don't feel sorry for because they look like they should have their own Disney show.

5.  Kids who are just regular kids in middle school.

Most of them fall into category #5, if you're wondering.

Anyway, since the job itself is not the most challenging thing in the world, I decided I would try to make it slightly interesting for myself.

My goal is to say hello to each kid who comes through my line, make them make eye contact with me and try to get them to speak at least one word to me.  It's kind of like a game. 

Point for me if they say hello back.

2 points for me if they smile at me.

Point for me if they say any words at all.

Double points if the words are intelligible.

Triple points for me if it's a complete sentence. 

100 points for me if they say something nice, like, "It's a nice day today, isn't it?" or "I like your earrings."

Point for me if they make eye contact for more than 1 second.

Minus 10 for me if they scan and run before the beep sounds.  This means I then have to search for them after they've retreated into the mob that is called a line so they can come back and re-scan.  It's like finding Waldo...they are all wearing the same shirt and I have no idea which one is which.

Minus 3 for me if they look like they think I'm going to yell at them.

Minus 1 for me if they look annoyed that I said Hello to them.

It might not be what you'd call fun, but it's all I've got at this point.  If I get tired of this one, maybe I will start counting how many hair feathers I see, or how many kids wear shoes that cost more than my car, or how many kids have dirty fingernails.  We'll see.







Saturday, September 3, 2011

a fight over cheese slices

Tomorrow we are having a birthday party for Superfrykid, who turned 7 on Friday.  We will be having hotdogs and hamburgers.  I mentioned that I went to WalMart (aka the Ghetto of the Twilight Zone) and I purchased all of the party fodder.

As I mentioned in my other post, I forgot my list.

I forgot to get cheese for the hamburgers. 

This morning my husband asked me if I needed him to pick up anything.  I told him to please get a 24 pack of sliced cheese.

I returned home to find this:

Cheese?  Check
Sliced Cheese? Check
24 Slices?  Check

What you can't see is the price tag.




He purchased the cheese at our local store, which I happen to never go to for 2 reasons: 
#1  It's too expensive
#2 You smell like a sub when you come out (not a yellow submarine kind of sub, a sub sandwich kind of sub)

Guess how much they were.


That's right.  $3.55 EACH


That's $11.29, including tax for 24 slices of cheese. 

For some reason, this REALLY irked me.

We cannot afford to pay $11.29 for 3 packs of sliced cheese.  Maybe this is the difference between men and women.

A woman would never pay $3.55 for an 8 pack of cheese unless her car was broken down, she had no cell phone, and she had 8 starving children to feed with no other means to care for them but to buy the cheese that should be layered in gold. 

The thing that really burns me is that he was RIGHT BESIDE WalMart today replacing water heater elements for someone.  He hates to go into WalMart, which I understand.  However, he could have easily come home a different route, and he would have passed a Food Lion.  I'm pretty sure Food Lion has sliced cheese.  In packs of 24, no less.

So right now, he is downstairs pouting because I told him to NEVER EVER buy anything there unless I specifically ask him to go there in an emergency.  Apparently, that was offensive to his ears.

Which makes me wonder, how have we gotten through 17 years of marriage if 3 little packages of sliced cheese can cause a fight?




Friday, September 2, 2011

WalMart, or as I like to call it, the Ghetto of the Twilight Zone

I like to make lists.  I make to do lists and grocery lists and lists of ideas and lists of lists to make.

Then I lose them.

I can never find a list when I need it.  Somehow, between my house, the car and WalMart, my list disappears into thin air.  I can dig in my purse for 10 minutes and the list is nowhere to be found.  Finally I convince myself I must have left the list on the counter at home and go into battle go into WalMart without a plan. 

I emerge from battle walk out of WalMart $183 later. 

Then when I get my keys out of my purse, I find the list of the 5 things I needed.  3 of them did not get purchased.  1 of the 3 is toilet paper.

Diarrhea is sure to hit our house tomorrow if I do not go back in and get it.  However, I just spent $183 and I don't want to go back into the ghetto back into WalMart.  And it's 90 degrees outside and I bought popsicles.  They're the Great Value kind, not the expensive ones, but still....Time is of the essence here to get my groceries home and everyone knows you can't just run into WalMart "real quick".

I think the doors to WalMart are actually portals to the Ghetto of the Twilight Zone.  Time is not the same inside the GOTTZ (GhettoOfTheTwilightZone) as it is outside.  You can go in for one item and it still takes you 20 minutes to get out of there. 

Also, people change when they enter GOTTZ.  You suddenly feel the urge to purchase jeggings or a World's Greatest Dad Tshirt or a giant tub of onion pretzels.  You wonder why you feel overdressed even though you're wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  Everyone else seems to be in pajamas or a hospital gown.  Your Payless flip flops seem like Christian Louboutins compared to the footwear seen here.  In GOTTZ, 60% of people wear bedroom slippers, 5% have no shoes, and the rest are in boots with fur.  Mind you, it's 90 degrees outside. 

I'm not saying WalMart is bad.  I'm just saying that you shouldn't forget your list.  Because then you get sucked in and end up buying things that you don't need, like beef jerky, and forget the things you do need, like toilet paper.

If diarrhea hits us tomorrow, at least we'll have popsicles.


Saturday, August 27, 2011

17 years is 119 in dog years

Today is our 17th wedding anniversary.   That's 119 years in dog years.  I must say, I'm not sure where the time has gone.

In some ways, though, it seems like we've been married forever.  Superfrydad will be 40 in January and I will be 36.  I guess we've officially hit middle age.  I'm not sure I want to live past age 80, so once I hit 40, I'll be on the downhill slope to the end.

We've been through more in 17 years than a lot of people ever go through.  A tornado hit my parent's house 10 days before we got married, so we've survived a natural disaster.  Our first child died and I still can't believe she would be almost 9 years old today.  Over the years in our family, we've dealt with divorce, suicide, and cancer.  Pretty much, anything bad that can happen to you, we've checked off of our list.  On the other hand, we've had many wonderful things happen to us too.  We have a beautiful and healthy almost 7 year old and the Lord has always provided for all of our needs. I guess if I really sit and think about all of our blessings, I wouldn't be able to list them all here.

17 years from now, I will be 52, Superfrydad will be 56, and Superfrykid will be 23.  If it goes by as quickly as these first 17 years have gone by, it will be here in no time.

Friday, August 26, 2011

too cool for school

Superfrykid started first grade.  She loves it.
I tried to take pictures on the first day to document this important milestone.  She chose some interesting poses.....I'm not sure, but I think she was trying to be cool.
If you know me, you know that cool is not a word that has ever, nor will ever, describe me.  As much as I may have wished it during my childhood and teen years, I was just not cool. I'm still not, but I'm ok with that.  Maybe there's hope for Superfrykid.  She has the self confidence at age 6 that I wish I had at my current age. (Which is 35, no sense in trying to be vague about it.  It is what it is.)

I know there will be a day in my life when I look back and wish for these days again.  I wish I could just hit a giant pause button (like the giant red Easy button that Staples uses in their ads).  I know these days are the best days....not much homework days, everybody is your friend at school days, riding the bus is fun days, not caring if your shoes are from Payless days.......1st grade is pretty cool in my book.




Saturday, August 13, 2011

when i grow up

Here's the evolution of what my kid says she wants to be when she grows up:

Pre-K:  "a cop"
Not a police officer.  A cop, says the 4 year old, who obviously watches too much TV with her father.

K: "a vet, a teacher, a mommy." 
All of the classics here.  Makes me think we are raising a normal child and maybe watching Cops on TV with her father didn't scar her for life.

almost 1st grader:  "a rapper"
Say what? Where is this coming from? 

I asked her why and she said because rappers rhyme and she really likes to rhyme.

Alrighty then.

Friday, August 12, 2011

mis-manners


I mentioned yesterday that I went to the movies with 2 friends, which led to the dilemma of to hug or not to hug. 

My girls night out not only gave me blog fodder for yesterday, it gave me some for today too.  Not too shabby, as my life is generally uneventful and many of the things that annoy me have already been covered here at KWTF.  I do have a pretty big stockpile of things that annoy me though, so never fear.

Sidebar:  We saw "The Help", based on the book by Kathryn Stockett.  The book was good and so was the movie.  Usually I avoid movies based on books because they are never as good.  This was an exception.

Anyway, back to the blog fodder for today.  Today I want to talk about mis-manners.  Not Miss Manners, the person.  Mis-manners, like manners that miss the mark.  Rudeness, if you will.

Like I said above, we went to the movies.  We went to the 10 pm show because all of us have kids and it's a convenient time to leave our children unattended - I mean, with our husbands. 

We were the first ones in the theatre, so we chose seats about 4 rows down from the top right in the middle.  A few more people came in and followed the rule of not sitting close to someone else.  Some sat down front, some went all the way to the top. Some went to the right, some went to the left.  Then a group of young girls came in and sat in the row behind us. 

Why would they sit right behind us?  Because they have mis-manners. 

We paid $10 to get in and $59.95 for a soda and one jujube.



By the way, I just googled how to spell Jujube and got a website I did not expect.  I may never eat another Jujube again thanks to RuPaul.

Anyway, back to the annoying girls.

They sat right behind us.  I'm guessing there were approximately 95 other seats they could have chosen, but they chose to be near us. 

Talking, kicking the seat, farting and then making the seat squeak like there were more farts, and using their phones. 

At the risk of sounding old and fuddy-duddy, let me just say that if you are going to pay money to come to the movies, wouldn't you watch the movie?  Or choose a movie that suits you?  I mean, isn't Smurfs out yet? 

The real Miss Manners is clearly slacking.  We need someone to rise up and become a Super Hero version of Miss Manners.

She could fly in to movie theatres and pluck out people who talk on their phones or kick your seat.

True story:  One time I was at a dance recital for my niece and this old woman kicked the back of my seat for about 20 minutes.  Finally I turned around and requested that we switch seats so she could see better and also not kick me.  She agreed and I held my leg down the rest of the time to keep from getting her back.  See what a nice person I am?

Gotta go now.....I have a cape to sew.

If I put MM on the cape, nobody will confuse me with Eminem, right?



Thursday, August 11, 2011

to hug or not to hug

Someone recently said to me: "I only like to hug people who don't stink."

I agree wholeheartedly.  I, too, only like to hug people who don't stink.  However, it's not really the stink factor that makes me hug or not hug.

I feel like most people are either huggers or non-huggers.

Is this not true?

You can't really be both.

But here's where the tricky part comes in for me. 

I don't know which one I am.

I hug people who are huggers.

I don't hug people who aren't huggers.

I'm having a hugging identity crisis.

Here's an example:
I went to the movies with 2 friends.  One is an old friend that I've known since high school - she was in my wedding & I was in hers & we have somehow still kept a friendship going for 17 plus years.  She is a non-hugger.  The other is my friend's sister-in-law.  I don't know the sis-in-law as well as I know my old friend, but I do know that she is a hugger.

When we left the movies, the sister-in-law gave me a hug.  My friend said bye and walked away.  No hug.

Clearly, these women know who they are.  One is a hugger and one is not. 

What am I?

A two-faced hugger?

It kind of annoys me about myself.  I don't want to be two-faced.

I feel like VeggieTales should have a movie about this.  Then I would know what to do.  And I would have a new song to replace the Hairbrush one, because the Hug Movie would be certain to contain a catchy tune about the green bean who couldn't hug the pumpkin. 

None of them have arms anyway.

"Oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, wheeeeeeeeere......are my ar-rms?"

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

schmucket recap

Here's a Schmucket List recap:

1.  Do a cartwheel
2.  Rollerskate
3.  Swim in water over my head
4.  Drive a stick shift

I thought I might add something, so here it is:

5.  Dance 
I just can't and I believe it's something you either can or can't do....even if I took lessons, I would not be able to.  Therefore, it's on the schmucket list.

My daughter, I fear, has my dance impaired genes.  However, she does not know it yet.  Because she is 6 years old, she thinks she is Twitch from SYTYCD (soyouthinkyoucandance).  Someday, I know she will add dancing to her Schmucket List.  But for now, she can live in the blissful ignorance of childhood.

Remember her wedding dance moves?  I found out where she got them......Sprout Online.  Barnyard Boogie Game.  It's actually kind of funny.  Sprout has all kinds of moves on there....who knew?

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

me vs. pioneer woman

I used to like The Pioneer Woman.  I read her blog a lot and finally I realized that it's actually kind of lame.  In fact, I discovered a blog called thepioneerwomansux or something like that.  There are actually several blogs out there that exist solely to make fun of The Pioneer Woman.  She is a really rich lady who pretends to be all country and cool at the same time.   I don't know why, but that rubs me the wrong way, so now I don't read PW anymore.

Then I got to thinking about it (I can't sleep and I've watched all of my DVR shows)....anyway, I started thinking about how my life is kind of a really low-budget/rednecky version of the Pioneer Woman. 

PW:  Marlboro Man  (wears chaps, cowboy hat & goatee)
Me:  Superfrydad (wears jean shorts, baseball hat & goatee)

PW:  Lives on a ranch in OK
Me:  Live on 3 acres in WV

PW:  Has lots of cattle and horses
Me:  Have 5 cows, a bull and 3 goats

PW:  Former ballerina
Me:  Former marching band color guard member (also known as "flags")

PW:  Published cookbook author
Me:  Unpublished box macaroni and cheese maker

PW:  Complains about her weight all the time/probably is a size 6 or 8 after 4 kids
Me:  Complain about my weight all the time/was an 8 before I bore children, now I am not.

PW:  Wears expensive clothing and thinks a shirt for $70 is a good buy
Me:  Wear inexpensive clothing and think that a shirt for $70 better have $50 in the pocket

Maybe I should rename Ketchup With The Frys.   I could call it thepoorandfatpioneerwoman or something catchy like that.  I'll think about it.

Monday, August 8, 2011

I need a tagline

KWTF (Ketchup with the Frys) is a simple blog, with no frills.  But lately I've been thinking maybe I need a tagline.  I just can't think of a good one right now.

Here's what I've got so far:

Ketchup with the Frys
ketchup/catch up with the Fry family....get it?

Ketchup with the Frys
not a food blog, but it does make me want to go to McDonald's

Ketchup with the Frys
because saying Musturd with the Frys makes you say the word turd

That's about it.  I can't really think of anything else.

The turd one makes me laugh, but having a poop reference in your tagline is probably not one of the best ways to garner readership. 

If you have a suggestion, leave it in the comments. 

If it's not a very good suggestion, keep it to yourself. 

Well, go ahead and post it because it makes me happy to get a comment every now and then.

If you don't have a suggestion, why are you reading this blog?  Clearly, the readers here at KWTF are clever, witty and creative.  If you are none of these, I suggest you find another blog to read.  Like Pioneer Woman.  Every other post there is a picture of her bassett hound.  No brain required.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

friend purgatory

I was lurking around on facebook and saw a post that made me giggle.  One of my friends said that her husband has what he calls "friend purgatory".

What is friend purgatory?

When someone requests your friendship and you just leave the request hanging out there.  You don't NOT ACCEPT it, because then you will show back up on their suggested friends list and the cycle will continue. 

If you leave them in friend purgatory, then you don't have to deal with a duplicate request later. 

It's kind of genius, really.

I can't believe I never thought of that.  I just friend anybody I know and then block them.

I know I just totally stole the idea of friend purgatory and put it on my blog so I would seem clever.  Does that make me a bad person?  I don't think so.  I think it's more like a public service announcement. 

And, btw, this friend's husband? I don't know him, but I might just friend request him so that his friend purgatory gets bigger......which leads to this question:  how many purgatory friends does it take to make you an official snob? 

Saturday, August 6, 2011

not having to wear a hair net is one of my new job perks

Remember the dork-o-meter?

I haven't had a "real" job since 2002.  That's 9 years for those of you who aren't very good with mental math.

I am beginning a new part-time (it's technically called half time) job soon within our local school system.

I am officially a lunch lady.  Not as in serving the lunch, also known as a cook, but as in the lady who scans your finger as you go through the lunch line.

And I'm happy about it.

I'm pretty sure that being happy about landing such a peonic (not sure that's a word but it means peon-like in my mind)....anyway, being happy about landing such a peonic job probably rates pretty high on the dork-o-meter.

I don't have to wear a hair net, so it can't be all that dorky, right? 

Praise the Lord, because it is the perfect location, the perfect hours, and the perfect timing!

And one of the perks of my new job is not having to wear a hair net!  I am certainly moving up in the world, n'est pas?

Friday, August 5, 2011

stuff my gma says

I feel I'm pretty safe to blog about my grandmother because
a.  she's in her late 70's
b.  she doesn't own a computer
c.  any relative reading this should be smart enough to keep it on the down low

My husband refers to her as "The Don" (and no, just because I made a reference once to a horse head in a bed doesn't mean I am connected to the mob).  He never calls her that to her face, mind you.  He calls her that because she is the matriarch of the family and likes to dole out little jobs for people to do.  Not jobs like burying people in concrete.  Jobs like, buy a pair of suspenders for your grandfather by Friday or stop and get me 3 scented oil diffusers or get me some gas for my lawnmower.  (All of those are real and recent "jobs".)

Oftentimes we give her a ride to church.  She lives within spitting distance of our church, but she likes to be dropped off at the front door I think.  When the phone rings on Saturday evening, I pretty much know it's the Don letting us know if she wants a ride or not.  I called her one Sunday morning not long ago because she did not make the Saturday evening call, and asked if she wanted us to pick her up.  Her response?

"If I need a ride, I'll call you."

Alrighty then.

The Don has spoken.

Shortly after that, I was making a meal for someone who just had a baby and happens to live close to my grandparents.  It happened to also be my grandfather's 86th birthday, so I called to see if I could bring them some dinner too.  Her response?

"What are you fixing?"

I told her grilled chicken, twice baked potatoes and green beans.  Her response?

"No, that's ok."

Okie dokie then.

I did end up taking them some cupcakes since it was his birthday.  I didn't ask, I just did it.  Thankfully, this pleased the Don and all was well.

I never really look forward to getting old, but I am definitely taking notes from my grandmother because if I make it to be her age, I am totally bossing everybody around.  I am going to think of the most trivial jobs ever and see how far I can go with it.  I'll be old, and I'll need something to keep me amused.

Here is a pic of my grandmother, taken by my daughter.  What kind of grandmother makes a face at her grandchild who is taking her picture?  The Don, that's who.  Because she doesn't care if you don't like it. 

s

Thursday, August 4, 2011

being awakened in the middle of the night by

Being awakened in the middle of the night by a phone call is usually not a good thing.

Hearing this in the middle of the night is also not a good thing:
video

This is a little "aquarium" that has a little plastic shark that is supposed to eat, sleep and play like a real pet. 

The sounds that come out of this thing are kind of scary.   They are especially scary when it's 3 am and you hear the chainsaw like sound coming from the next room. (If you didn't finish it, the chainsaw noise is at the very end.)

It's like that rogue baby toy that everyone has that plays music at random times.

Only scarier.

Needless to say, it's now in the trash. 

Thankfully, I only paid $2.48 for it.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

horse head in your bed

Superfrydad and I have been married for almost 17 years. 

Once, when we were still in the single digits of marriage, my husband went to the grand opening of The Tractor Supply Company.  Where, to his amazement, there was a man using a chainsaw to create wonderful works of art out of stumps.

Not stumps as in Civil War leg stumps, but pieces of wood kind of stumps.

Priceless art. 

Well, not priceless as it turns out.  More like $300.

He purchased and hauled home a giant stump with a deer head sticking out of it. 

He likes to hunt and thought it was the perfect way to add a little bit of the outdoors to our home. 

It looks like a horse with antlers. 

Needless to say, I hated it.  I still hate it. 

I've tried to get rid of it for years.  It was in our basement for a long time, scaring any little kids who happened to be visiting.   Did I mention it weighs about a million pounds?  That was always the excuse for Superfrydad to not get rid of it.  "It's too heavy to carry up the basement steps."

Well, I finally got some friends to carry it outside one time.  It made it out of the basement and is now on our deck. 

Where it's been for quite some time now.  Weathering and peeling and looking more creepy than ever.

If I could pick it up, I'd carry it far, far away.

Here's a picture of it.  Let me know if you would like to own it.  It's free if you haul it.  I might even pay you to take it. 



It would be a great prank on someone to put it right outside their bedroom window. 

Almost as bad as waking up with a real horse head in your bed.

Actually, a real horse head would be more convenient for me at this point.  I can't carry the stump so therefore it's still here.  I could totally put a horse head in a garbage bag and carry it outside.  After I stopped screaming, of course. 

Did I just express a preference for a real horse head in my bed over the stump horse head on my deck? 

I think so.

You never have to visit this blog again.  I totally understand.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

true friendship and a breast pump

I have a friend, who shall remain unnamed (not in the creepy way of Voldemort, he who must not be named or whatever Harry Potter people say).......

Anyway, my friend and I have known each other since birth.  We are related (second cousins, once removed, I think - I googled it because I wasn't sure)...but more than being cousins of some sort, we are friends.

She's this sort of friend:  (disclaimer to any male readers:  stop reading now and go to SportsCenter or something manly...we're about to use words like breast, milk and pump.  You should get out while you still have time.)

Anyway, like I was saying, she's this sort of friend:

After my first child was born, my friend came to visit us when we got home from the hospital.  She happened to pop in just as my husband was assembling the mega-superindustrial breast pump that we rented.  We're chatting on the couch as he is sorting through the bottles, tubing, and those suction cup funnel things.  Mind you, my hubby is a fix-it kind of guy.  Not a read the directions kind of guy, but he can usually figure things out because he's smart like that.  Breast pump?  No problem.  He's also a wannabe farmer so I guess he figured it can't be much different than a milker for ol' Bessie.

Meanwhile, my milk had come in.  And I don't mean, my milk came in.  I mean, my boobs went from an A cup to a triple M and were ready to burst.  My skin was so tight that I actually thought my breasts might explode. 

I tried to remain calm as we chatted, secretly thinking in my head, "Get the thing together already or we are all going to be covered in milk."

My friend, who has a child and is generally handy and knowledgeable about such things asked if he wanted help. 

No.  He could do it.

I think she detected by the way I was rocking and holding my breasts that something needed to happen here or it might get ugly.  She offered to help again.  This time he accepted and in 2 seconds, she had the megapump 2000 ready to go.

By this time, my milk engorged breasts had hardened into giant cement balloons.  The funnel things went on but not much milk came out.  My friend suggested massaging my breasts. 

Here's a tip:  You can't hold 2 funnel things onto your own breasts and massage them at the same time. 

The solution?

My friend kneeled down in front of me and held the funnels on while I rubbed my boobs to try and keep them from exploding.

That is true friendship.

I'm not sure any other person would have done that for me.

She may have saved my life that day.

Because I'm pretty sure if your boobs explode, you'd die.