Friday, December 30, 2011

party pooper

I came across this YouTube video thanks to a blog I follow called Jamie the Very Worst Missionary.

Go watch the video, which is entitled Jennifer is a Party Pooper.  Then come back here for my commentary.

Ok, I hope you came back instead of getting sucked into YouTube and watching all of that guys videos.  I think the Party Pooper is the best one.  I watched 2 or 3 and then they got old.

However, Jennifer the Party Pooper made me laugh both times I watched it.  (I might watch it again later, just to see if the funny sticks.)

Here's why this video is funny:

1.  The accent.  This guy could say, "The sky is blue," and it would be funny.  His accent is hilarious.

2.  Poop.  The word poop is funny.  If we could all just admit this, life would be so much more carefree.

3.  I don't have to list anymore reasons because if you didn't think the first two were funny enough, then you clearly have no sense of humor and any other point I make would clearly not be able to convince you.  You would be officially classed as a  "party pooper".     

And if you didn't laugh at number 1 & 2 and then were unable to even smile at #3, maybe you should do some self-evaluation as the New Year begins, because I'm pretty sure you need to.

Also, as a PS - if you didn't click on Jamie the Very Worst Missionary, you should.  Even if you're not that into religion or whatever, she's a good laugh and might even make you think.  However, she does sometimes use language that may not be appropriate for some, so if you have a stick up your butt  if you don't like foul language, I would not recommend it. Wait, I take that back.  I would recommend it and if you choose to click on it and don't like it, don't say I didn't warn you. 

Happy New Year's Eve Eve!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

don't hate me because I'm...

If writing it down on paper, or online dating service, many people would use the phrase "animal lover" to describe themselves.

I am not one of those people. 

I mean, I'm not either of those...not an online dating service applicant NOR an animal lover.  I'm pretty sure if you say you are an animal hater that you wouldn't get picked for very many dates, no matter how fake your picture is.

Anyway....this post is NOT about online dating services.  It's about my lack of being an animal lover.

My problem is that I just don't know how to say it. 

If I say, "I'm an animal hater," it makes people want to throw red paint on me whether or not I am wearing fur.  (Which I do not, by the way.  But not b/c I feel sorry for animals, I'm just more of a WalMart shopper.)

So "animal hater" is out.  "Animal unlover" doesn't sound right either.

I don't hate animals.  I just don't love them.  I don't even like them, most of the time. 

I respect animals.  I think they should be fed/watered and taken care of properly.  I am thankful for animals that provide food and materials that I use every day. 

But I don't think animals are people.

I think sometimes people treat their animals better than they treat other people, which makes me sad and kind of angry.  When did this happen in our society?

Here's why I don't like animals very much:
1.  They can bite.  It only takes one time.
2.  They can destroy your stuff.  I kind of like my couch unclawed & my shoes unchewed.
3.  They stink.  I don't care how many baths you give them or how clean your house is - I can smell it.
4.  They require a lot of money, time and effort to maintain properly.   I am cheap and fairly lazy.
5.  You never know where their butts have been.  On your pillow while you were at work or on the couch where you just picked up a dropped cookie.  Ew.

Now, lest you think I'm a horrible person and have no heart whatsover.....

Here's what I DO like about animals:
1.  They provide food.   I like bacon, what can I say?
2.  They provide leather.  I like my sneakers to not be plastic.
3.  They provide protection.  My dog is scary and looks like a bear.  I give him credit for our house never being broken into.
4.  They are sometimes funny and cute.  "Sometimes" is the key word hereAFV has WAY too many unfunny videos.  However, there are exceptions to funny and cute.  Have you seen the pig in boots?
5.  They provide transportation.  I was kind of grasping at straws here on this last one, but I'm sure if I lived in a remote village somewhere I would be very happy to have a water buffalo or a camel.

And if that list wasn't enough to make you not hate me, here's something that I hope helps you hate me less:  I feel sorry for the animals at the zoo.  For real. 
And don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of pets during my lifetime.  Here's a list of animals I've owned in my life:  cows, goats, dogs, cats, guineas, and a chinchilla named Garth.   Yes, you heard me correctly.  A chinchilla lived inside my house.  No, I don't know what possessed me to say yes to that.  And guineas.  Raise your hand if you've ever had a guinea as a pet.  I'd say not very many of you are raising your hand.  Probably not very many of  you even know what a guinea is.  But that's ok, you can still feel superior since you are an animal lover and I am not.

So there, I've said it.  I don't really like animals. 

In my experience, I've only met one other person who is on the same page as me when it comes to animals.   Actually, there are 2.  One is my husband.  The other is my friend, who will remain unnamed because he/she may or may not have once lifted another friend's very small dog into an SUV by the leash so that he/she did  not have to touch the dog.  And that is why we are friends, because he/she knew that I would totally understand and would never say a word about it.  Except on my blog to my millions of minions 21 followers, including myself and one of my friends who somehow followed me twice, so really it's 19 plus any lurkers.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


Have you discovered the time warp  website known as Pinterest?

I'm sure it's popularity is probably going downhill at this point since I've just recently discovered it.
(My car still has a tape player, that's how current I am.)

Anyway, I've been wasting hours of my life discovering Pinterest and I really like it.

If you don't know, it's like an online corkboard where you can "pin" ideas, recipes, photos, and such.

Here's the thing:  once you start looking at it, you can't stop.  It's like a car accident on the side of the road.  You know you should stop looking but you can't help yourself.

Here's the other thing:  if you look at Pinterest while you are at work, you may laugh out loud uncontrollably & everyone you work with will look at you like you are looney.  Not that I've experienced that. 

But I'm just warning you incase you work somewhere that requires you to work instead of browse Pinterest.  Because the sudden outburst of laughter might give you away. 

Anyway, I'm sure my interest in Pinterest (say that 5 times fast) will fade, but for now, I think it's kind of fun.

On a side note, my favorite pin so far is a tiny pig wearing red rain boots.  I generally detest all animals, but this pig is quite the exception.  It just makes me smile.  Not sure if this will work or not, but we'll find out:

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

i hope you go to heaven

Every Wednesday night, we go to Awana at our church.

Superfrykid is in the Sparks class and she made something for her teacher today.

Here it is:

If you are having trouble reading it, this is what it says:
Dear, Mrs. Deanna
I love Sparks!  You are very good at teaching us abot God.  Hope you go too Heaven.  Love, Alaina

The drawing is an elf.  Looks like a zombie elf, but it's just a regular elf.

The elf is not the funny part.

The funny part is the last line.

"I hope you go to heaven."

This is kind of like someone from the south saying, "Bless your heart."

It seems like a nice thing to say. 

"I hope you go to heaven."  Insert fake smile here with hand on the other person's arm.

"Thanks, I hope you do too."  Insert fake smile here with turn around and eye roll.

Superfrykid was earnest and sincere.  She was trying to give the best compliment she could. 

That's why I love her.  She is honest and forthright and doesn't have the jaded sense of spirituality that I sometimes do.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

milk and honey

Have you ever perused the pages of the Samaritan's Purse catalog?

They really have some cool stuff.

You can buy a dairy goat for a family in another country. 

Guess what else you can buy?

Honey bees.

Wonder how many bees you actually get?  What if the bees sting a kid who is allergic?  What if the bees fly away and never come back to the person you gave them to?  What if the bees become African killer bees?.......these are the questions that go through my mind.

Back to the catalog.

If you buy a dairy goat AND bees, you can be super extra Christian-like and tell yourself you're giving milk and honey.

I'm pretty sure it makes you a better person if you donate money and make a biblical reference at the same time.

Seriously, though.  My niece bought a goat or something one year  in memory of our daughter and I must say, it's one of the nicest gifts we've ever received.  Or not received.  Whatever, you know what I mean. 

Saturday, December 3, 2011

fav Christmas ornament

So the post about Christmas carols is now the most viewed post on KWTF.


Can you tell I'm kind of irritated by that?  I mean, what about the fartner post?  I thought that one was pretty good.  But again, whatever.  Christmas is something we all have in common, so I get it.  (Farts are too, but most people are too polite to mention this.  I'm not.)

So, in keeping with what seems to be a popular's post is about Christmas ornaments.

I have ornaments that I made when I was a kid and some from Superfrydad's childhood too.

They are not the most beautiful ornaments, but they have sentimental value, so on the tree they go.

I have this one little plastic ornament that I love.  It's probably the most generic thing in the world, but if I had to put out just one item, this would be a contender.

I also have some old ornaments that were my grandmother's, which are very special to me.

Probably my favorite hand made ornament is this one, which I made in Sunday School in 1981.  I was 5 and I remember carefully putting the glitter around it.  Or maybe I am remembering another time I used glitter and conveniently associate it with this ornament.  Either way, this one makes me feel sentimental and brings back the smells of glue, glitter and the church basement.

Then there's Bert and Grover.  My sister has Ernie and Oscar.  I think I got the best deal out of that one.  Booyah, my sister!

And last, but not least, the scary Santa sleigh.  There's something about it that I love, yet I also think it's kind of creepy.  Who needs Elf on the Shelf when this Santa is watching?

What's your favorite ornament at your house?