Thursday, January 23, 2014

everything does not happen for a reason

You know what my least favorite platitude is?
For those who do not know what a platitude is....hint:  it's not the attitude of Perry the Platypus.  I know, I watch way too much Phineas and Ferb.

  1. 1.
    a remark or statement, esp. one with a moral content, that has been used too often to be interesting or thoughtful.

Everything happens for a reason.

I hate this phrase.

Actually, after reading the definition of platitude, maybe "everything happens for a reason" doesn't qualify as a platitude.  It's really more of a stupid thing to say.  Let me explain.

Lots of people say this and mean well, but it really gets my goat.

And not as in, totes magotes.

Love this commercial.
Don't really love goats but this is funny too.
Anyway, back to the whole "everything happens for a reason".

I am guilty of saying this, too.  I've said it to other people and I've said it to myself.

It's a lie.

Sometimes things happen for no reason.  Sometimes there is no sense to be made out of things that happen in our lives.  To be sure, some things happen because they are direct results of our own actions.  Those things would be called consequences, which many people choose to call something that is "happening to me".  That's not what I'm talking about.

They're called consequences.

What I'm talking about are those things in life which are inexplicable, like losing a child or infertility or illnesses or things of that nature.  While I believe that God can and sometimes does certainly bring good out of bad, it doesn't cancel out the bad like it never happened.  Like in the story of Joseph.  What his brothers meant for evil, God used for good.  But the thing is, I'm not Joseph.  And I'm glad, by the way, because I'm pretty sure being sold as a slave by your own brothers ranks in the top 10 of sucky things that can happen to you in life.

I would like to encourage everyone to NEVER say "everything happens for a reason" again.

It's kind of like a slap in the face, no matter how well meaning you may be.

So unless you want to be slapped in the face, don't say "everything happens for a reason".  Ok?  Thanks.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

life is not fair

Life is not fair.

You know this.

I know this.

Superfrykid does not seem to realize it yet.

I tell her all the time, but she just doesn't "get it" yet.

In her world, most things are fair.

But we all know that when you grow up, life happens.

And life is not fair.

I know of a woman who recently gave birth to a stillborn child at just over 22 weeks gestation, enduring 2 days of labor only to go home with empty arms.

Life is not fair.

I'm going to try not to tell Superfrykid "life is not fair" so much anymore.  She'll learn soon enough.  For now, I'm grateful she still expects it to be so for everyone.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

my neighbor on the street of gold

Sometimes I think about what heaven might be like.

People talk about having a mansion in heaven.  And I hear the streets are made of gold.

Which made me think of the song, "When We All Get to Heaven".  Which always makes me want to say...not.  Because I don't know who's going to be there, but I'm pretty sure it's not all of us.  So I googled the song and found this little gem.  The people on the intro look like they could be on SNL.  Its a mixture of scary and good. And the lady playing the bass looks a little bit crazy.  But good crazy.  Also?  When searching for this song, I found versions by Alan Jackson and Brad Paisley.  Who knew?

Anyway, as long as I am in heaven, I don't really care what my mansion looks like.

But I would like to make a reservation on who lives next to me.  Or on my street.

I definitely want Superfrydad and Superfrykid as my next door neighbors.  There is no marriage in heaven. (Did I just hear some of you say Hallelujah?) But Superfrydad and I have made it this long, so we may as well keep it up for eternity.  And if my heavenly toilet overflows, maybe he will come over and fix it for me.

I would prefer not to have some people on my same street.  I'm looking at you, King David from the Old Testament.  I know, I know.  He's a man after God's own heart. But he is my least favorite Biblical person.  I'm not saying he can't be in heaven. Maybe God would put him on the same street as say........Mr. Rogers.  Mr. Rogers likes everybody.

I guess if I could pick someone from the Bible to be on my street, I would choose Deborah.  She seems like she would be pretty cool.  Or Rahab.  I really want to know if she was an innkeeper or a harlot.  Because my childhood Sunday School teacher said she was an innkeeper.  But the Bible calls her a harlot.  I'm gonna go with the Bible.  Guess who else probably won't be my neighbor?  My lying Sunday School teacher.  (Please note:  this is all written tongue in cheek.  Don't get your panties in a bunch if you happen to be a Sunday School teacher.  I have nothing but love and appreciation for the many Sunday School teachers I had as a kid.)

That lady playing the bass in that video might be a good neighbor to have too.  She looks like she makes a mean casserole.  And probably pie crust with lard.  There are no calories in heaven.  So I hope.

So the question for you is, who would you like to have on your street in heaven and who would you like to be a few blocks over?

Saturday, January 11, 2014

skinny people: shut up

So after yesterday's post, where I told the truth about my's what happened:

1.  I immediately wanted to delete it, but didn't.

2. A skinny friend immediately sent me a message saying she read my post and suggested I follow Jillian's blog because we all have to start somewhere, right?

3.  That skinny friend immediately should have been glad she sent that via facebook messenger or I may have punched her.

4.  I immediately cried.

5.  I immediately realized that she is right.  I have to start somewhere.  I think I'll start where I am.  I'm genius like that.

6.  This was my response to her, in case you were wondering:

Maybe I should.  Following a blog is sure to make me not fat.

Yes, I have to start somewhere.  Not sure telling Facebook how much I weigh is a good one, lol.

But start, I must. 

My phone just autocorrected start to starve.  Maybe it will just mercifully kill me in my sleep since it seems to be alive.

7.  I wrote this post, which I wanted to entitle, "Skinny People:  Shut the Bleepity Bleep Up", but chose to take the high road, as you can see.

Here are some tips for skinny people:

1.  Don't say you are fat when you're not.
It makes fat people hate you.

2.  Don't offer suggestions on how to lose weight.
We know how to lose weight.  It's the actual process of eating right and exercising that is the problem.

3.  Don't tell a fat person "you aren't that fat".
Do you think fat people do not own mirrors?  We know "how fat" we are in comparison to Honey Boo Boo's mom or that guy over there or that lady your mom works with.  

4.  Do tell a fat person "you are beautiful".
Beauty is not the same as weight.  

5.  Do tell a fat person "you look like you've lost weight", but only if it's true.
Encouraging words mean a lot.

I'm sure there are lots of other things I could include, but you get the idea.

In full disclosure, my skinny friend redeemed herself by also saying that I was among the most beautiful women she's ever met.  And I know she is honest because I know the gals she included me with and it's 100% true about them so I'm glad to be included.

Sometimes the truth hurts.

Sometimes the truth is horrible.

Sometimes the truth is wonderful.

Sometimes I think truth and love are the same thing.

These last 2 posts were heavy for me, so let's lighten it up.....

Friday, January 10, 2014


Sometimes the truth hurts.

This phrase has been rolling around in my head for awhile now.

I looked up some other truth quotes and found these:

There's a world of difference between truth and facts.  Facts can obscure the truth.  
Maya Angelou

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.  
Oscar Wilde

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.  
James Garfield

The truth is, I went to the doctor this week and I weigh 210 pounds. 210.3 to be exact. That's the truth.  Somehow, I feel like putting it out there, into the light, will help.

The truth is, it won't help.  It will just make some of you gasp in shock and some of you wonder what my driver's license says.  

It doesn't say 210, I can tell you that.

I turned 38 a few days ago.  I am past the point in life where it matters to me if people know the number of my age or my weight.  It is what is it.  Sometimes the truth hurts.

But, like Maya Angelou says, facts can obscure the truth.

The fact is, I weigh 210.
The truth is, I am healthy and grateful to be so.

The fact is, I just told everyone how much I weigh.
The truth is, who cares?  If you like me or don't like me based on that fact, I'm pretty sure I don't like you anyway.

The fact is, I'm going to try to lose some weight.
The truth is, I'm scared to hit post but I'm going to do it anyway.

Me, after I accidentally sat on a s'more.  Food clings to me.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

New Year, Same Old Me

It's 2014.

Or twenty fart-een, as I've been calling it in my head.  Sorry.  You can't unthink it. And when you accidentally say it out loud in a public place, just pretend you said fourteen and not farteen.

I don't make New Year's Resolutions.  Mainly because I know I won't keep them and I try not to lie to myself.

I did tell Superfrykid we were going to eat healthier and handed her a banana.  She replied that maybe our New Year's resolution should be to eat only junk food and then maybe we would eat healthy food instead since nobody ever keeps their resolutions. She does kind of have a point.  But then again, I think she wanted to see if I would let her eat a bowl of Skittles covered in root beer for breakfast.

However, this IS a new year.  And I guess a new year deserves some consideration.

So IF I made New Year's Resolutions, this is what they would be.....  Wait, let me clarify.  I will make 3 lists. One list of resolutions that sound good, but we all know they will never happen.  Let's call those Flying Pig Resolutions.  A second list of resolutions that I'd like to keep but know that I probably won't.  Let's call those Road to Hell Resolutions (as in I have lots of good intentions and we all know those are what pave that road).  And finally a list of resolutions that I know I will keep.  I can't think of a clever name for that list.  We'll just call it List #3.

List #1  Flying Pig Resolutions (resolutions that sound good, but we all know they'll never happen)
1.  Lose 50 pounds.  Let's be honest.  While I need to do this, pigs are truly likely to fly before it happens.  Which makes me think of bacon.  You see my dilemma here.  

2.  Remove myself from Facebook.  Who would I be jealous of?  How would I keep track of birthdays?  How would I feel terrible about myself by comparing myself to everyone and gauging my worth based on the number of likes my latest picture garnered?

3.  Stop shopping at WalMart.  Where else can you buy bullets, a TV and milk all at the same time?  I say I'm going to stop, but I never do.

List #2  Road to Hell Resolutions (resolutions that I have good intentions of keeping, but know I won't)
1.  Eat healthier.  I did order a salad instead of a burger/fries at Red Robin today. However, I ate 1/4 of a frozen pizza for dinner.  And some skittles. And there are some salt and vinegar chips out there in the kitchen calling to me right now.  I am typing super fast so I can go get some.

2.  Exercise more.  I know I need to move my body.  Even just walking would be better than sitting on the couch.  But it's hard to walk and eat salt & vinegar chips at the same time.

3.  Watch less TV.  Specifically, any show on Bravo.  Did you see the Underground Railroad clip on RHOA?  Why do I waste my time on this stupidity?  But we all know that I will continue to watch it, so there's no need to lie to myself.  

List #3  (resolutions I know I can keep)
1.  Be a woman.  I have no plans to be anything else.  In case you were wondering. And if you were wondering, don't tell me.  Because that would hurt my feelings. But if you have the balls to say that to my face, then you are clearly a man.  Or at least a woman who has had some significant surgeries.

2.  Not pierce my nipples.  Earlier today I was unpacking my suitcase from a trip to my sister's house.  I was leaning down and accidentally zipped my boob in the suitcase.  I had taken off my bra, so there was nothing there to protect me.  It really hurt. Like, super bad.  So.....I'm pretty sure nipple piercing is out for me.  And, yes, that is totally true.  And yes, I know that is TMI, but you know you are laughing.

3.  Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line.  This is actually a quote from the movie The Princess Bride.  I couldn't really think of anything else funny and I'm pretty sure you're still laughing about #2.  Unless you were revolted and stopped reading already.  Either way, Happy New Year.