Sunday, May 14, 2017

The Best Mother's Day Gift

Today is Mother's Day.

Superfrydad & Superfrykid took me out to dinner last night.  I chose Cracker Barrel, because Superfrydad doesn't like it and so we never go there as a family.  Also, I am an 80 year old on the inside.  Today we went to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2, which was surprisingly funny and made me cry at the end. Like lump in my throat cry.  Tears pouring down my face cry.  Sniffling and wiping my nose cry.  And the music and 80's references are pretty good.

Anyway.

This post is about what I gave my mom for Mother's Day.

I gave her the greatest gift a mother can receive.

I gave her the keys to the karma bus and she ran me down with it.



Mom came over for breakfast, and Superfrykid asked to play a game of Sorry. Grandmothers cannot say no to their grandchildren, so down on the floor went our butts to play a game that is second only to Uno in terms of making people mad at each other.


Anybody else hate the look of the new Sorry game?  The classic one is way better.


During the game, I strategically played my cards and Superfrykid happened to be in the way a couple of times.
Being 12, she acted like a toddler about it.
Being 41, I also acted like a toddler about it and whacked her game piece off the board if I happened to get a Sorry card.  And I said "Waaah" like a ninja when I did it.

Superfrykid tried to cheat, I called her out on it.
Superfrykid can't shuffle, I offered to shuffle and was rebuffed with an "I can DO it!"

I happened to be removing the nail polish from my toes.
Superfrykid complained about the smell and that my foot was "in her face."
In my head, I replied with, "I'm about to put my foot up your butt", but instead, I opted for the response of a mature mother and wiggled my toes at her in defiance and made a face at her.
Basically, the game was us picking at each other like my sister & I used to do when we were kids.

Mom won and Superfrykid was putting the game away.  She came in last, btw. Incidentally, my mom has won every single game of Scrabble we have ever played. Every. Single. Game.

Anyway, there are 2 indentations in the plastic.
One shaped like a deck of cards, and a larger one for the game pieces.

Superfrykid jammed all of the game pieces into the card slot, and I reached over and moved the pieces over so she could put the cards in the correct slot.
She moved them back.
I said, "The pieces go there and the cards go in the one shaped like a deck of cards."

I did not say it in the gentle manner of a mother who is teaching her child the ways of board game clean up. It was more like how one might say it when adding "moron" to the end, like this:

"......& the cards go in the one shaped like a deck of cards, moron."

Except I didn't say moron, because if one diagrammed that sentence, the moron would be understood.  "....& the cards go in the one shaped like a deck of cards (moron)."

She said, "No! THIS is the way it goes."
I rolled my eyes and let her do it the wrong way.
Which clearly was the high road, ending the dispute in a noble way.

My mother laughed and laughed.
She said, "Karma!", with a glee that only a mother who just backed over her first born with the karma bus can.

So there you have it.
The best gift for Mother's Day is not flowers, candy, jewelry, or even a handmade card.
The best gift you can give your mom for Mother's Day is to accept the fact that when she said, "One day your kids will act just like you, " she was right.

So my suggestion for all of you young moms out there is this:  go ahead and buy a nice key chain to put the karma bus key on.  At some point, you'll need it to hand it over to your mother so she can flatten you, reverse and hit you again, and then drive off yelling out the window, "I told you so!"

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Country Mouse, City Mouse

Anybody remember this book?



I grew up in the country.

When I was a kid, I wished I lived in a development with paved roads so I could ride a bike and have friends close by.  Now that I am adult, I appreciate living in the country and have no desire to ever leave.  Or to have neighbors that I can see.

We have lived in our house for 21 years, and we finally have a neighbor we can see.  It's a little cabin behind our barn that was built by a lady who lives in Annapolis and will use it as her weekend getaway.  It has taken a little attitude adjustment on our part, but she is a very nice lady and probably the best neighbor one could have.

Last week, she sent me a text:
"Could you tell me what those birds are that come in a group and look like geese, but they're not?"

Me:
Those would be turkeys.  Wild turkeys.

My country brain cannot fathom not knowing what a wild turkey looks like.  We see them all the time and I guess we take it for granted, because apparently this is a new experience for our city neighbor.

Still, I can't help but think.....I don't live in India, but I know what an elephant looks like.   I don't live in the North Pole, but I think I'd recognize a polar bear.  I don't live in Arizona, but I think if I saw a roadrunner, I'd know what it was.  And so on.

Who doesn't know what a turkey looks like?  Mind you, this lady is not a dumb person by any means. She is educated and I would guess well traveled. and well read.  And she is not sure what those birds are that come in a group and look like geese, but they're not.

Needless to say, we got a good chuckle out of that one.

I can't wait to see what else we can learn from each other.
She chose the lot behind us because she wanted to be close to the donkeys and the goats.
It's not summer yet and I have a small idea she doesn't realize how many flies there are when you have 3 donkeys and 7 goats.
It's why our house is not close to our barn.
But hers is.
Welcome to the country, City Mouse.

PS - City Mouse, if you ever read this, please know that we really do think you are a lovely person. I'm sure if we came to your neck of the woods, we would be lost.  So I guess we're even.  Gobble, gobble.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

It's hard to do 2 things at one time

I wrote this in January and I forgot to hit Publish.  I'm already killing it this year.

I went to the gym yesterday.

It was the second Monday of the New Year, so we are all still ready to keep our resolutions to be healthier and happier in 2016.

I am already healthy.

I am already happy.

Why do I want to be healthier AND happier?

Can't I just be content?

Here's the kicker with being content:  it also sounds a lot like doing nothing.

If I want to change my health, I have to make changes to my diet and to my physical activity.

If I want to change my happiness, I have to make changes in my heart. 

I don't really want to change what I eat.  I like eating donuts.  And french fries.  

I don't really want to change my heart.  I like being bitter.  And angry.

I like to pretend I want to.  I go to the gym.  I eat salad.  I smile.  I say nice things to people.

But I really don't want to change, because I want the change without the work.  

It's hard.

It takes a long time.

It might not turn out the way I want.

And the list goes on.

I am content.

Liar.

Liar.

Pants on Fire.

It's like you darned if you do and you're darned if you don't.

I mean, I am very thankful for my health and for all of the wonderful things in my life. Sometimes it seems like wanting more is ungrateful in some way.

But on the other hand (said in the voice of Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof and while we're on that subject, I hope when Alaina gets married she lets me be seated while this song is played on the piano)....on the other hand, being a good steward of what you've been blessed with also includes increasing/taking care of what you've been given, n'est pas? (insert Parable of the Talents lesson here)

I guess it's both.   It's hard to do 2 things at one time.
Like chew gum and walk.
Or talk and drive.
Or drink a slurpee and do a cartwheel.
Being content but also striving to be better.

And, if you haven't gotten enough Fiddler on the Roof for today, here's the Sabbath Prayer since today is Sunday.  They don't really sing until about 4 minutes in, but I think it's worth listening to.







Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Blizzard of 2016 and the Don

So we got 40 inches of snow last Friday/Saturday.

Kind of a big deal. (lol to the one person who will get that joke)

Today is Wednesday, January 27th.  It's also Superfrydad's birthday.  I made biscuits & sausage gravy for breakfast.  That's probably the extent of his celebration because he's not really much on cake.  But this post is not about him.  (He is 44, if you were wondering.)

We got many warnings that this storm had the potential to be a massive amount of snow & blizzard like conditions.  It didn't start until Friday afternoon, but I got my milk & bread on Tuesday & I am glad I did.  Local grocery stores were wiped out. There were no shovels to be found and I think probably a lot of donuts & wine were purchased.

Friday morning I called my grandmother, aka the Don (read about that here),   I knew she would be alone and I asked her if she wanted to come and stay with us.

She said no.

So I told her to pack her bag because we might come and take her by force.

She said she'd think about it and call me back.

So I said ok.

Only the Don can be threatened to be kidnapped and then make you wait to see if it's ok with her.

So after a little while she called back and said her bag was packed & to come and pick her up.

So we did.  She had her giant shopping bag filled, her crossword puzzle packed, and her flip phone charged.  We grabbed a 6 pack of mini cans of Schweppe's ginger ale, and out the door we went. (She likes Schweppe's because "it's caffeine free and I think it tastes better".  I don't know if she knows that all gingerale is caffeine free, but felt it was best to nod and agree that Schweppe's is clearly a superior ginger ale.)

We have a woodstove in our basement where we watch TV.  I generally stay upstairs because I'm fat & am always hot.  As in sweaty hot, not sexy hot.  Just wanted to clarify in case you were confused.

Anyway.

The Don is always cold.  She's thin & she's almost 84.  So we had to keep the stove cranking.  She sat by the stove in her sweatshirt, fuzzy slippers, and fuzzy blanket on her legs pretty much the whole time.  We watched the Game Show Network, which she does not have, but we might have to get her for her birthday.  She likes Family Feud with Steve Harvey and we also watched Deal or No Deal a lot.  

I thought the Don would  get antsy & want to go home.  I figured she would not be able to sleep in Superfrykid's bed.  But she actually had a good time and said she wanted to take the bed & comforter home with her.  We played Scrabble & Sorry, both of which she claimed to never have played.  I'm not so sure.

The Don & Superfrykid playing Sorry.  The Don won. 


She told us lots of different stories from her "other lifetimes" as she calls them.  We watched The Unsinkable Molly Brown starring Debbie Reynolds and we also watched Frozen, which the Don had never seen.

Side note:  At the end when Prince Hans goes to kiss Anna & then says, "Oh Anna. If only there was someone out there who did love you", the Don hissed, "What a cad!".

The funniest thing that happened was on the first night.  I was in the bedroom folding clothes & Superfrykid & the Don were out on the couch.  Superfrykid was showing her a game on her Kindle. Then I heard them both giggling and then a pause, and then more giggling, another pause, and so on.  I walked out to see what they were laughing at and it was a fart app.  Superfrykid would select a different fart noise and they would both crack up.  I wish I had a hidden camera.  It was hilarious.

The Don & Superfrykid


I'll be glad to see the snow go, but seeing the Don walk out & get into Superfrydad's truck brought a little tear to my eye.

Someone posted this on facebook & we watched it together.  She said it was true, and I think it's a good reminder to all of us that it's what is on the inside that matters.


Wednesday, January 6, 2016

40 is the new 30

Yesterday was my birthday.

Yesterday was my 40th birthday.

It just feels like a regular day.

Last year at this time, I wanted to lose 40 pounds by the time I turned 40.  Yeah, that didn't happen. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Bonus points if you know who this is and how to say it.
I feel obligated to pause & reflect on my life because isn't that what people do when they turn 40?

Forrest Gump's momma said "Life is like a box of chocolates....".

As much as I love chocolate, I always kind of think of life like a river.

Some people are born & get thrown in the river to sink or swim.

Some people ride down the river in an inflatable raft, holding a coozie of Mountain Dew.

Some on a dinghy.  Bet you know some of those.

Some on a sailboat, going where the wind takes them.

Some on a yacht.  I don't know any of those.  They're out of my circle.

I'm not sure what kind of vessel I'm on.

Probably a row boat, trying to row, row, row, when all I really need to do is let the river carry me.   I've been through some whirlpools, spinning and spinning and almost going down into the black hole in the center.  Sometimes the river is calm and I feel like I'm not going anywhere.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going over Niagra falls in a barrel.  That's fun.

Anyway, I don't know where this river will be winding this year, but after 40 of them, I think I'll just lean back and try to enjoy the ride.

Happy 2016.






Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Pass It On-goat edition

So yesterday I shared this post about Superfrykid's goat.

In a very short period of time, we raised $350 of our $500 goal.

For a dead goat.

A dead goat, people.

So here's the deal:  I said I would donate any money above that to a real person who actually has a bigger problem than a dead goat.

That person is a little girl named Lorelei.
She lives in my hood  in my local area.  I know her bus driver.
I do not know her or any of her family.
But I've seen her gofundme page on the facebook pages of some of my friends.

I have not given to her gofundme page for lots of reasons.
Here are a few:

I don't generally give to strangers because I'm never sure if it's a legit thing.
This is a real person in OUR community.  I'm pretty sure most people reading this blog are local.

I have never donated on gofundme because I'm kind of old and wary of newfangled fads, especially ones that involve computers and money.
But I got over that because I've since learned computers are not the devil and gofundme is a proven and secure way to donate.

I am stingy with my money and feel like they've already raised a good bit, so what difference does my $20 make?
Ouch, this one hurts because it's so true.  Let's face it, none of us feel rich.  But compared to the rest of the world, we are.  How many of us spend $20 at Chikfila and don't blink an eye?  Or $100 at Target and can't even remember what we bought? What if it was your kid?  A small donation, especially an anonymous one, I would imagine gives encouragement that is priceless. 

My point is, if people donate for my kid's 4H goat that died, why can't we donate to a little girl undergoing cancer treatment?

When I picked up Superfrykid from 4H Camp, the parents watched as the kids sat around the campfire for their closing ceremony.  They sang lots of silly songs, but they also sang "Pass It On".  I remember singing it at church as a kid and a teenager.  But the words still ring true.....it only takes a spark to get a fire going.

So light your little spark and get a fire going.  A good fire, not a wildfire that burns down houses.  Donate to GOATFundMe, where any money over $500 will go to the Hahn family fund.  Or if giving to GOATFundMe gets your goat.....get it?  Gets your goat?  You gotta admit you grinned a little.  But if giving to GOATFundMe gets your goat, make a donation to the Hahn Family directly.  Because Lorelei could be your daughter, or mine, or your niece or your neighbor.  Wait a minute.  She is our neighbor.  You know what that means.  Love your neighbor.  Don't make me get out my matches to spark your fire.

Donate to GOATFundMe here.
Donate to Hahn Family here.




Monday, July 6, 2015

GOatFundMe

Superfrykid just got back from 4H Camp.

While she was at camp, her 4H goat, Roscoe, got sick.

The vet came to our house, gave it some shots and it perked up.

Then it unperked.

Then we picked her up from 4H Camp.

Then the goat died.

So yesterday at the Fry house wasn't a very good day.

Superfrydad was not happy at all.

Mostly because he's a big softy on the inside and he was sad that the goat died.

But also because we've spent a good bit of money and time on this project and the youth fair is about 4 weeks away.  So now it's all for nothing.

Or maybe not.

Because a friend mentioned GOatFundMe.

It's like GoFundMe, only it's for goats.

GOatFundMe is a way for family, friends, and the community to show support for Superfrykid. Donations will go to covering the cost of the goat, the feed, and the vet bill.

If you'd like to make a contribution, it is not tax deductible, but it could make Superfrydad half-smile, which pretty much amounts to a small miracle.  So become a miracle worker today and give to GOatFundMe.

Superfrykid and the late Roscoe

Update:  Here is the link for GOATFundMe.