Thursday, January 26, 2012

shower curtain

Here's the current fight debate that's a hot topic in the Fry household:

How much should you pay for a shower curtain liner?

Superfrydad & I have 2 different theories about this.

My theory (aka the right one):
Shower curtain liners should be purchased at Dollar Tree.  Yes, they are cheaply made.  But that's the point.  Why pay more?  They last for a good while and by the time the little holes at the top start to rip, it's gross anyway, so you WANT to throw it away.  I like to be able to change it frequently and I would feel obligated to keep a gross one up there if I paid more for it.

Superfrydad's theory (aka the wrong one):
Expensive is better.  Those dollar liners are like hanging up a garbage bag and then taking a shower.

The thing that bothers me is that Superfrydad acted annoyed and offended that I buy cheap shower curtain liners.  Like it's a character flaw or something. 

He's just now realizing this?  We've been married for 17 years and I'm pretty sure that I am the person who has purchased every single one of our shower curtain liners.  I think that makes me the expert around here. 

So guess what?  Today I bought a shower curtain at Dollar Tree and I think I'm going to tell him I bought a more expensive one & see if he knows it or not.

And yes, this is the most exciting debate so far this week in the Fry household. 

So now you can:
a.  be smug about the fact that you have a microfiber shower curtain liner from Bed Bath & Beyond that cost $20 (I could change my liner every week for almost a year for $20!)
b.  be smug about the fact that you have a glass enclosed shower that has no soap scum on it
c.  be smug about your own life based on the fact that you have much more exciting fights with your spouse than ones about shower curtain liners

Monday, January 23, 2012

Superbowl, Schmuperbowl

I hear the Super Bowl is coming up.

I'm not a sports lover. 

But in the same way I'm not an animal lover, just because I'm not a sports lover doesn't mean I hate sports.

Here are some things I'm looking forward to about the Super Bowl:

1.  The commercials.  Even the most devoted fan looks forward to the commercials.  Am I right?  Yes.

2.  The food.  You cannot watch sports without eating yummy snacks.  Super Bowl snacks are even better because they're usually a step up from just regular snacks.  And even if the snacks are not a step up from regular snacks, there are more of them.

3.  The half time show.  I watched an interview featuring Madonna and she said she has like 7 minutes to take down her stage.  That's incredible.  Nevermind the show, the logistics are amazing.  Plus, there's always some random back up dancer on the field who dances off beat or runs the wrong way, which is funny to watch for.

4.  The game.  I don't really like to watch football, or any sport, for that matter.  But sometimes I don't mind watching.  Emphasis on sometimes.  Sometimes meaning once a year.  Only on Super Bowl Sunday do I try to pay attention to the actual game. 

And, as a bonus this year, I watched the playoff games.  Both of them.  I feel like I should get to eat extra snacks on Super Bowl Sunday for this.  Because the snacks at the playoff games were nonexistent.  Does that make sense to anybody else, or is it just me? 

Sunday, January 22, 2012

KWTF Superfan

One of my KWTF followers did something really nice for me...

I was whining and complaining the other day about another blog's ketchup packet logo....and voila! 

In my inbox appeared 2 logos made just for me. 

No charge.

Just because KWTF readers are awesome.  (Well, I don't know if all of you are awesome or not.  But this particular one is.)

At least I hope it's no charge, because if a bill arrives, that would be....awkward.

Thank you, KWTF Superfan!  You made my day!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

pinterest pet peeves: a list

I mentioned that I am addicted recently discovered the world of Pinterest.

Pinterest, like everything else at one time or another, sometimes annoys me.

Don't get me wrong.  I really like Pinterest, but there are a few things that get on my nerves.

Pinterest Pet Peeves

1.  Thinspiration.  Looking at pictures of anorexic models doesn't inspire me to lose weight.  It makes me want to eat a half gallon of ice cream and then some chips.  Also, I hate it when people say "thinspo" instead of "thinspiration".  The term "thinspiration" is annoying enough on its own without making it into a more annoying un-word, thank you.

2.  Ryan Gosling.  The "Hey Girl, I really like the way you knit" pins are way out of control.  Just sayin'.

3.  Coordinated Outfits aka "My Style".  Admittedly, I have no style, so maybe I should not criticize this.  However, I find no satisfaction in looking at an outfit that I would never fit in, never be able to afford, nor have anywhere to wear.  Again, going back to #1, it just makes me want to eat some chips or something.

4.  Tattoos.  I don't hate tattoos.  I just don't like all of the caged bird, swallows flying, and just generally lame tattoos.  If you get a tattoo, my advice is to not get your idea from Pinterest.  Go with what you like, but remember to make sure it's one that won't make your nurse laugh when she gives you a sponge bath in the nursing home.

5.  Animals.  Everyone knows I'm not an animal lover.  And it's not animal pins that I don't like.  After all, I did pin the pig in boots.  Cute animals are fine.  It's just the ones that are not really that funny or cute that annoy me.  Just because it's an animal doesn't mean it should be pinned.

6.  Comments.   If a comment is too long, I don't read it.  I like to waste my time efficiently, and long comments just aren't worth it most of the time.  Also, I don't like when comments become a conversation.  That's what a phone is for.  Or even facebook, because everyone expects this annoyance there.  Pinterest should be like Twitter and have a word limit.  The longer the comment box, the more I have to hit scroll and that's annoying.

I'm sure there are other annoying things about Pinterest that I'm missing here, but for now, that's the list. 

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go check the boards & see if there are any snarky quotes I can pin that will make me feel funny and clever.  Later, ketchup fiends. (No, I did not mean to type "friends".  If you read KWTF, I assume you know the difference.  If you don't....get out of here before I smack you.)

Friday, January 20, 2012

pigs are fast

Did you know that pigs are pretty fast? 

I usually picture a pig as being lazy and just laying around in mud.  Not so, my friend.  Pigs are pretty fast when they need to be.  Especially when they're trying to avoid being stabbed.  And like my brother-in-law, SonofaDutch, always says, "Not Getting Stabbed Is Always A Plus."

Let me take you on a trip down memory lane.  My first and only pig encounter happened when Superfrydad & I were dating.  I was 17 and was stupid head over heels in love.  Superfrydad was helping a farmer friend and needed to give a pig a shot. 

For some reason, he asked me to go. 

For some reason, I said yes.

Let me preface this with saying that I do not have a love for animals. However, my love for Superfryboyfriend (aka SFBF) blinded me into thinking that maybe giving a pig a shot would be a fun date.

The pig wasn't really your typical wee little piggy.  Think cow, only with shorter legs and a curly tail.  I don't know how much she weighed, but she was a big mama.  And she had an attitude.

A giant pig with an attitude is one thing.

A giant pig with an attitude trying to get away from you while you try to stab her with a needle is a whole nother thing.

I'm getting ahead of myself.  See, I thought when SFBF asked me to go with him, that I would just be watching him give the pig a shot.  Because giving pigs shots is a man's job, right?  Watching from outside the pen so you don't step in pig poop is the girlfriend's job.

So that's what I did.  I watched from outside the pen while SFBF chased the pig around and finally stuck her with the needle, which BROKE OFF when he stabbed her.

Guess what the pig said? 

Nothing.  She just squealed like a demon pig and then ran around with a little bit of blood trickling down her shoulder.  (or should I say ham?  whatever.)

So now we have giant demon pig with an attitude who just got stabbed and is not a happy camper.  In fact, if pigs could do karate, I'm pretty sure she would have Chuck Norrised us both.

Superfryboyfriend's solution?

His plan went like this:  Chase the pig into a corner and block her there.  Then give her the shot quickly, taking care not to break the needle, and let her go on her merry way.

Simple enough.  Except for the fact that what we had to use to corner the pig was a door.

That's right, a door.  Because everyone knows a giant wooden door is easy to carry around and manuever in close quarters with a crazy pig.

And the person manuevering the door?  Me.

If he asked me to do that today, I'd laugh and go back and sit in the truck. 

However, since I was young and stupid in love, I agreed to his death wish plan and got into the pen.

The pen was big enough that the pig could run around and get away from us, but small enough that if she wanted to attack, there was nowhere to escape. 

I'm pretty sure that if there had been a video camera running, we could possibly have won $10,000 on AFV.  Maybe even the super prize of $100,00 and a Disney cruise.  It was that glorious.  Arms, legs, straw, poop, squealing, a needle and a door.

So now whenever Superfrydad tries to insinuate that my love for him is not up to par in some way, I just remind him that one time I helped him give a pig a shot and actually counted it as a date.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

one of my roles

I have several roles that I play in life:  wife, mother, lunch lady, Sunday School teacher, laundress, chef cooker of dinner, etc. etc.

I am also the official "car follower" for Superfrydad.

I am forever following this man while he is driving a tractor, backhoe, or truck loaded with 25 couches.

My job is to follow behind in the car and make sure that nothing falls off and also pick him up at the end of the destination, if needed.

Sounds easy, right?

Well, it is easy.  I mean, we're usually driving slowly so I can text while driving so I can enjoy the scenery and take my time.  Also, Superfrykid is almost always in the backseat, so I get to listen to her whine spend quality time talking with her.

The hard part is the worry about the unknown.

What if the couch falls off and hits my windshield?  Glass will get in my eyes!  Then I can't see!  Then I might crash into a tree!

What if someone tries to pass us on a double line?  Obviously there will be someone coming the other way & I might have to swerve off the road & crash into a tree.

What if the hay on the trailer rubs against the tire & catches on fire?....wait, this actually happened once so I know what happens.  It all works out.  As long as you figure out you're on fire before it can spread.  Hay & fire don't generally get along.

Something else that happens from time to time is that a line of about a billion cars will be behind us while he's driving something large that travels at 12 miles per hour.  I will try to call him to let him know to LOOK BEHIND HIM and pull over before the guy behind me goes crazy & rams me.  He never picks up.

Really?  You know I'm driving right behind you & you can't pick up the phone?  What if I'm calling to let you know you're on fire?  Which, as we know, can happen. 

Anyway, if you fill this role for someone in your life, you will feel my pain.  If not, go back to eating your bon bons and living your easy life.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

all of the ketchup is mine

Ok, so I mentioned in my last post, "someone stole my ketchup", that this other blogger stole the idea that I haven't had yet.

Guess what her newest post is entitled?

Not enough ketchup in the world

Now I ain't sayin' she's a ketchup stealer, but she ain't messin' with no mustard
(if you get that, we are on the same page & are both laughing right now...if you don't, just keep moving because it's really not all that funny.)

someone stole my ketchup

I was perusing the internets the other day & came across a blog that contained something called the"Weekly Ketchup", complete with a cute little ketchup packet decorated with her blog's logo.

Even though it wasn't my idea first, I totally feel like she stole my idea that I haven't had yet.  Know what I mean? 

Eventually, I would have come up with that and KWTFs would have a little feature on Sundays that includes a weekly "ketchup" session, complete with a picture of a custom-designed ketchup packet.

It even says "tear here" on it. 

Why can't I make cute little digital designs in the shapes of ketchup packets?  waaaaaaaah

Alas, I will have to stick with my generic little blogger blog.  No cute logos, no paid ads, no awesome tagline,

My blog is kind of like my life....I would love to be creative, organized, fashion-forward, cutting-edge, sophisticated, and just generally envy-worthy.  The reality is that I'm kind of boring, messy, generic, dorky, and just generally laugh-worthy. 

It's that way with this blog.  I would love it to be popular, witty, charming, informative, thought-provoking, and aesthetically lovely.  The reality is that it's none of those.

But you know what?

I am what I am. 

So is my blog.

Accept me the way I am.

Accept my blog the way it is.

Ketchup packetless.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

 The Stanley Clan has a nice post commemorating MLK, so instead of wasting time here at KWTF, go read this post.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

attack of the great white ducks

Superfrydad's niece is getting married in May.

It's going to be an outdoor wedding at a local park.

The ceremony is going to be next to a pond, which is sure to be lovely.

There is one problem.


Big white ones with bright orange feet.

And flappy wings that could probably cut you.   

What?  You've never heard that expression?  "Watch out, those ducks will cut you, man."

So I went with my niece to scout out the location and see where the best place would be for the aisle, the chairs and all that jazz.

Next thing we know, we are accosted by this duck gang.

How do I know they were a gang?

They all dressed alike.  White feathers with bright orange feet.

We were in their 'hood and they were not happy about it.

What did we do?

Run, of course.

They chased us a little and then stopped.

We discussed the possibility of a duck invasion during the ceremony & here's what we came up with:
1.  Hire duck bouncers to keep the ducks at a safe distance from guests and the bridal party.  I'm thinking men with sunglasses and earpieces who carry shepherd's hooks.
2.  Get someone to distract the ducks during the ceremony by feeding them on the other side of the pond, far away from the ceremony.  Ducks are like seagulls at the beach.  Throw one little morsel of food and you get every fowl within 5 miles flocking to you and flapping you do death.
3.  Make sure the videographer has a clear shot so that when the ducks attack the bride and groom during their vows, maybe they can win $10,000 on AFV.

I'm excited to see what will happen with these ducks.  If I'm correct, they will probably remember us because once you've crossed a gang member, you never know when they will strike back at you.  I'm guessing it will be at a wildly inappropriate time and may or may not involve poop.

We'll see what happens.  Hopefully, all will be perfect for their special day, but I can't help but secretly want her to hire some cool duck bouncers.

Friday, January 13, 2012


Quick.   Think of people named Orville

Orville Wright and Orville Redenbacher, right?

Unless you have a really old great-uncle named Orville, I'm pretty sure they are the only Orvilles that come to mind.

The Wright Brothers, Orville and Wilbur, who are credited with inventing the first airplane.  And Orville Redenbacher, the popcorn guy.

We have someone in our family who is an adult, a college graduate, a spouse and a parent, WHO DIDN'T KNOW WHO ORVILLE REDENBACHER IS.

What is up with that?

Call me old, but if you don't know who Orville Redenbacher is, you:
a.  have lived under a rock your entire life
b.  were raised by wolves
c.  are a baby and can't eat popcorn yet

I'm just sayin.

Love you, relativewhohasnocluewhoorvilleredenbacheris.

And also, what was wrong with the Wright Brothers parents?  Orville and Wilbur?  Are those like the cool/weird names of the late 1860's?  Everyone else was going with John or William, but not Mrs. Wright.  She wanted to be cool, so she chose Orville and Wilbur.  

Monday, January 9, 2012

first lost tooth

Superfrykid lost her first tooth today.

She was eating her waffle this morning and discovered that it was gone.  We looked everywhere, but alas, the tooth was nowhere to be found.

She swallowed it.


I'm not looking for it anymore. 


Thursday, January 5, 2012

getting older but not wiser

Today is my birthday.

I am 36.


If you think about it, I'm kind of at the top of the downhill slope toward death.


So I'm getting older, but I'm not sure I'm getting wiser.

Here's an example of something that actually happened to me today. 

It has nothing to do with my birthday, but I think it illustrates that my brain is not quite what it used to be.

I had a text conversation with my 20-something, recently engaged niece that went like this:

Me:  Do you have a favorite verse or quotation that I could use to put on your shower invitation?

Niece:  I don't care. Surprise me. :)

Immediately following her text, this "draft" appeared in the same thread:
"Do I have enough money to buy six bags for me to use for nye?  I can drop off the cash tuesday"

Now, I don't know about you, but when I read this, my jaw dropped. 

Here's what went through my mind:
I know my niece went to Baltimore with her fiance and friends for New Year's Eve.  Baltimore is a hub for drugs.  What else would she be buying baggies of and paying for with cash?  Why did she accidently send me this?  How am I going to confront her with this?  I saw her on New Year's Day and she didn't look like she was on drugs.  6 bags?  Why wouldn't you make your friends buy their own?  And she said, "do I have enough money?"  Like, does she make deposits with her supplier for future purchases?  What's up with that?  I don't think that's how it works.  Ugh.  It's always something.  This is going to be ugly.

I showed Superfrydad when he got home and we didn't know what to think.  Since the message showed as a draft, I was slightly confused because when I replied to my niece, it showed ME as the sender. 

I actually uttered this sentence:  "I did NOT type that!  What do I buy in baggies for New Year's Eve?"

Then it hit me.

Bags of shrimp.

Food Lion had a sale on frozen bags of shrimp and I was going to my sister's & couldn't make it to the store by the time the sale ended so I was GOING to ask my niece to stop & get me some because she lives very close to Food Lion.  (take a big breath after that long run on sentence.) Then I changed my mind because I felt bad asking her to do my shopping for New Year's Eve, so I never sent the message.

However, my phone saved my text as a draft and in my "old-person brain stupor", as I like to call it, I totally forgot that I had typed those words.

Plus, as an old person, I automatically assume that all young people buy drugs in baggies & pay with cash on tuesday.

It's all downhill from here, people.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Angry Birds is going to help me conquer my NYR

Angry Birds is going to help me conquer my New Year's Resolution.

How's that, you might ask?

Superfrykid got a Kindle Fire for Christmas.

I love it.

She loves it.

It's great b/c she can use it for lots of different things and since she's an only child, we don't have to hear anyone fighting over it.

Also, I realllllly am starting to like Angry Birds. 

I never understood why people liked this game.  Seemed kind of dumb to me.

What's so great about sliding your finger across a screen and trying to kill green pigs?

I'll tell you, there's nothing like the satisfaction of completing a level that you've tried to beat 122 times in a row.

Angry Birds is my new favorite game.  I realize that it's probably "out" since I've now discovered it, but whatever, that's the story of my life.

Our church is reading the Bible through in 2012.  (As our pastor says:  "All the way through in two-oh-one-two" - kind of corny, but it's also kind of catchy.)  I've tried to do this many times and always kind of fizzle out after Leviticus.  However, this year I have a plan.

Since I can get the Bible on the Kindle Fire, I am simply going to read my assigned Bible chapters BEFORE I allow myself to play Angry Birds.  Genius, right?

I think this is a great arrangement.  But I can't help but thinking it's kind of like doing 10 jumping jacks and allowing yourself to eat 5 Krispy Kreme donuts. 

Shouldn't I just read the verses and not have to have an incentive other than spiritual need and personal growth?

Don't answer that.

Also, now I'm hungry for a Krispy Kreme.

Excuse me while I go do a few jumping jacks.