Sunday, May 14, 2017

The Best Mother's Day Gift

Today is Mother's Day.

Superfrydad & Superfrykid took me out to dinner last night.  I chose Cracker Barrel, because Superfrydad doesn't like it and so we never go there as a family.  Also, I am an 80 year old on the inside.  Today we went to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2, which was surprisingly funny and made me cry at the end. Like lump in my throat cry.  Tears pouring down my face cry.  Sniffling and wiping my nose cry.  And the music and 80's references are pretty good.


This post is about what I gave my mom for Mother's Day.

I gave her the greatest gift a mother can receive.

I gave her the keys to the karma bus and she ran me down with it.

Mom came over for breakfast, and Superfrykid asked to play a game of Sorry. Grandmothers cannot say no to their grandchildren, so down on the floor went our butts to play a game that is second only to Uno in terms of making people mad at each other.

Anybody else hate the look of the new Sorry game?  The classic one is way better.

During the game, I strategically played my cards and Superfrykid happened to be in the way a couple of times.
Being 12, she acted like a toddler about it.
Being 41, I also acted like a toddler about it and whacked her game piece off the board if I happened to get a Sorry card.  And I said "Waaah" like a ninja when I did it.

Superfrykid tried to cheat, I called her out on it.
Superfrykid can't shuffle, I offered to shuffle and was rebuffed with an "I can DO it!"

I happened to be removing the nail polish from my toes.
Superfrykid complained about the smell and that my foot was "in her face."
In my head, I replied with, "I'm about to put my foot up your butt", but instead, I opted for the response of a mature mother and wiggled my toes at her in defiance and made a face at her.
Basically, the game was us picking at each other like my sister & I used to do when we were kids.

Mom won and Superfrykid was putting the game away.  She came in last, btw. Incidentally, my mom has won every single game of Scrabble we have ever played. Every. Single. Game.

Anyway, there are 2 indentations in the plastic.
One shaped like a deck of cards, and a larger one for the game pieces.

Superfrykid jammed all of the game pieces into the card slot, and I reached over and moved the pieces over so she could put the cards in the correct slot.
She moved them back.
I said, "The pieces go there and the cards go in the one shaped like a deck of cards."

I did not say it in the gentle manner of a mother who is teaching her child the ways of board game clean up. It was more like how one might say it when adding "moron" to the end, like this:

"......& the cards go in the one shaped like a deck of cards, moron."

Except I didn't say moron, because if one diagrammed that sentence, the moron would be understood.  "....& the cards go in the one shaped like a deck of cards (moron)."

She said, "No! THIS is the way it goes."
I rolled my eyes and let her do it the wrong way.
Which clearly was the high road, ending the dispute in a noble way.

My mother laughed and laughed.
She said, "Karma!", with a glee that only a mother who just backed over her first born with the karma bus can.

So there you have it.
The best gift for Mother's Day is not flowers, candy, jewelry, or even a handmade card.
The best gift you can give your mom for Mother's Day is to accept the fact that when she said, "One day your kids will act just like you, " she was right.

So my suggestion for all of you young moms out there is this:  go ahead and buy a nice key chain to put the karma bus key on.  At some point, you'll need it to hand it over to your mother so she can flatten you, reverse and hit you again, and then drive off yelling out the window, "I told you so!"