Friday, September 2, 2011

WalMart, or as I like to call it, the Ghetto of the Twilight Zone

I like to make lists.  I make to do lists and grocery lists and lists of ideas and lists of lists to make.

Then I lose them.

I can never find a list when I need it.  Somehow, between my house, the car and WalMart, my list disappears into thin air.  I can dig in my purse for 10 minutes and the list is nowhere to be found.  Finally I convince myself I must have left the list on the counter at home and go into battle go into WalMart without a plan. 

I emerge from battle walk out of WalMart $183 later. 

Then when I get my keys out of my purse, I find the list of the 5 things I needed.  3 of them did not get purchased.  1 of the 3 is toilet paper.

Diarrhea is sure to hit our house tomorrow if I do not go back in and get it.  However, I just spent $183 and I don't want to go back into the ghetto back into WalMart.  And it's 90 degrees outside and I bought popsicles.  They're the Great Value kind, not the expensive ones, but still....Time is of the essence here to get my groceries home and everyone knows you can't just run into WalMart "real quick".

I think the doors to WalMart are actually portals to the Ghetto of the Twilight Zone.  Time is not the same inside the GOTTZ (GhettoOfTheTwilightZone) as it is outside.  You can go in for one item and it still takes you 20 minutes to get out of there. 

Also, people change when they enter GOTTZ.  You suddenly feel the urge to purchase jeggings or a World's Greatest Dad Tshirt or a giant tub of onion pretzels.  You wonder why you feel overdressed even though you're wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  Everyone else seems to be in pajamas or a hospital gown.  Your Payless flip flops seem like Christian Louboutins compared to the footwear seen here.  In GOTTZ, 60% of people wear bedroom slippers, 5% have no shoes, and the rest are in boots with fur.  Mind you, it's 90 degrees outside. 

I'm not saying WalMart is bad.  I'm just saying that you shouldn't forget your list.  Because then you get sucked in and end up buying things that you don't need, like beef jerky, and forget the things you do need, like toilet paper.

If diarrhea hits us tomorrow, at least we'll have popsicles.

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