Monday, April 30, 2012

sweet sweet frog

Have you been to Sweet Frog?

It's a frozen yogurt mecca shop featuring yummy frozen yogurt and every topping known to man.

One just opened in our little community & so far, I think I've been there.......6 times in 3 weeks.

That sounds like an exaggeration, but sadly, it's true.

I think I may have a new addiction.

So here's a little survey to see how close you are to becoming the next victim fan of the little green frog.

+1      If you have heard of Sweet Frog
+3      If you have been to Sweet Frog
+10    If you have already received 10 punches on your little card
-5      If you have never heard of Sweet Frog
+25   If you are a Facebook fan of your local Sweet Frog
+5     If you try a new flavor each time you go
-5      If you only get one flavor of yogurt per trip
+5     If you get the big bowl instead of the regular sized one
-10    If you turn the spoon the wrong way in the toppings container
-50    If you touch the toppings spoon onto your yogurt and then put back the tainted spoon
-75    If you eat or lick out of your bowl before it's weighed
-5      If you ask if the strawberry poppers are caviar
-5      If you whine or complain about the length of the line
+10   If you write or draw something interesting on their chalkboard

Basically, if you haven't taken your kid there, you are a bad parent should.

It's yummy.

And if you haven't been there, you won't really get this post.  So go.  Then you can come back and add up your points.  While you're there, I recommend the Mountain Blackberry topped with Almonds OR the Chocolate with Peanut Butter Sauce and Golden Grahams.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

The Stanley Clan: Made to Fly

This is from a blog I follow called The Stanley Clan.

It was good for me to read today.

Go read it & then come back to me and read the rest of this post.

The Stanley Clan: Made to Fly: A week ago, I had just arrived home from New York, my highlights were fresh and my hair was still coiffed, my nails painted perfectly, m...

Here's what I was GOING to post today:

You know those ads for weight loss supplements that say "Lose Your Stubborn Belly Fat!"?  
Well, I just realized what my problem is.
My belly fat is not stubborn.
It's jolly and happy and jiggly.  
My belly fat is not stubborn.  
It's just fat.  It's too lazy to do anything but just hang out.  Not to mention it also hangs over my waistband.  Maybe if my fat was stubborn, it would get mad and leave.  I need to tick off my belly fat so it becomes stubborn.  Then maybe I can get rid of it.

I think The Stanley Clan had a great post today.
I think I will not dwell on my belly fat today.
I think I will be thankful and be content.
What will you be today?

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

no more frozen car doors

So I've been complaining telling you about my car.  The one that features car doors that freeze and then spontaneously fly open while I'm driving?

Well, today marks the end of an era.

We got a different car.

Not a new car.

But it feels new to me.

I can't tell you how excited and happy I am to drive a car that features car doors that do not freeze.

But I am kind of sad.

My old car, affectionately known as "The Beast", still runs.

I feel like I'm putting my childhood cat to sleep because I got a new kitten.

Wait, that's not a very good analogy, because I really don't like animals & that wouldn't really bother me too much.  Go ahead, judge me.

Let's try again.

I feel like I'm telling my old best friend that I don't like anymore that I have a new, much cooler, best friend.

Relieved not to have to deal with the old, pain-in-the-butt friend, yet sad because there is so much history there.

The Beast has witnessed laughter, tears, fights, sing-a-longs, and has carried us safely across many miles.

My kids came home from the hospital in The Beast.

I have eaten approximately 44,000 french fries in The Beast.

37 of which are still probably under or in the seats.

I'm also sad because now I won't be able to blog about my crappy car.

Maybe my new car will be a lemon.

Wait, I take that back.  Don't want to jinx myself.

New car, if you can hear me, I think you are awesome.  Nobody cares if you aren't brand new.  You're new to me and that's all that matters.

Now don't break down on me.

Or I'll send The Beast to find you and beat you up.

Wait, how did this post turn into a pretend conversation ending in a threat made to an inanimate object?

Sunday, April 22, 2012

hold the blueberries, please

This weekend I actually made a recipe that I got from Pinterest.

Do you Pinterest?  If so, you should follow me by clicking on that red button over there on the right.

If you do not Pinterest, run away.  It will suck you in and you will sit for hours planning parties you will never throw and laughing at highly inappropriate e-cards.

Anyway, back to the recipe.

It was for Buttermilk Blueberry Cake.

The recipe called for 3 things that I do not have on hand in my kitchen:  buttermilk, blueberries, and lemon zest.

So this meant a special trip to the grocery store.

Do you know how much fresh blueberries cost right now?

Let me just say that for like, 7 blueberries, it was over $3.  I needed 2 cups.

I cannot bring myself to pay a zillion dollars for 2 cups of blueberries.

That's highway robbery.

Good thing gas isn't made from blueberries.   Because we'd all be riding bikes.  Or a horse.  I'd choose the horse because riding a bike is too much like exercise for my liking.  And with a horse, I wouldn't have to worry about frozen car doors.  Poop, maybe, or getting kicked in the head, but not frozen car doors.  Which, in my life, is a plus.

Anyway, back to the recipe.

So I bought frozen blueberries, some buttermilk (also expensive), and a lemon.

I made the cake.

From scratch.

Superfrydad ate a piece.  I asked him if he liked it.

Here's how the conversation went:

ME:  Did you like the cake?

SFD:  It was ok.

ME:  I made it from scratch.  You didn't like it?

SFD:  I didn't say I didn't like it.  It was ok.

ME:  What didn't you like about it?

SFD:  I don't really like blueberries.

ME: We've been married for 17 years and I'm just now learning you don't like blueberries?

SFD:  I like blueberries.

ME:  You just said you didn't like the blueberries in the cake.

SFD:  I didn't like them.

ME: like blueberries, you just didn't like the cake?

SFD:  No, I liked the cake, I just didn't like biting down on the whole blueberries.

ME:  So you only like blueberries if they are cut in half?  Whole blueberries are unacceptable?  Would you prefer them if they were pureed?  Pureed blueberries only, please.  I am a man of refined taste.

SFD:  (shrug)

ME:   Aaaarrrrrgh!  (Pulling out my hair because I just had a 5 minute conversation about blueberries.)

So, needless to say, I ate almost the whole cake.  In 2 days.  This is why I weigh...well, never mind what I weigh.

I did take a piece to the Don, who accepted it and did not have any gripes about blueberries.

Which is what I like to hear.

No gripes.

Especially no gripes about blueberries.

Who doesn't like blueberries?

Especially in cake?

Cake, like ketchup, makes everything taste better.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

frozen car doors are not my problem now

Remember I told you about my lovely car?  You know, the one that features a cassette player, floorboards that flood, and, from time to time, frozen car doors?

Last time we talked I had no a/c.  But we recently got it fixed, since summer is quickly approaching.

Or so we thought.  The fixed part.  Not the summer part.

The other day, when it was eighty degrees out, I decided to turn on the a/c.  You can guess what happened.

It was not cold air.  It was more like some giant sweaty person going, "haaaah", into the vent.

So since it's been only a few weeks since it was "fixed", we took it back again for a free re-repair.

Only this time, instead of adding coolant or whatever they did before, they said it needed a new evaporator.

Which, apparently, is not an easy thing to fix.

Because it costs about $690. 

I'm pretty sure my car isn't even worth that much.

Just to be sure, I looked it up on Kelley Blue Book.

Secretly, I thought maybe I was wrong and that looking it up would make me feel better after I confirmed that I was just exaggerating.

The trade in value for my car in fair condition?


The good news?  I am a good estimator.

The bad news?  I am already a sweaty kind of person and a/c is one of the things I really love in life.  Plus, I don't really want to show up to work with sweat rings from driving.  People would think I was working out in my work clothes and not showering before I came to work.  So gross.  On second thought, who am I kidding?  Everybody knows I hate to exercise.

I realize this is a very first-world problem to have. 

I mean, how many people would love to own a car?  Even one without a/c?

How many people would love to have a job to drive to?  Even if they had to show up with sweat rings?

How many people would love to be tall enough to reach the pedals? I was thinking of midgets little people there.  Not a third-world problem that I know of, but you know what I'm saying.

My point here is that I am thankful.  I'm thankful to be healthy and wealthy enough that this is my biggest problem today.

Hopefully I will be able to remind myself of this when I have to keep my arms down at work later this week.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I am not the walrus

Warning:  this is my attempt at a serious, thoughtful post.  It's sure to not be up everyone's alley, but that's ok.  Your alley can remain ketchupless if you like.  Although, I guess if you have ketchup in your alley, you'd be likely to slip.  Nevermind, this was supposed to be serious.


Let's start over.

So Superfrykid got a little Sunflower Seed Pot in her Easter basket.  We put it in the window and added water and guess what? 

We have some little sunflowers growing.

Notice that the sprouts actually push up the outer shell of the sunflower seed and then when it opens, the outer shell falls off. 

Sometimes growing can be painful.  But getting rid of our crusty outer shell is a necessary part of life.  Why try to hold on to the crustiness? 
Let it go and reach up and grow.

That is all.

Now let's back up a minute.

Did I really just say "Let it go and reach up and grow."?

Someone needs to slap me.

I sound like a bad, sappy version of Dr. Phil. 

Sorry, Dr. Phil.

Not that I think Dr. Phil is going to read this but I gotta cover my bases here.  You never know when the Philster might google his own name & start at the bottom.

 I don't think I'd want him as my enemy. 

Although, how can you really take a man who has a walrus mustache seriously? 

His wife, Robin, however, is a different story.  That lady looks like she would cut you.  Just sayin'. 

Saturday, April 14, 2012

amish karate

We took a little trip to Lancaster, PA to see "Jonah" at Sight & Sound Theatre.


The Sight & Sound Theatre kind of looks like a mosque.  Just sayin'.

But Superfrykid enjoyed the show and then we took her to the pool at the hotel.  The hotel had a really nice indoor water park for kids, plus a separate indoor pool.  When we arrived, the kiddie water park was full of screaming children kids having a great time and there were only a few people in the regular pool.  We opted for the regular pool.  After about a half an hour, we noticed the life guards were closing the kiddie pool.  A great migration began as families began to cart their stuff over and put it on the chairs around the indoor pool.  Water-winged cherubs plunged into the water, and the population of the indoor  pool went from about 5 people to about 40.  The life guards donned rubber gloves and got the big strainer thing out.

This could only mean one thing. 

Somebody pooped in the kiddie pool.


And I'm pretty sure the guilty party came over and got into the regular pool without wiping. 

How do I know this?

Because I was watching to see which mom was going to flee with her towel wrapped toddler into the nearest bathroom while dad scrounged up the rest of their stuff & tried to walk out nonchalantly with the rest of the kids screaming, "Why are we leaving now, daddy?" 

But nobody did.  They ALL came over to the indoor pool and plopped, no pun intended, into the water.

Thankfully, I was not in the water because I do not wear a bathing suit if I can help it.  Being insecure about putting on a bathing suit can have it's advantages.  No pee soup or poop infested water for me, thanks.

What else?  Not much.  We ate and we played mini-golf, which is quite an Amish thing to do, right?

Speaking of the Amish, who knew that Amish people were into karate? That bearded giant with the rake looks like he is going to hong-kong phooey Superfrydad. (Thanks, KWTF Superpsycho Superfan for pointing that out.)

All in all, it was a nice little getaway.  And I do realize that going to Lancaster for Spring Break ranks pretty high on the dork-o-meter.  But I'm okay with that.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Hunger Games Bandwagon

Are you on the Hunger Games Bandwagon yet?

Here's a little quiz you can take to see how much you like the Hunger Games:

+5   You read the book before the movie hype began

+10   You read all of the books before the move hype began

-10   You saw the movie but haven't read any of the books

+3   You are considering naming your next cat, "Katniss"

+5   You think Peeta is a cool name and it does not make you think of urine

-10   You think Peeta sounds like a British baby trying to say "Peter" and it also makes you have to pee

+25  You want your next special occasion dress to feature real fire

+2  When you burn your toast you wish there was a poor girl outside your door to throw it to

-5  You can't picture Donald Sutherland as a bad guy because you can only picture him as Elizabeth Bennett's father in Pride and Prejudice

+50  You are already planning your Halloween costume around the Hunger Games

+5  You have been inspired to take up archery

+5  You raided your grandmother's jewelry box looking for a cool bird pin to wear

How did you score?

0-2  The bandwagon passed you by and you're ok with it

3-5 You want to ride the bandwagon but it's going too fast for you to catch it

6-10  You have a seat in the bandwagon

11-14  You are riding shotgun in the bandwagon

15-25  You are driving the bandwagon

25 or more  You make the schedule for the bandwagon and it parks at your house every night.

Have you read The Hunger Games?  Have you seen the movie?  What did you think?

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Easter Monday Tradition

On the Monday after Easter, we went to the zoo with some friends.  It's Spring Break here & since we don't have the money to go to the beach or go on a cruise, we decided to go to the zoo.

Little did we know, the zoo has an Easter Monday tradition of it's own.

This pic is a little blurry b/c I was in a moving vehicle and I was using my little pocket camera.  However, I think you can still read what it says.

That's right.

Easter Monday.   An African-American Family Tradition.

I never knew that it was an African-American Family Tradition to go to the zoo on Easter Monday.

Even with a spray tan, I am still pretty much the whitest person you know.

It was a fun zoo day.  There were lots of families there - black, white, yellow, brown, red, orange (the orange ones were the ones who got a bad spray tan).  I didn't see any purple people, but I guess maybe I should check the schedule and go when it's purple people day.

Here are some zoo highlights:

1.  Police on segways.  Picture Mall Cop.  There were officers on segways everywhere.  It was like they were making a sequel called "Zoo Cop".  One guy, who was not so small, was quickly heading up the steep hill (if you've been to the National Zoo, you know the one).  He was saying "Move It" or "Excuse Me" or something like that really loudly so he didn't run over anyone.  However, since he was going uphill, if he slowed down too much, he started to tilt backwards.  I was hoping he would not fall, but kind of hoping he would, just so I could mark it off of my bucket list.  See someone fall off of a segway and roll down a hill.

2.  Police on horseback.  There were 2 officers on these HUGE horses standing at one of the exits.  People were crowding around them, petting the horses and talking to the officers.  Nevermind the pandas and the elephants, a horse with a badge is something special. 

3.  Guardian Angels.  There was a large group of men there wearing Red Berets, combat boots, and matching T-shirts.  I have never heard of them, but after googling it, I see that they are the "Guardian Angels", which is " a volunteer organization whose mission is to safeguard communities from bullying, gangs, and violence".  The berets and combat boots threw me off because I thought they were some kind of militant protesters or something.  Thankfully, they were there to keep us safe.  I hear that Cheetahs can be major bullies.

4.  Cotton Candy.  Also known as five dollars well spent so as not to hear your child whine all day long.  Maybe it's just me, or are all of our kids weird because they are hugging their cotton candy?

5.  Animals.  I guess this is the reason why you go to the zoo.  I didn't get any good pictures because I left my good camera at home.  Superfrykid took most of the pictures and when she couldn't get a picture of a real animal, she took a picture of the placard in front of the exhibit.
She did get a picture of the Komodo Dragon, which happens to be the creepiest animal on Earth.  I don't think the placard says that, but it should.

Anyway, it was a good trip and we didn't get lost and there were no fights in the car and what more could you ask for?

What are you doing for Spring Break?

she may never brush again

Superfrykid may never brush again.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Easter Recap

Here's a rundown of our Easter weekend:

1.  Breakfast and Egg Hunt at Church

Yes, we throw the eggs on the ground in the parking lot.  Not much "hunting", but the kids love it.

2.  Egg Coloring and Egg Hunt at Home with Mamaw and Aunt Pee

Superbabycousin LOVES Superfrydad!  He is like a grumpy, bearded babywhisperer.

Superbabycousin is wondering if that is really Dora's head.  Superfrykid is doing her impression of the Easter Bunny taking a dump.

3.  Sunday Morning Worship at Church

Superfrydad wears a suit on 3 occasions:   Easter, weddings and funerals.  Note the purple tie.  If you know him, you know that's a big deal.

4.  Easter Dinner & 80th Birthday Celebration for Great-Grandma
Remember my grandmother, aka "The Don"?  She turns 80 later this week, so we celebrated Easter and her birthday on Sunday.
The Don is the only person I know who can rock purple pants. Also, she's not wearing a crazy hat, it's just the lamp behind her.  This was not a lampshade on the head kind of a party.  Although if I live to be 80, I might put a lampshade on my head.  And I will wear purple pants, but I won't rock them the way the Don does.

All in all, I'd say it was a pretty good Easter. 

What did you do for Easter?

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Friday, April 6, 2012

Easter Eve Eve

Today is Good Friday. 

In my brain, I call it Easter Eve Eve.

Today I've been making some preparations for Easter weekend.

I've actually kind of enjoyed it.  I kind of like Easter better than Christmas. 

The Easter story is amazing.

Christ rose from the dead. 

Rose from the dead, people!

Know what part of the Easter story I like the best?  I have a couple of favorites.  The earthquake, the other people who came back to life (say what?), and the fact that women were the first to hear the news.

Know what part of non-churchy Easter I like the best?  Cadbury Mini-Eggs (not the kind with snot inside - the chocolate ones with a crunchy candy shell-kind)

What's your favorite thing about Easter?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

I cannot tell a lie

Superfrykid has been learning about George Washington.

Here's what she brought home from school yesterday:

If you can't see it very well, this is what it says:

You should always tell the truth because: "you get in less trouble!"

I'm pretty sure that that is not the correct answer.

But I guess it's honest, and isn't that the point we're trying to make here?

Monday, April 2, 2012

Spray Tanning

One of the local tanning salons was giving away free spray tans last week.

That's right.

Free.  Spray.  Tans.

Have I mentioned that I am the whitest person you know?

Not just white.

Pasty white.

Splotchy, veiny, white.

My friend told me about it & so we went to check it out. 

I had actually been to this fine establishment before, so I knew what to expect.  Faithful KWTF fans will remember the Stand Up Coffin debacle of June 2011. 

So let me give you a break down of my latest visit and my observations.

#1.  Tanning salon employees must meet a few criteria.  Must have blonde hair, super white teeth, weigh less than 115 pounds soaking wet, be between the ages of 18 and 21, and must love Jersey Shore.  Also, must have a deep, dark tan rivaling the skin tone of Grace Jones.  If you don't know who Grace Jones is, you are too young to be reading this blog.  Google it if you must, but I am rolling my eyes at you.

#2.  In the past, the person who did the spray tanning was a middle aged woman, presumably the owner, who smokes and carries a few extra pounds herself.  She totally makes you feel comfortable while you are standing there shivering, basically naked except for a pair of underwear and a shower cap.  HOWEVER....the free spray tan last week was administered by one of the young, skinny, blonde and very tan employees. 

Fine, whatever.  I've come to accept my body.  It is what is is.  I've borne 2 children and have had an eating disorder known as overeating for awhile now.  I have stretch marks, cottage cheese thighs, muffin tops and wouldn't be surprised if I were asked if I'm pregnant.  (I'm not.)

While I was getting sprayed, I kept wanting to tell the girl that I used to be skinny like she was. 

But I was afraid that might make her cry.

So I just kept my mouth shut and got my free tan.

There's no crying in tanning.  It makes you have white lines down your orange face.