Sunday, January 27, 2013

crusty ketchup

I can't remember what edition of crusty ketchup this is.  I think it's #3, but I can't remember.  I CAN count higher than two, I just can't remember where I left off last.  That's why it's called crusty ketchup, because it's old stuff that you've probably already seen, but still makes me laugh or think or smile.

Cover Tunes by MercyMe and various others (Lecrae) - these are kind of funny & worth a minute of your time if you like music and silliness.  There are others, but these were my favorites.
Justin Beiber  "Baby"
Beatles "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da"

Christian food for thought:
Is Marriage Really an Illustration of Christ and the Church?

Decidedly non-Christian, and super old, but still funny:
Sweet Brown
Sweet Brown autotune remix

I'm sure there are more things out there worth adding to crusty ketchup, but I keep forgetting about them.

In other news, today is Superfrydad's birthday.  We are at the stage in life where we don't even bother giving each other cards anymore.  Not sure what that means, but I'm ok with it and so is he, so stop judging me all you pinterest-perfect people.  He's 41.  In 9 years he will be 50 and Superfrykid will be 16 going on 17.  Wowza.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

she put the mis in les mis

I went to see Les Miserables today with my friend and her daughter.

The movie was wonderful.  It's probably not for everyone, but I loved it.  And it's a musical, which is awesome.  I love a musical.

It's been out for several weeks now & we went to the matinee, so we figured it would not be very crowded.  However, the theater was pretty full.  Mostly older people who, like us, waited in order to avoid the annoying crowds.

But you know what they say.

There's one in every crowd.

Annoying person, that is.

And this annoying person in the crowd happened to sit directly behind my friend.

You know the sound that a nylon puffy coat makes?  schwishee schwishee schwishee

Times that by like 100 super fast.  schwishee schwishee schwishee schwishee schwishee

The person behind us (let's call her Bertha).... Bertha had taken off her nylon puffy coat and placed it over her legs like a blanket.  Her knees were right behind our heads.

A few minutes into the movie the schwishing began.

It was like Bertha had restless leg syndrome.  In both legs.

She would schwishee schwishee for a minute.  Then stop.

Then it would happen again.

I looked at my friend to see if maybe I was the only one that could hear this.  One look at her face confirmed that she was ready to pull out her hair.

We both turned around discreetly and gave her a dirty look looked at her meaningfully hoping she would get the hint.

She stopped for a nanosecond.

Then, schwishee schwishee schwishee schwishee.

I turned around.  I looked at Bertha, smiled and said in a low voice, "Dude."  Clearly, she had to know that this was annoying.  At this point my friend was leaning forward as far as she could in her seat to escape the schwishing.

She stopped.  For another nanosecond.

Then, schwishee schwishee schwishee schwishee.

Finally, I turned around and gently placed my hand on her knee and I said, "You're driving us nuts," as nicely as I possibly could.

Bertha gave me a blank stare, and I smiled as if to say, "I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that maybe you didn't hear me say "dude" earlier and that maybe you haven't noticed that your legs rubbing against your jacket is about to start a fire."

Sweet silence.  For a second.

Then, schwishee schwishee schwishee schwishee.


Did this girl really just ignore my polite request to stop schwishing in our ears during the best parts of the movie?

She did.

And I let it go.

Because it was Les Mis.

It's what Jean Valjean would have done, right?

Sunday, January 6, 2013

old enough to know better

Yesterday was my birthday.

I'm 37.


Wanna know what my best gift was?

A comment from a friend.

We were talking about a mutual acquaintance, and I said something like, "She's the kind of person I wish I was."

And guess what my friend said?

"Eh, you're fine the way you are."

37 isn't really that exciting, but wanna know what I did anyway?

Friday night,  we went bowling with some friends & our kiddos.  This wasn't just any old bowling.  It was "cosmic bowling".  Which means they turn on black lights and a disco ball and play loud music.  Made a rule that when you got a strike, you had to break out a dance move to celebrate.  I'm pretty sure I was the only one who participated and I think I embarrassed myself and everyone else, but so what?  That's the good part about being 37.  You just don't care anymore about trying to be cool.

Got up early on Saturday, and went to a birthday party for a 7 year old, complete with roller skating and a Justin Bieber cake.  Went to lunch with my mom and then came home and took a 3 hour nap because we didn't get home from bowling until after 1 AM.  When I got up, I intended on making Superfrydad take me out to a nice dinner, but I didn't feel like putting on real clothes.  So we went to the drive-thru at Dairy Queen and I wore mismatched pj's and Superfrydad's slippers.  It was awesome.

I guess if my 37 year old self could go back in time and tell my 7 year old self something, it would be this:  "Take care of your body better, don't care so much about pleasing other people, and pick a different bridesmaid dress."

Over Christmas break, Superfrykid found the bridesmaid dress my sister wore in our wedding and tried it on.  It is truly the ghastliest, tackiest, most horrifying thing ever.  Shiny satin and a ginormous bow with strands of fake pearls cascading over the open back.  I can't believe these people are still my friends.

Saturday, January 5, 2013


Do you know what a prepper is?

Back in the day, sometimes kids would call someone a "prep".  Which basically meant they were preppy or snobby or thought they were better. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you are young and probably don't realize that the Jets are not just a football team from New York, but also an 80's pop group.

That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about preppers.

As in Doomsday Preppers, as seen on National Geographic.

I've watched a few episodes.  And for the most part, I think they are crazy.  However, it does make me think about what I may or may not be prepared for in case of a disaster or crisis.

I've been reading some blogs about gathering what preppers call a "bug out kit", which is basically an emergency stash of items that can keep you going for 72 hours, should you need to grab a backpack and flee from your home.

I decided maybe I would begin to gather some items that made sense to water, some granola bars, maybe even a hand-crank radio or flashlight.

Then I came across something that made me stop and think twice.

The Pocket Chainsaw.

Now, I don't know about you, but in my world, the words pocket and chainsaw don't go together.

Basically, it's the chain part of a chainsaw on a shoestring.  The description says that it "rolls up to fit in any pocket" and that it "can be used to cut through any wood surface".  emphasis mine.  

Yes, it can be used to cut through any wood surface.  Pretty sure any tree branch that can be sawed through by the pocket chainsaw could be snapped off by hand.  And if you really did need to use it to do any sort of real "chainsawing", I'm pretty sure you would have no flesh left on your hands.  But that's just me.

I also learned on one of the episodes that some preppers hoard buy large quantities of fish tank antibiotics because it's chemically the same thing as antibiotics we take when we are sick and they can get them without a prescription. I want to take fish tank cleaner in lieu of penicillin? No!  But maybe the next time I'm in PetSmart, I'll stock up so that when the Black Market on Fish Tank Antibiotics goes crazy, I can trade them for some Vienna Sausages.

Friday, January 4, 2013

New Year, Schmew Year

How are you doing on your resolutions for 2013?

I don't make resolutions, but if I did, here's what they would be:

1.  Lose weight.
Of course this is on pretty much everyone's list.  Even skinny people. Who should be slapped for even saying it.  How many calories does a slap burn?  Because I sure could burn some calories slapping some skinny people who think they are fat.

2.  Eat healthy.
Pretty sure finishing off the leftover Christmas candy and cookies does not a healthy New Year make.  Also, it's cold in January, which makes me want to eat biscuits and gravy for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

3.  Save money.
Pretty sure the fiscal cliff (whatever that is) is going to take care of that.  I've been on my own fiscal precipice pretty much my entire life.   Trying to save money that does not exist makes me feel like a hoarder of invisible things.

4.  Get organized.
Does taking down my Christmas tree the day after Christmas count?  I put all of my Christmas stuff in plastic bins.  Then I go clearance shopping and throw the bags on top of the bins.  That's about as organized as I get.

5.  Be kind.
Many people resolve to try and be kinder, gentler and more compassionate.  I'm actually going to try to make this one happen.  Wanna know how?  I am going to hide some people from my facebook feed.  Which will hopefully make me roll my eyes less and smile more.

What are your New Year's Resolutions?