Friday, July 15, 2011

swimming lessons part deux - why I might homeschool

Today was "parent day" at swimming lessons.

Which means that the parents go inside the fence and stand on the side while a non-teenager with a clipboard watches each child do a few basic things like bobbing, front float, back float, etc.  No real swimming here, but I guess they want to make you feel like you are getting your money's worth.

I mean, a non-teen with a clipboard should makes me feel like it's official and that I should be paying for it, right?

And remember Mr. Swimmers?

Mr. Swimmers apparently gives no regard to Mr. Clipboard's authority like the parents do, because he spent the whole time during the "test" squirting other "teachers" with a little green frog.  (Though I must say, for a tiny little toy, it did squirt water a really long way, which must have been very satisfying.)

Well, maybe he didn't use the squirt toy the whole time.  He did take a break to play a drum solo on his stomach.  And since I was standing by the edge, I could hear that it was not only a drum solo, but a rap solo as well because he added some "pffts" to it. 

Mr. Clipboard did not notice at all.  Maybe the job description does not require the applicant to have an attention span of more than 30 seconds.  After all, that's about the amount of time each child gets to "swim" and then they are banished back to the edge of the pool.  Mr. Swimmers probably has an attention span of 40 seconds, so he actually may be a little overqualified.

After the 5 minutes of "skills" (and I use that term loosely), it was play time.  They turned on the giant mushroom, opened the froggy slide and let the kids play for the rest of the 30 minutes.

Seriously?  I could buy a family pass for the whole summer and teach my own child to swim for what I am paying to watch my child hold onto the edge of the pool whilst Mr. Swimmers works on his tan and his musical abilities.  (I just used the word "whilst" again....this could be a yellow flag.)

Which leads me to this:  maybe I should become a homeschooler.   

Dedicated homeschoolers would not let the lack of a pool at home keep their child from learning.  They would find the rich person in their co-op and see if they could come over everyday all summer so they can work on their swimming class (also counts for PE, right?)

Not sure how I am getting from swimming lessons to becoming a homeschooler, but that's just how my brain works.

We have 5 more lessons to go.  And by golly, we paid for it, so we are going to go.

If she doesn't learn to swim, we'll just make it up next year while we homeschool.  We can study for part of the day & then go swimming for the rest.  It will be great. 

Wait.  I forgot.  I can't really swim very well, so I'm probably not qualified to teach my kid to swim.  It's on my original Scmucket List, that I don't swim in water over my head. 

If Mr. Swimmers is more qualified than I am in any area pertaining to my child, does that mean I am a bad mom?

Don't answer that.

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