Tuesday, October 8, 2013

unenergetic party hosts need not apply

So this past weekend we visited my sister, Pee (yes, that is her real nickname), her husband, SonofaDutch, and their delightful daughter, PPPnut (yes, that is also her real nickname, sometimes shortened to just Pnut).

Anyway, it was Pnut's 3rd birthday so my sister planned a party for 22 of Pnut's closest friends.
This kid has a busier social life at 3 than I've ever had my entire life.

So she booked a local place where Pnut takes soccer lessons.
In case you're wondering, 3 year old soccer teacher is about #942 on my list of jobs I never want.

The indoor soccer place offers a turn-key party, much like Monkey Joe's or Pump It Up, where you have the party there so you don't have to clean up afterward, etc.

My sister purchased the highest level package, which was to include a one hour/age appropriate soccer class, 50 minutes in a "spacious party room", one "energetic party host" for the first hour of the party, all party supplies, 3 large pizzas, and bottomless pitchers.  She also added bounce houses for an extra fee.
They always get you with the bounce houses.  Who can say no to that?

So my niece and her 22 little friends arrive.  And they wait in the spacious party room for their energetic party host to get there and begin the fun.  The party was supposed to start at 10:00 am.  Most people arrive at least a few minutes early.  At 10:10, my sister went hunting for the party host.
10-17 minutes inside a spacious party room with 22 toddlers?  Unless your definition of spacious is the size of 7 football fields, there is not enough room.  Also?  They can see the bounce houses.  And, being 3, know that the fastest way to get out of the spacious party room and go jump is to scream repeatedly and as ear-piercingly as possible.  

So finally the "energetic party host" arrives.  My sister described her as a 12 year old who let a soccer ball fall from her hands onto the field and whispered, "Okay kids, go get the ball and try to kick it into the goal," accompanied by a weak shooing motion with her hands.
Also?  One ball for 22 toddlers?  This is not a sharing class, nor does anyone have any expectation that any form of real soccer game is about to occur.  3 year olds are like tiny tyrants who all need their own ball and possibly another one to hold in case someone steals the first one.  Those people should have had at least 44 soccer balls there, plus a few extra in case someone poops on one.  Because someone WILL poop.  I'm not sure of the exact mathematical calculation, but 22 toddlers times 22 sippy cups divided by 1 milk allergy multiplied by the law of going potty right before the party starts plus forgetting your extra outfit equals at least one poop blowout. 

All in all, the party worked out.  After all, 3 year olds have the memory of a fruit fly. Once they got in the bounce houses, I'm sure they all forgot about how much the first part sucked.  My guess is, they probably didn't even notice.  I mean, kids who are entertained by colanders and wooden spoons aren't too picky, right?  They don't even know what "energetic party host" means.  And I don't think they care.  Because they're 3.  Happy Birthday, PPPnut.  You're awesome!

PPPnut & Superfrykid at the Pumpkin Patch

This photo we like to call Weekend at Bernie's-Toddler Edition,
because it looks like Pee is totally holding up Pnut a la Weekend at Bernie's.
Maybe we are the only ones who cracked up at this, but I almost peed my pants
during the wagon ride when I looked at the picture.

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