halloween, the day after

Yesterday was Halloween.

Superfrykid was a Sailor Girl.

Not because she wanted to be a Sailor Girl, but because that's the most appropriate costume in her size that was on clearance last year after Halloween.

She put it on last week to make sure it fit, and decided it was itchy.

So we put a shirt and leggings under it.

Then it was too tight.

So I snipped the elastic in the waist.

Then the hat was not right.

So I put it on her head with bobby pins.

Then the hat made her hot.

You get the idea.

Superfrykid was not happy about the costume.  I almost faltered and purchased a $35 piece of crap costume made of flimsy material worth about $1.79.  Then I thought to myself, "Nope. Not doing it.  She's going to wear what I told her to wear or she's not going to dress up."

So Halloween night came.  I prepared myself for battle.
All for naught.  She wore the costume and had a great time.  She would have been happy to wear a garbage bag.  (I know, I'm so mean.  But I should get extra points for using the word "naught" in a sentence, right?)

We stopped to see Great-Grandma (aka "The Don") first.
The Don keeps a small basket of candy on her counter.  On top of the candy, though, is a large ziploc bag of Fig Newtons.  She had to pick up the Fig Newtons to get to the candy, and I could see the look of relief on Superfrykid's face when she was offered candy only and not Fig Newtons.

I was talking to a few of my friends who were handing out candy and we were discussing how much candy is the right amount to give.

For those who are interested, here are my recommended guidelines:
Kingsize Candy Bar            Homemade Costume
2 Handfuls of Candy           Funny or Creative Costume
(even those that slightly miss the mark, like "Reigning Cats and Dogs"-New Girl fan, anyone?)
1 Handful of Candy            Storebought costume for ages 3-12
2 pieces of Candy              Those who clearly made no effort until 2 minutes before leaving
1 piece of Candy               Anyone with a real mustache (male or female)
1 piece of Candy               Babies with no teeth because who are you kidding?
Dots                                 Adults who follow their kids with their own bag.

I must say, I'm glad Halloween is over.  I actually took down my pumpkins and put up my Nativity today.  (Arrangement by SFK)

one size does not fit all

I'm not a fan of "one size fits all".

Because it doesn't.

As you know, I've been reading A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans.  If you don't, read about it here and here.

One of the things I appreciate about this book is that it demonstrates that being a "biblical woman" is not a "one size fits all" deal.

Thinking that "biblical" looks the same on all women is like telling all of the women in the world that they have to wear the same bridesmaid dress and look good in it. 

A yellow, halter bridesmaid dress.

Who looks good in that?

Not many of us.

And those who do would still probably choose something else.

Maybe we need to rethink what it means to be a "biblical" woman and worry less about what others are wearing and more about making sure our own skirt is not tucked into our underwear in the back.

the not so secret secret

Ok, so I bragged about told you about being selected as part of the launch team for Rachel Held Evans' upcoming book A Year of Biblical Womanhood.

I downloaded my copy of the book last night and started reading. I made myself stop at the end of the second chapter, because I want to make it last.  It's pretty good so far.  Informative, but not boring.  Funny, but not crass.  Interesting, but not fluffy.  I think I'm going to like it.

But today's post is not about the book.  I will post a review after I finish reading it.

Today I want to talk about the secret facebook group that goes along with being in the launch group.  It's a closed group, which is why they call it a secret, I guess.

Dear Thomas Nelson Publishers: calling something a secret doesn't really make it secret.

Because I am totally going to talk about it here.
And my 2 readers  all of my readers will know about it, which makes it a closed group, not a secret group.  But I confess, I may not have applied to be a part of the launch team if a secret facebook group was not included.  I kind of wish it included a secret handshake too, but I guess I'll just have to be disappointed.

Anyway, a suggestion was made for the group members to write a little bio so everyone can find each other on their blogs, or twitter, or whatever.  I added mine, satisfied that it was sufficient.

Then I went back and read some of the others.

I'm pretty sure everyone is better than me.

Seriously.

I am pretty much the only regular person on there.

Everyone else is super-awesome in some way.  There are pastors, authors, speakers, non-profit directors, bloggers, and  highly educated people on this list.  Everyone seems to have some sort of awesome career and still finds time to care for their biological twins, their adopted son and their foster daughter.  All of this while squeezing in their hobbies of training for a half-marathon, pottery glazing, writing an opera in Italian, and making gourmet, organic cupcakes.

And I am totally not exaggerating.  Well, maybe about the cupcakes.

These bios sound like a cross between a resume and an online dating profile. Although I'm pretty sure I didn't see any that said they enjoyed long walks on the beach.

So I've decided that I was selected for one of the following reasons:

1.  The assistant at Thomas Nelson publishers needed one more person and did eeny, meeny, miney, mo because they were so tired of reading all of the entries.

2.  They were trying to get a good cross-section of people and I represent the uneducated masses who sing along to Lady Gaga in the car and think Taco Bell is pretty good Mexican food.

3.  They actually did read my entry and thought they should include one regular person in the launch group.  I mean, aren't regular people the kind of people God likes to use?

I don't know why I was selected, but I sure do feel small in this company of people.

I'm hoping I don't get asked to leave.

That's probably why they don't have a secret handshake because once you learn it, you're in.  By NOT having a secret handshake, they could potentially weed out those they didn't want without fear of them sneaking back in because they know the secret handshake.

A Year of Biblical Womanhood

So, I know I've mentioned Rachel Held Evans and her blog here before.

She wrote a book called Evolving In Monkeytown, which I own on my Nook.

She also wrote a book called A Year of Biblical Womanhood, which officially releases on October 30th.

Rachel's blog - like how I feel like we are on a first name only basis? -  gave readers the opportunity to apply to be a part of the "launch team" for Thomas Nelson, the publisher.  I applied, thinking I would never, ever, be chosen.

Guess what?

I was.

Can I tell you how excited I am?

I mean, this is like a national book launch for a real writer and a real book.

So, I'm thinking that you should get a copy too.  You can order now from Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

That way, when I'm talking about it you will have some idea of what I am talking about.

Actually, that's not why you should get a copy.  Understanding what I am talking about has nothing to do with it.  You should get a copy because I think it's going to be a book that will be a great conversation starter.  I mean, the full title of the book is A Year of Biblical Womanhood:  How a Liberated Woman Found Herself Sitting On a Roof, Covering Her Head, and Calling Her Husband "Master".

You had me at sitting on a roof.  Because even though I would consider myself a church-y kind of gal, I've never heard that one before.  I'm ready to think more deeply about this topic of biblical womanhood.  Is biblicalness (that's a made up word) really what Christian women should be striving for?  I guess it depends on how you define "biblical".  I think this book will be an outside of the box way of looking at biblical womanhood.  I like outside the box.  I'm pretty sure God is outside of the box and that's where I want to be too.

PS - The official launch team is going to have a "cool secret facebook group".  If I'm being 100% honest, that was really why I applied to be a part of this group.  "Cool" and "Secret" are generally not words that I associate with myself.  Unless I'm referring to deodorant.

PPS - If you are from Thomas Nelson and you just read that last paragraph, I was kidding.  I think this book is going to be awesomesauce!  If you ARE Thomas Nelson, why are you here?  Are you even real?  If you are, you probably have an assistant to read stuff like this and then ignore it for you.

Crusty Ketchup, Vol. 2

We all know I'm not organized enough to have any type of weekly wrap-up or monthly highlights or anything like that.

So this is what I like to call Crusty Ketchup.

Today happens to be the second installment of Crusty Ketchup.  You can read the first one here.

If you were too lazy to click on the first one, basically Crusty Ketchup is just stuff I think is interesting or funny that I just pile into one post.  It's likely that most of the stuff is already old because that's just how I roll.   However, maybe you might find a nugget of awesomeness to dip into the Crusty Ketchup.  

1.  Did you know that "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" and the "ABC's" are the same tune?  This was pointed out the other day by my brother-in-law, Sonofadutch.  All of our minds were blown.  As he put it, "I've had to reassess everything up to this point in my life!"    I agree.  I was completely blindsided by this information.  How have I lived on this earth for 36 years and never knew this?   

2.  Justin Bieber puked onstage.  Twice.  So gross.  But funny.  Also funny is the Anime version.  Only funny if you think barf is funny.  I happen to draw the line at barf.  Poop is funny.  Barf is gross.  I'm classy like that.  Decide for yourself what is right for you.

3.  Lady Gaga also puked onstage.  Not twice.  Three times. Like I said in #2, I happen to draw the line at barf.  (But I am laughing because I said "#2", which is a poop reference. Therefore, I find it funny.  I apologize to those of you who have no sense of humor.)

4.  Completely changing gears.....I read this post on a blog called America's Next Top Mommy.  I have lately been thinking about that too.  How do you not spoil your child?  How do you teach your child to be grateful?

5.  I like this post on Rachel Held Evans.  I think I've said this before, but I'll say it again:  I don't always agree with everything on her blog, but I do like her writing and she always gives me something to think about.

Hope you found something in this volume of Crusty Ketchup worth dipping your fry into.  If you didn't, you're probably a health food nut who never eats fries.  And also doesn't laugh at poop references.  It's ok.  I still like you.  Unless you are someone I don't like.  But so far, there's only been maybe one person who has told me they read my blog that I don't like.  Hopefully it's not you.  But I know one person who will be paranoid that it's them.  If you are the paranoid person:  it's not you.  

5 Things You Didn't Know About Me

So I was perusing the Rachel Held Evans blog and found this blog: Bohemian Bowmans.

Bohemian Bowmans is doing a link up with "Five Things You Didn't Know About Me".  I thought I'd link up too.  If you like, you can follow me on facebook, Twitter and/or Pinterest.  Click on the sidebar for Twitter and Pinterest, because I made those button-things and by golly, I want you to use them.  I recommend following all 3 because I may have a stroke of genius you won't want to miss.  However, that stroke of genius may not be posted on all of them because I'm scatterbrained like that.  So follow all of them, just in case.

Anyway, where to begin?  My follower followers are mostly people that I actually know in real life.  I guess someday I will know I've made it in the blogging world when I have lots of strangers who follow me.

Hopefully they will only follow my blog online and not follow me in the parking lot of Wal-Mart in a white van with a sliding door.

On my "about" tab, I list 10 things about me.  I'm pretty sure only 2 people have ever actually looked at that tab, so I think I'm safe to repeat myself here.  Also, I'm sure Bohemian Bowman does not know me, so this is all news to her.

5 Things You Didn't Know About Me (in no particular order)

1.  My home was hit by a tornado.
That's right.  A tornado.  Actually, it was my parent's home, but I lived there.  AND it was 10 days before my wedding.  Nobody was home, thank goodness.  But there's no other feeling like pulling into your driveway and seeing that half of your house is gone.  And no, I do not live in Kansas.  I hope I did not just narrow it down to 49 states for any potential "followers" of the white van variety.

2.  I have hyperhidrosis. (Palmar and Plantar)
It's really just sweaty hands and feet, but it makes me feel better to say palmar hyperhidrosis.  I've discussed my treatment options here on the blog if you are interested.  One of my options involves a battery, a pie pan and an electric shock.  For real, people.

3.  I dislike animals, especially dogs.
I figure this is where I will lose many of you dog-lovers.  I'm ok with that.  But before you leave KWTF and never return, hear me out first.

4.  I've never owned a new car.
In fact, my car features a cassette player and doors that freeze shut and open randomly during winter.  Actually, I now have another car, a 2002 Camry, which we now refer to as the "new car".  That's the kind of family we are.  Our "new" car is 10 years old.  Feeling better about yourself yet?  I'm so glad.

5.  I have seen 2 out of 4 Beatles in concert.
I'm not a concert person.  But I have seen Paul McCartney and Ringo in concert. Not together.  John died when I was a kid and George is also dead, so I won't be completing that list.  I'm okay with that.  I never really liked John that much and although George is my second favorite Beatle, I am content knowing that I didn't have to sit through a concert featuring a sitar.

Check out the other link ups over at Bohemian Bowmans.

Oh, and don't forget to follow me.  Because even if one out of the  four  many visitors would do that, it would totally make my day.  It's the little things in life, people.  Help a sweaty-handed, old-car driving, middle-aged wife/mother out and just click it.  You can unfollow later if I get on your nerves, ok?  Deal.  Now go over there and click on those follow me buttons.  Thanks.

zippers are the devil

This past weekend, my sister, Pee (yes-that-is-her-real-nickname), and I took my mom on a mother/daughter/granddaughter weekend for her birthday.

We went to Lancaster, PA, which is far enough away to feel like a getaway but close enough that it's not an unbearable trip for a toddler, a second grader, a fifty-something grandma and 2 thirty-something sisters, one of which has to pee every 5 seconds.  I'll let you guess which sister that is.  Hint #1: Her nickname rhymes with "wee".  Hint #2:  It's not me.

As you may know, Lancaster, PA, is home to the Amish.  

BTW, have you seen the TLC show, "Breaking Amish"?  It's kind of like MTV's Real World, only with Amish kids.  It may or may not come on after "Here comes Honey Boo-Boo", which I may or may not have watched more than one episode of.

BTW, did you know that I am so old that I remember the first season of Real World?  We didn't have MTV at my house, but somehow I remember being mildly obsessed with in back in the day.  

Anyway, back to the Amish.  This part of PA is beautiful.  I'd love to live there.  We saw horse & buggies, a man who was the doppelganger of the grandfather on the movie "Witness", women gardening in skirts, and lots of signs for homegrown pumpkins.  

One sign (handwritten on cardboard) said:

Custom Shelling

Peas/Beans/Limas

410-555-1234

Which begs the question:  What kind of person grows their own peas, beans or limas, yet feels the need to have someone else shell them?  Really?  You grow your own peas but you call in a custom sheller?  Maybe that's for the upper-class Amish.  The kind of Amish who can afford to pay to have somebody else sit and pop open those pods and fling the beans into a pan.  I can hear the gossips now.

"Yah.  Dat Zook voman gets her limas custom-shelled.  She rode by me on her buggy dis mornin' and didn't even look my vay.  Thinks shes' sometin', she does." (Not sure if this is how they talk, but this is how they talk in my head.)

I tried to get my sister to turn around so I could take a picture of the sign, but she refused and said she would just write it on cardboard when we got back to the hotel and I could take a picture of it.  #itsnotthesame 

And I'd just like to point out here, that if you have never shelled beans or peas or limas before, you are missing out in life.  It's actually kind of fun.  If you don't know what "shelling" is, get out of my blog.  Clearly, we are from different planets and speak different languages.  Not really.  I only have like 2 readers and I can't afford to be that picky.  But someday, when I am a blogging giant, I will weed out all of the people who don't know what "shelling" is. Maybe others, too.  But the non-shellers shall be the first to be shunned.  

Anyway, nevermind about that, back to more Amish stuff.  

We also saw tobacco drying in the giant barns.  It's quite beautiful.  

However, it begs the question:  Why can the Amish not have zippers but growing tobacco is okay?  

Zippers=devil......Tobacco=perfectly acceptable?    

Something is wrong here and I think that if I became Amish, I might have to mention that.  I would probably get shunned within 5 hours of being there.  Maybe less.  Hopefully I could make it long enough to at least try some homemade bread or schnitzel or something.

Hey, there's a show for TLC.  Nevermind "Breaking Amish".  It should be "Becoming Amish" and it could follow regular people who want to become Amish.  I'm pretty sure there would be more crying involved.  And probably more tobacco.  

You heard it here first.  

TLC, I want my cut.  

Because I'm sure that someone from TLC might read this.  

Hey, they found Honey Boo Boo, right?

Ketchup with the Frys is just slightly more refined than Honey Boo Boo.  Slightly.  I think I might have more fart references.  But less double chins.  Slightly.