unenergetic party hosts need not apply

So this past weekend we visited my sister, Pee (yes, that is her real nickname), her husband, SonofaDutch, and their delightful daughter, PPPnut (yes, that is also her real nickname, sometimes shortened to just Pnut).

Anyway, it was Pnut's 3rd birthday so my sister planned a party for 22 of Pnut's closest friends.
This kid has a busier social life at 3 than I've ever had my entire life.

So she booked a local place where Pnut takes soccer lessons.
In case you're wondering, 3 year old soccer teacher is about #942 on my list of jobs I never want.

The indoor soccer place offers a turn-key party, much like Monkey Joe's or Pump It Up, where you have the party there so you don't have to clean up afterward, etc.

My sister purchased the highest level package, which was to include a one hour/age appropriate soccer class, 50 minutes in a "spacious party room", one "energetic party host" for the first hour of the party, all party supplies, 3 large pizzas, and bottomless pitchers.  She also added bounce houses for an extra fee.
They always get you with the bounce houses.  Who can say no to that?

So my niece and her 22 little friends arrive.  And they wait in the spacious party room for their energetic party host to get there and begin the fun.  The party was supposed to start at 10:00 am.  Most people arrive at least a few minutes early.  At 10:10, my sister went hunting for the party host.
10-17 minutes inside a spacious party room with 22 toddlers?  Unless your definition of spacious is the size of 7 football fields, there is not enough room.  Also?  They can see the bounce houses.  And, being 3, know that the fastest way to get out of the spacious party room and go jump is to scream repeatedly and as ear-piercingly as possible.  

So finally the "energetic party host" arrives.  My sister described her as a 12 year old who let a soccer ball fall from her hands onto the field and whispered, "Okay kids, go get the ball and try to kick it into the goal," accompanied by a weak shooing motion with her hands.
Also?  One ball for 22 toddlers?  This is not a sharing class, nor does anyone have any expectation that any form of real soccer game is about to occur.  3 year olds are like tiny tyrants who all need their own ball and possibly another one to hold in case someone steals the first one.  Those people should have had at least 44 soccer balls there, plus a few extra in case someone poops on one.  Because someone WILL poop.  I'm not sure of the exact mathematical calculation, but 22 toddlers times 22 sippy cups divided by 1 milk allergy multiplied by the law of going potty right before the party starts plus forgetting your extra outfit equals at least one poop blowout. 

All in all, the party worked out.  After all, 3 year olds have the memory of a fruit fly. Once they got in the bounce houses, I'm sure they all forgot about how much the first part sucked.  My guess is, they probably didn't even notice.  I mean, kids who are entertained by colanders and wooden spoons aren't too picky, right?  They don't even know what "energetic party host" means.  And I don't think they care.  Because they're 3.  Happy Birthday, PPPnut.  You're awesome!

PPPnut & Superfrykid at the Pumpkin Patch

This photo we like to call Weekend at Bernie's-Toddler Edition,
because it looks like Pee is totally holding up Pnut a la Weekend at Bernie's.
Maybe we are the only ones who cracked up at this, but I almost peed my pants
during the wagon ride when I looked at the picture.

feelin crafty

Warning:  This post contains mom-boasting.  Look away if you can't take it.  Or, read it and decide you are way more awesome and come away feeling great because your regular efforts blow away my self-proclaimed awesome ones.  I think if I competed in a Mompetition, I would get a green participation ribbon. And I'd be ticked because I would feel like I should have at least gotten a white third place ribbon.  But whatever.

We skipped church this morning.

I made pancakes, threw in a load of laundry, and read the book of James while I drank my coffee.

Doesn't that make me sound awesome?

Wait.....there's more.  I got my craft on today too.  Twice.

Not only am I renegade enough to skip church, domestic enough to do laundry, hip enough to drink coffee, and spiritual enough to read the Bible, I am crafty.

Be jealous, people.  Here's what's up:

Craft #1:  Spirit shirt for Superfrykid's school.
Superfrykid is supposed to wear a school shirt tomorrow.  We do not have one, so she wanted to make one.   I took a $3 red t-shirt from Michael's and used a Sharpie marker to write the name of her school on it. Even though it looks totally homemade and like a kid did it, I think it's pretty cute. Point for me.

I messed up on the "W" and made it an "H", but I don't think you can tell.
Except I just told you, so now you can't stop seeing it.

Craft #2:  Christmas Gift for Superfrykid's Whole Class
I like to try and send in a small Christmas ornament for each kid in Superfrykid's class.  The past couple years, I've been able to find large colored jingle bells pretty cheap.  This year, I found these tiny red Christmas bulbs at Dollar General.  15 OF THEM FOR ONLY $1, PEOPLE!  That's cheap, right?  So I got 2 containers of them and tried to think of a clever little poem to tie on with ribbon.  The school color is red (Remember the red spirit shirt above?  How could you forget it? It was totally awesome.)  So the school color is red, so I figured little red ornaments would be perfect.  Point for me for getting this done BEFORE December 24th and 2 points for me for being thrifty.  Negative 10 points for me for such a corny poem, but who is really keeping score? Here's how they turned out:

$1 for 15 ornaments.  That's a deal.

When you see this little red ornament,
Hope it reminds you of the time we spent
Together in our third grade year,
Memories made, and holiday cheer.
From:  Superfrykid
Mrs. Mriscin's class 2013-2014
Tomahawk Intermediate School

So basically, I made 24 gifts for $2.  That's less than 9 cents per gift.
Beat that, you crazy coupon ladies!

BONUS CRAFT:  I didn't make this today, but I did make it last week, and it's pretty crafty for me.

Metal Star Candle Holder:  $2.99 from Christmas Tree Shop
Pinecone Greenery:  $1 from Dollar General
Candle:  $1 from WalMart

The only drawback is that you can't burn the candle because I'm pretty sure that greenery is probably highly flammable and maybe even toxic.  But you could always get one of those fake candles that are battery operated.  But for $4.99, I won't burn the candle and everyone is happy (and not on fire.)

I should put this away until after Thanksgiving, but I'm too lazy for that.  I could try and get a piece of fall-ish greenery and add to it for now, but then I would have to unwind all of that wire and put the Christmas greenery somewhere I wouldn't forget about.  That's just entirely too much effort.  Christmas in September is where it's at.

Unplug the teapot

My sister and I have this inside joke called "unplug the teapot".

Basically, it means to have someone do something stupid for you that you could easily do yourself.  It began once when my sister was at my house for Christmas or something. I was in the kitchen and she asked if she could help.  I told her to unplug the iced tea maker.  This struck her as comical.  So now, if either of us asks the other to do something, we reply with "would you like me to unplug the teapot as well?"

Today my grandmother, aka "the Don", called me as soon as I got home from work.  She was very flustered and asked me if I could come over and help her.  She said she was trying to make an "impossible pumpkin pie" and the filling must be mixed in a blender.  She apparently does not own a blender, so she borrowed her daughter's blender and was having trouble getting it to work.

Side note:  The Don says when she asked to borrow the blender, my aunt asked what she was going to put in it.  The Don said she should have said "rocks" but that didn't occur to her until later.  Life lesson:  The Don does not like to be questioned.  If she asks for a blender, don't ask what she is putting in it.  

She said she couldn't figure out how to put the blender on the base and had tried all morning to get it to work.  She even called my aunt to see what to do and they were unable to figure it out over the phone.  She thought she was not getting the blender onto the base correctly.

So I drove over to see if I could help.  Immediately.  The Don waits for no one.  Unless you are Superfrydad, who promised to put in a new kitchen sink for her by last Easter.  It's still not done and the Don still seems to think Superfrydad poops gold or something.

Anyway, back to the blender.  I placed the blender jar onto the base, turned it on and hit start.  It worked fine.  The Don said, "Well she told me to hit start, she didn't tell me I had to turn it on first."

Really?

So now, instead of telling my sister to "unplug the teapot", I think I might have to add "turn on my blender".

To my grandmother's credit, the power button did not say "power".  It was just the little picture with a line with a curve under it.  She was afraid to touch any of the other buttons.  Pesky newfangled digital technology!

19 years and counting

Yesterday was our anniversary.

We have been married for 19 years.

We've talked before about how marriage is like a burrito.

This year, our anniversary was kind of funny.  Funny as in ha ha funny AND funny as in strange funny.

First of all, Superfrydad came home last Wednesday after about a 14 hour day of working outside in the heat.  Superfrykid was already asleep and I was in bed watching TV.  Superfrydad plops down beside me and throws this piece of folded paper onto my chest.

It reads:  Thanks for 19 years of marriage.  I will always luv you.  This is good for a Sweet Water meal. Your hubby

I read the note and look at him.  He says, "You forgot, didn't you?"  I smiled and said, "Today is not our anniversary.  It's next week."  Then we both laugh hysterically.

After 19 years, it's come to this.  A piece of spiral notebook paper that is NOT EVEN RIPPED OFF EVENLY with a handwritten note ON THE WRONG DAY.

Yep, that pretty much sums up our life.

So yesterday was our actual anniversary.  I got a beautiful vase of roses at work.  On the right day.  I haven't ever had the heart to tell him that I don't really like roses all that much.  After the notebook paper "card" on the wrong day, I think I'll take it.

We also received an anniversary card in the mail from my grandmother aka "the Don", who is 81. Mind you, I am only putting this on my blog because she does not have a computer and I trust that any family member or friend who may read this will not tell her unless they want to cross her.  I wouldn't recommend it.

The Don prides herself on her greeting cards.  She always sends a funny one or a very nice one and you can be sure they are handpicked with care from the local Hallmark store.  No Dollar General fifty cent cards from this woman.  You will get the $5.99 card from Hallmark for your special day.

As you may notice, the front of the card features a picture of a man and a woman.  If you are a TV fan, you may notice that it's not just any man and woman, but a couple from the TV show "Modern Family".  I'm pretty sure my old school, traditional values grandmother doesn't know what "Modern Family" is.

Nor did she notice the gay couple with a baby at the end of the row.  Notice that it's one of those fancy pop up cards?   I told you she buys the good cards.

While I am in no way offended by this card, I think it's hilarious that it's the one she chose.  I'm sure she would be mortified.  Actually, she would probably get a kick out of it.  But don't tell her, ok?  Maybe one day I will bring it up.  I just have to wait for the right moment.  After I blog about it.

Anyway, Happy Anniversary Superfrydad.  I couldn't ask for a better husband.  Well, I guess I could ask for one who would remember our anniversary on the right date.....but I'd rather have you.

Just for kicks,  here's a picture of us on our wedding day:

Bad picture, my phone is dying and the flash won't work.  But you get the idea.  Big puffy sleeves, worst bridesmaid dresses ever, little hotdogs at the reception, the whole bad wedding bit.  We may have had horrible taste in weddings, but at least we picked the right person.  And that's what really matters.  

Crusty Ketchup

So from time to time, I post what I like to call "Crusty Ketchup".  It's stuff that you probably have already seen around the internet here or there, but maybe you are like me and are always behind the times.

Firework - great impressions of great singers all in one song.  Good and funny.  Unless you have no taste.  In which case, I have no idea why you are here.  Clearly, everyone reading this will find this lady's voice to be great and the premise to be funny.

Inspiring story - worth watching - found via Stanley Clan.  If you like to cry or if you like to smile, this story is for you.


This is HI-larious....it's like 20 seconds, so not a big time commitment.  But will make you laugh out loud and probably even snort.

That's it for today's edition of Crusty Ketchup.

Woodrow the dog

Last year, I posted this about our dog Woodrow and his annual haircut.

This year, there is no annual shaving of the beast picture.

Because today, our dog Woodrow died.

Most of you know that I am not an animal lover.  However, today I did shed a little tear or two (or twenty....who's counting?)

This is Woodrow as a puppy (December 2000)

Here's what else:  I am guessing that I will get more likes and comments on this post because it's about a dog.  I hate that.  So if you want to irritate me, leave a comment.

Day Tripper: Washington, DC

One of the things on our summer to do list this year was to visit Washington, DC.

Summer Fun List idea copied from Perfectomom.  Who doesn't know that's my secret nickname for her, but might figure it out if she reads this.  They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  I say that mediocre imitation is more sincere.

Yesterday, we took a day trip with some friends and I thought I'd share some tips that you might find helpful if you decide to take a day trip to DC.  PS - Don't ask me why I suddenly seem to be trying to turn KWTF into a travel blog.  First, 6 posts about Disney World.  Now, onto Washington, DC.  Last year, I had a lot of cooking posts.  I hate to cook and I'm not a travel guru by any means.  However, telling people what to do even when I don't really know what I'm talking about is my forte.  

Me, 2 friends, and our 5 children took the local commuter train, which left at 6:25 AM.  Tip for locals:  You need 12 quarters for the parking meter at the station. Our little town's train station was surprisingly semi-lively so early in the morning.  We even had a local drunk approach us to ask for money.  Thankfully, we had already witnessed him ask someone else, so we were prepared.  It was interesting how the 3 of us responded to him.  He came up & asked us how we were doing and friend #1 said, "Good...." then he started in on his story.  Friend #2 interrupted him and said, "Yeah, we gotta be going." and gathered up the kids.  I just followed and pretended to herd the children, who thankfully did not ask any questions.

We took the train to Union Station, where we caught the Metro.  I have never been a fan of the Metro. Does one say "fan of the Metro" or "fan of Metro"?  I don't know, but I like calling it THE Metro, so if I'm wrong, just carry on as if I'm right.  Which mostly I am, but if I am not, it will work out for both of us better if you just pretend not to notice.

Here's a short list of my Metro fears:
1.  Metro crash:  need I say more?
2.  Metro breakdown:  in the middle of a tunnel?  on top of a bridge?  No thanks.
3.  People:  Metro is like a mixing bowl of business people and people of WalMart.  Throw in three women with five kids who obviously don't know what they are doing and things could get dicey.
4.  Germs:  One online review that I read praised Metro for it's efficiency and cleanliness.  Most of the stations smelled, as one of our kids said, "like someone pooped in front of a fan".  I would recommend using hand sanitizer.  Often.
5.  Rival gangs:  I did not see any gang members, but I always think of subways and trains being a place for rival gangs to rumble.  Maybe I watch too many movies.  Why would they pay $1.80 to fight on the Metro? Gang members have to watch their pennies too, so I guess they just go to a back alley somewhere, where there's no charge to slash each other.

I am happy to report that there were no crashes, breakdowns, crazy people, rival gangs, or diseases contracted during our visit.  My actual Metro tip would be to figure up your fare and only put that amount on your fare card.  You must have your fare card to exit the Metro and you can add more money if you need to before you exit.  We overestimated by $4 a person and therefore gave Metro 32 extra dollars, which we could have used to buy one chicken tender at the Natural History Museum, but we'll talk about that later.

The first thing we saw was the Washington Monument, which, in my mind, I still call "the pencil".

You can't really see the flags around the monument in this pic, but they are my favorite part.

Then we moved on to the World War II Memorial.

We tried to make a "W" and a "V".  Mountaineers are always free! 

Here we are trying to pose so we have the least amount of double chins. And  yes, we are sucking in our stomachs.

Kids in front of the fountain/pool at the WWII Memorial. 

Next we trekked over to the Lincoln Memorial, which was my favorite one of the day.  It's bigger than it looks in pictures and it's really beautiful.

The Lincoln Memorial is a place of quiet respect.
Our kids respectfully giggled quietly at the nudity in the mural  on the wall.  

On the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, facing the reflecting pool.  I, too, have a dream.  A dream that someday my child will smile nicely when I take her picture and appreciate the place in which she is standing.  

Next stop:  The White House.  This is as close as you can get.  My idea for them to make the visit a better experience would be to sell White House shaped ice cream bars.  I mean, Sea World sells Shamu bars and Disney World sells Mickey bars.  Get with the times, White House!  A little cart with ice cream wouldn't kill you.

Future president here?  Let's hope not.

Spent the rest of the afternoon at the Museum of Natural History.  First stop was the food court.  I spent $22 on 2 baskets of chicken tenders/fries and 1 drink.  Be prepared to spend a lot of money on not a lot of food that is mediocre quality.  The Museum of Natural History has a a lot of dinosaur stuff, the Hope Diamond, mummies, and lots of other stuff.  If I'm totally honest, it was not my cup of tea.  The most exciting thing I saw was the mummy, which I'm not even sure was real.  There is a butterfly pavilion, which you must buy a ticket for.  There are also IMAX movies, which you must buy a ticket for.  We chose not to do that since collectively we spent close to $100 on a crappy lunch.

Giant shark jaws.

Did you know this elephant's name is Henry?

I have no words for this picture.

We headed back to Union Station, where we caught our train back home.  The conductor announced that the last stop was 3 stops away from our stop and that bus service would be provided for passengers.  We had not anticipated this, but figured if they were providing bus service, then bus service we would take for the last leg of our journey.  Little did we know that the bus service awaiting us was Pan Tran, our county's local form of bus service.  Aka little tiny bus.  We noticed some passengers getting up before the train arrived at the last stop and lining up at the door.  Little did we know that they were the smart ones who knew to run to the Pan Tran and get a seat because the 30 minute ride feels like eternity when standing with your butt in someone's face.  Or holding a 90 pound 8 year old child on one leg.  A leg that is numb for a good hour after and twitches some the next day.

Here are some real tips for visiting Washington, DC:
1.  Wear comfortable shoes.  You will walk more than you realize.
2.  Prepare for the heat.  The mall has little shade and the water fountains aren't plentiful, nor are they satisfying.  The water pressure is very low and the taste is not great.  Take water or be prepared to pay $2.50 for bottled water.  Wear sunblock and cool clothing.
3.  Travel light.  Whatever you take with you, you will have to carry.  We opted to take phone pics instead of lugging around a big camera.  Due to the heat, I'm glad I did not have to carry my camera.  However, if I go when the weather is cooler, I will take my camera because there are many great photo ops.
4.  Plan your meals.  The cafes in the Smithsonian buildings are expensive and the food is mediocre.  I'm pretty sure the food at  Disney World was cheaper.  There are not any restaurants next to the Smithsonian buildings.  I'm sure there are great lunch digs somewhere, but don't think you're going to walk into a cute little place right there on the mall.  You are going to eat a hot dog out of a cart for $2.50 or you are going to pay $22 for chicken tenders and fries and a drink at the Smithsonian.
5.  Have a plan.  Plan out where you are going to go and how you are going to get there.  The monuments look like they are close together, and it's fairly easy to navigate around.  However, if the weather is hot and you have children, you will want to make sure you know where you are going so you don't have to backtrack or wander around.
6.  Don't drive.  Parking is limited, and traffic can be horrid.  The train and the metro worked great for us.


Have you ever taken a trip to our nation's capital?  What's your favorite thing?