Superfrydad likes Nascar. Yes, that's the man I married. No, I didn't care at the time, but it does annoy me now. But I'm not perfect either, so I won't go there. Anyway....
Tonight I happened to catch a glimpse of a few moments of the pre-race show for the Nationwide series. They have a prayer and then the National Anthem.
The prayer was quite possibly the worst prayer I've ever heard. (The funniest one was one time when I was at my friend's house as a kid & my friend said "Amen, hot dog." at the end of grace. It was not very funny to her parents. It was almost as bad as saying a cuss word. Shout out to Day By Day and Simply Us!)
The pastor was praying and saying things like, "thank you, Lord, for Sunoco gas", "thank you, Lord, for Good Year tires."....then he said, "thank you for my smokin' hot wife".
Say what?
What is this world coming to? I mean, it's nice that Nascar offers a prayer before the race, and often the pastors read them off of a piece of paper, which is ridiculous. This brings it to a new low. They should just not have it if they are going to make a mockery of it.
(stepping down from high horse now)
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
hotter than a fart in a mitten
It's really hot & humid outside.
Therefore, the air conditioner that cools my home decided it would stop working today.
Tomorrow and the next day are supposed to be 99 and 100 degrees, respectfully. (I'm too lazy to figure out how to make the little 0 thing for the degrees.)
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that I don't like hot weather. And I don't like summer.
But when my A/C stops working in the middle of a heat wave?
Summer, I hate you even more.
My feet have sweat dripping from them. That is not even an exaggeration. I know it sounds like it, but it is actually true.
I'm also trying to type fast because I'm afraid the sweat from my hands is going to short-circuit my laptop at any moment.
The only thing that I like about summer is that is gives me more opportunities to say "It's hotter than a fart in a mitten."
This is perhaps my favorite phrase of all time. It always makes me laugh.
Is it inappropriate? yes
Is it a bit crass? yes
Is it kind of rude? yes
Is it the worst thing I say? pretty much
Is that so terrible? maybe.......or maybe it's not. It really depends on your level of tolerance for potty humor.
I would like to say that I am much more sophisticated than this, but alas, I am not.
Therefore, the air conditioner that cools my home decided it would stop working today.
Tomorrow and the next day are supposed to be 99 and 100 degrees, respectfully. (I'm too lazy to figure out how to make the little 0 thing for the degrees.)
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that I don't like hot weather. And I don't like summer.
But when my A/C stops working in the middle of a heat wave?
Summer, I hate you even more.
My feet have sweat dripping from them. That is not even an exaggeration. I know it sounds like it, but it is actually true.
I'm also trying to type fast because I'm afraid the sweat from my hands is going to short-circuit my laptop at any moment.
The only thing that I like about summer is that is gives me more opportunities to say "It's hotter than a fart in a mitten."
This is perhaps my favorite phrase of all time. It always makes me laugh.
Is it inappropriate? yes
Is it a bit crass? yes
Is it kind of rude? yes
Is it the worst thing I say? pretty much
Is that so terrible? maybe.......or maybe it's not. It really depends on your level of tolerance for potty humor.
I would like to say that I am much more sophisticated than this, but alas, I am not.
Monday, July 18, 2011
common sense - is there an app for that?
Last night we watched a few minutes of a show that was called something like, "I Survived" or "I Shouldn't Be Alive" or "I almost died, but I didn't"...you know the ones.
This guy was saying he was in the lobby of his hotel in Haiti when the earthquake happened. His leg was badly injured & he said he was covered in rubble. It was super dark, so he crawled to the elevator and got out his cell phone. Then he said something like this:
"My phone didn't have any service, but I did remember I had a first aid app, so I looked up what to do for bleeding since my leg was bleeding really badly. It said to wrap it up and apply pressure, so I took my shirt off and used it to wrap up my leg."
Let me say 2 things here:
1. Why would you crawl to the elevator after an earthquake? I'm pretty sure it's common knowledge that you don't take the elevator in case of fire. Even though there are no signs in elevators instructing you to NOT use them in case of an earthquake, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't.
2. Did you really need your first aid app on your cell phone to tell you that if you are bleeding, you should wrap it and apply pressure?
I just don't see myself firing up my first aid app post any natural disaster.
Is there a common sense app?
Because this guy might find that handy at some point too.
This guy was saying he was in the lobby of his hotel in Haiti when the earthquake happened. His leg was badly injured & he said he was covered in rubble. It was super dark, so he crawled to the elevator and got out his cell phone. Then he said something like this:
"My phone didn't have any service, but I did remember I had a first aid app, so I looked up what to do for bleeding since my leg was bleeding really badly. It said to wrap it up and apply pressure, so I took my shirt off and used it to wrap up my leg."
Let me say 2 things here:
1. Why would you crawl to the elevator after an earthquake? I'm pretty sure it's common knowledge that you don't take the elevator in case of fire. Even though there are no signs in elevators instructing you to NOT use them in case of an earthquake, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't.
2. Did you really need your first aid app on your cell phone to tell you that if you are bleeding, you should wrap it and apply pressure?
I just don't see myself firing up my first aid app post any natural disaster.
Is there a common sense app?
Because this guy might find that handy at some point too.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
things I learned from working at a bank
I used to work at a bank. I started when I was in high school and worked there for about 5 years.
Once, my coworker and I were working the drive thru until closing. We were the only people in the entire bank.
The way it worked was, we had a little tiny vault down in the drive thru. Kind of like a vault for midgets. I mean, little people. (It was pretty small. I'm not sure if I could have fit inside of it, and I was skinny at the time.)
Anyway, when everyone else left, they put all of the money in the "big vault". Except they left a little money for us in the little vault in case we needed it. When closing time came, we were supposed to put all of our money in, set the timer, close the door and turn the handle. In that order.
By the way, let me just say here that I'm pretty sure we were both in high school or right out of high school at the time. What bank lets two 18 year olds have full access to an entire bank? I'm just sayin'.
We put all of our money in, set the timer, turned the handle, and closed the door. Not the right order.
Turns out, the "little vault" was also the stupid vault that locks itself open and you can't shut it so all of the money is there for the cleaning people to take vault.
Once the timer is set, it's done - no room for errors here. The bars on the door were sticking out and would not allow the door to close.
What did we do?
We pulled the blind down over the big window and cried.
We thought for sure we were going to get fired.
I can't remember how many people we called, but we finally got someone higher up within the bank than we were who came and rescued us.
He will remain unnamed and how he fixed it, I'll never know. But he saved us with a screwdriver and a little common sense, neither of which we had at the time.
After that, we always made sure we locked up the vault the right way. And we didn't get fired. I don't even think we got in trouble.
The moral of the story? Common sense and a screwdriver can fix many things, but doing something right the first time takes less time and less tears.
Once, my coworker and I were working the drive thru until closing. We were the only people in the entire bank.
The way it worked was, we had a little tiny vault down in the drive thru. Kind of like a vault for midgets. I mean, little people. (It was pretty small. I'm not sure if I could have fit inside of it, and I was skinny at the time.)
Anyway, when everyone else left, they put all of the money in the "big vault". Except they left a little money for us in the little vault in case we needed it. When closing time came, we were supposed to put all of our money in, set the timer, close the door and turn the handle. In that order.
By the way, let me just say here that I'm pretty sure we were both in high school or right out of high school at the time. What bank lets two 18 year olds have full access to an entire bank? I'm just sayin'.
We put all of our money in, set the timer, turned the handle, and closed the door. Not the right order.
Turns out, the "little vault" was also the stupid vault that locks itself open and you can't shut it so all of the money is there for the cleaning people to take vault.
Once the timer is set, it's done - no room for errors here. The bars on the door were sticking out and would not allow the door to close.
What did we do?
We pulled the blind down over the big window and cried.
We thought for sure we were going to get fired.
I can't remember how many people we called, but we finally got someone higher up within the bank than we were who came and rescued us.
He will remain unnamed and how he fixed it, I'll never know. But he saved us with a screwdriver and a little common sense, neither of which we had at the time.
After that, we always made sure we locked up the vault the right way. And we didn't get fired. I don't even think we got in trouble.
The moral of the story? Common sense and a screwdriver can fix many things, but doing something right the first time takes less time and less tears.
sauerkraut binge
Once upon a time, I joined Weight Watchers.
I did the points program and if I recall correctly, I think I could eat 21 points per day.
According to my calculations, that meant I could eat 21 of the 1 point Weight Watchers frozen chocolate bars and as much sauerkraut as I wanted. (Sauerkraut being 0 points)
Not sure how I did it, but I did lose enough weight to meet my goal and get a free keychain.
Then I promptly quit.
Then I promptly gained back all of the weight I lost plus more.
Why am I telling you this?
No reason, just had a hankering for sauerkraut and it made me think of WW.
I did the points program and if I recall correctly, I think I could eat 21 points per day.
According to my calculations, that meant I could eat 21 of the 1 point Weight Watchers frozen chocolate bars and as much sauerkraut as I wanted. (Sauerkraut being 0 points)
Not sure how I did it, but I did lose enough weight to meet my goal and get a free keychain.
Then I promptly quit.
Then I promptly gained back all of the weight I lost plus more.
Why am I telling you this?
No reason, just had a hankering for sauerkraut and it made me think of WW.
Friday, July 15, 2011
swimming lessons part deux - why I might homeschool
Today was "parent day" at swimming lessons.
Which means that the parents go inside the fence and stand on the side while a non-teenager with a clipboard watches each child do a few basic things like bobbing, front float, back float, etc. No real swimming here, but I guess they want to make you feel like you are getting your money's worth.
I mean, a non-teen with a clipboard should makes me feel like it's official and that I should be paying for it, right?
And remember Mr. Swimmers?
Mr. Swimmers apparently gives no regard to Mr. Clipboard's authority like the parents do, because he spent the whole time during the "test" squirting other "teachers" with a little green frog. (Though I must say, for a tiny little toy, it did squirt water a really long way, which must have been very satisfying.)
Well, maybe he didn't use the squirt toy the whole time. He did take a break to play a drum solo on his stomach. And since I was standing by the edge, I could hear that it was not only a drum solo, but a rap solo as well because he added some "pffts" to it.
Mr. Clipboard did not notice at all. Maybe the job description does not require the applicant to have an attention span of more than 30 seconds. After all, that's about the amount of time each child gets to "swim" and then they are banished back to the edge of the pool. Mr. Swimmers probably has an attention span of 40 seconds, so he actually may be a little overqualified.
After the 5 minutes of "skills" (and I use that term loosely), it was play time. They turned on the giant mushroom, opened the froggy slide and let the kids play for the rest of the 30 minutes.
Seriously? I could buy a family pass for the whole summer and teach my own child to swim for what I am paying to watch my child hold onto the edge of the pool whilst Mr. Swimmers works on his tan and his musical abilities. (I just used the word "whilst" again....this could be a yellow flag.)
Which leads me to this: maybe I should become a homeschooler.
Dedicated homeschoolers would not let the lack of a pool at home keep their child from learning. They would find the rich person in their co-op and see if they could come over everyday all summer so they can work on their swimming class (also counts for PE, right?)
Not sure how I am getting from swimming lessons to becoming a homeschooler, but that's just how my brain works.
We have 5 more lessons to go. And by golly, we paid for it, so we are going to go.
If she doesn't learn to swim, we'll just make it up next year while we homeschool. We can study for part of the day & then go swimming for the rest. It will be great.
Wait. I forgot. I can't really swim very well, so I'm probably not qualified to teach my kid to swim. It's on my original Scmucket List, that I don't swim in water over my head.
If Mr. Swimmers is more qualified than I am in any area pertaining to my child, does that mean I am a bad mom?
Don't answer that.
Which means that the parents go inside the fence and stand on the side while a non-teenager with a clipboard watches each child do a few basic things like bobbing, front float, back float, etc. No real swimming here, but I guess they want to make you feel like you are getting your money's worth.
I mean, a non-teen with a clipboard should makes me feel like it's official and that I should be paying for it, right?
And remember Mr. Swimmers?
Mr. Swimmers apparently gives no regard to Mr. Clipboard's authority like the parents do, because he spent the whole time during the "test" squirting other "teachers" with a little green frog. (Though I must say, for a tiny little toy, it did squirt water a really long way, which must have been very satisfying.)
Well, maybe he didn't use the squirt toy the whole time. He did take a break to play a drum solo on his stomach. And since I was standing by the edge, I could hear that it was not only a drum solo, but a rap solo as well because he added some "pffts" to it.
Mr. Clipboard did not notice at all. Maybe the job description does not require the applicant to have an attention span of more than 30 seconds. After all, that's about the amount of time each child gets to "swim" and then they are banished back to the edge of the pool. Mr. Swimmers probably has an attention span of 40 seconds, so he actually may be a little overqualified.
After the 5 minutes of "skills" (and I use that term loosely), it was play time. They turned on the giant mushroom, opened the froggy slide and let the kids play for the rest of the 30 minutes.
Seriously? I could buy a family pass for the whole summer and teach my own child to swim for what I am paying to watch my child hold onto the edge of the pool whilst Mr. Swimmers works on his tan and his musical abilities. (I just used the word "whilst" again....this could be a yellow flag.)
Which leads me to this: maybe I should become a homeschooler.
Dedicated homeschoolers would not let the lack of a pool at home keep their child from learning. They would find the rich person in their co-op and see if they could come over everyday all summer so they can work on their swimming class (also counts for PE, right?)
Not sure how I am getting from swimming lessons to becoming a homeschooler, but that's just how my brain works.
We have 5 more lessons to go. And by golly, we paid for it, so we are going to go.
If she doesn't learn to swim, we'll just make it up next year while we homeschool. We can study for part of the day & then go swimming for the rest. It will be great.
Wait. I forgot. I can't really swim very well, so I'm probably not qualified to teach my kid to swim. It's on my original Scmucket List, that I don't swim in water over my head.
If Mr. Swimmers is more qualified than I am in any area pertaining to my child, does that mean I am a bad mom?
Don't answer that.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
swimming lessons
Superfrykid (let me know if you have a better suggestion for pseudo-names because this frystuff is getting on my nerves).....anyway, my daughter is taking swimming lessons.
She is in the Level 1 class.
Last year, her class was still playing ring around the rosies and "we all blow bubbles!"....I was hoping that this year would be better, since the name of the course included the word "level", which seems to indicate that there is some "level" of swimming going on instead of dipping your bangs in the water and going down the froggy slide at the end of class.
I'm not sure what Level 1 includes.
Watching from the sidelines, it appears to include about 10 kids hanging onto the side of the pool while 4 teenagers talk and make motions in the air.
Some of the motions are swimming motions, like an arm moving through the water.
Call me crazy, but wouldn't it be more beneficial to the kids for them to actually MOVE their arms through the water instead of watching an overtanned, longhaired teenage boy raise his hand above his head over and over?
I watched one of the instructors today (let's call him Mr. Swimmers) for a good part of the class. As the kids are holding onto the side of the pool, he is scooping up water with one hand and throwing it up into the air in a vertical line while slapping horizontally with the other hand. When Mr. Swimmers is not doing his water slapping trick, he plays the drums on his stomach. Meanwhile, the kids watch him instead of watching the other 3 who are "teaching".
One of the other moms there said that Mr. Swimmers slapped and drummed the entire time during the class before this one too.
I have a feeling the water slapping and tummy drumming mean he is bored.
Here's a tip, Mr. Swimmers: You're getting paid to teach little kids how to swim. Maybe if you & your cohorts would actually do that, you wouldn't be bored and you wouldn't have to invent little games to amuse yourself.
I am hoping that level 2 will be better. And by better, I mean, maybe you learn to swim in level 2?
She is in the Level 1 class.
Last year, her class was still playing ring around the rosies and "we all blow bubbles!"....I was hoping that this year would be better, since the name of the course included the word "level", which seems to indicate that there is some "level" of swimming going on instead of dipping your bangs in the water and going down the froggy slide at the end of class.
I'm not sure what Level 1 includes.
Watching from the sidelines, it appears to include about 10 kids hanging onto the side of the pool while 4 teenagers talk and make motions in the air.
Some of the motions are swimming motions, like an arm moving through the water.
Call me crazy, but wouldn't it be more beneficial to the kids for them to actually MOVE their arms through the water instead of watching an overtanned, longhaired teenage boy raise his hand above his head over and over?
I watched one of the instructors today (let's call him Mr. Swimmers) for a good part of the class. As the kids are holding onto the side of the pool, he is scooping up water with one hand and throwing it up into the air in a vertical line while slapping horizontally with the other hand. When Mr. Swimmers is not doing his water slapping trick, he plays the drums on his stomach. Meanwhile, the kids watch him instead of watching the other 3 who are "teaching".
One of the other moms there said that Mr. Swimmers slapped and drummed the entire time during the class before this one too.
I have a feeling the water slapping and tummy drumming mean he is bored.
Here's a tip, Mr. Swimmers: You're getting paid to teach little kids how to swim. Maybe if you & your cohorts would actually do that, you wouldn't be bored and you wouldn't have to invent little games to amuse yourself.
I am hoping that level 2 will be better. And by better, I mean, maybe you learn to swim in level 2?
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