reggurler coke

When you go out to eat, the first thing the waitress says is "Hi my name is Ashley, I'll be your server today, what can I get you to drink?"

For most people, this question does not pose a problem.  However, my husband is what I like to call restaurant ordering communi-impaired. 

He looks inside the menu to see what they serve.  Mind you, he always orders the same thing, Coke.  And almost every restaurant serves Coke.  If they don't serve Coke, they will always say "Is Pepsi ok?" and he will say yes.

So what's the point of looking like the waitress just asked you what the square root of 666 is and flip flapping the menu around like the answer is inside?

Here's what happens:  I will order Diet Coke, order Sprite for the kid, and then when it's his turn, he will flip flap the menu around and then say "Regular Coke."  But instead of saying "regular" he says "reggurler".

9 times out of 10 the server has him repeat himself because #1 he talks too low and #2 who says "regular Coke"?  You just say "Coke".  Plus he just said a word that doesn't exist. (reggurler) He feels he needs to qualify "Coke" so they don't bring him a Diet Coke.

They will know you don't want Diet Coke because you didn't say Diet before you said Coke. 

But if you say "regular Coke", they get confused.  Plus the fact that he says "reggurler" instead of "regular" only adds to the confusion. 

I'm telling you, the reggurler Coke thing drives me nuts.  If you don't believe me that it happens every time, let's go out to eat together and see.  If he says it, you pay.  If he doesn't, I will.  I could probably eat out every weekend for a year on this.






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profiling

There are several types of people on facebook.

People who have pictures of just themselves as their profile pic.

People who have a picture of their kid as their profile pic.

People who have a picture of their whole family as their profile pic.

People who have a picture of a cartoon or something like that as their profile pic.

I mostly fall into the category of the "whole family" pic. 

Here's why:
I do not have any pictures of just me.  I just cannot bring myself to stand in front of my bathroom mirror and pose for a picture.  I don't have the ability to stretch my arm out and take a picture of my face. (not without having 4 more than my normal triple chin.)

In my brain, if I post a profile pic of just myself, it's like hey, look at me, this is an awesome picture of myself.  It's better to have a family pic.  For one, it makes me look smaller, which is really not true, but that's what I think.  Also, it makes me think that people will not look at me because they are looking at my hubby and cute little daughter.

But I must admit that I admire those who have the single person photo of themselves.  They are generally the beautiful people of the world.  I'm pretty sure most of the notasbeautiful people have profiles pics of their kids, the whole family, or a cartoon.  Myself included.

This may or may not be true, but it's a theory that could be looked into if you were so inclined. 

I'm not so inclined.  I'd rather just think I am right with no basis whatsoever.

wedding bells

I am officially old.

My daughter, age 6, is going to be a flower girl today in our niece's wedding.  My niece was in our wedding almost 17 years ago and she was the same age. 

How did she get from being the little girl in our wedding to the beautiful bride she is today?

I need to find a way to go back in time so I can tell myself that I need to not blink.

Congratulations, Michelle & Rousawn. 

If you wish to send condolences to me for being so old, you may do so.

I hope that while they get hitched, everything will go off without a hitch. 

Most of all, I hope my daughter doesn't pick her nose during the ceremony.  (Just kidding, she would never do that.  I hope.)

the stand up coffin

I have an unwritten policy that I will never crawl inside a tanning bed.  Too much like a coffin and for some reason, I feel like it's just gross. Also, I'm paranoid about getting skin cancer.  Not really, but it sounds less weird than saying the coffin thing.

I guess you could say I am a tanning virgin.

I have, however, had a couple of spray tans.  I got one recently and while I was standing there in my underwear (don't try to think about it, it's not a pretty picture)....anyway, while I was standing there, the lady starts telling me about the windtunnelbr549tunneloftan or something like that.  She was using a lot of words that I didn't quite understand but I did catch one part about it blowing 22 mph winds at you.

She was talking about a stand up tanning booth.  Why she did not use those words, I'll never know, but I thought she was talking about some kind of automated spray tanning machine.

I thought she was telling me all this to say...you should get in the automated tanning machine so that nobody has to look at the carb buffet of muffin tops and backfat rolls while they spray tan you.

And for $12, I could add the turbowindtunneltanspectacular to my services for the day.  She said it would make my spray tan stick longer and the wind would dry me. 

Being a sweaty girl, I thought extra wind blowing on me would be a good thing, so I agreed.

I still didn't realize it was a tanning booth until I got inside. 

The heat of the bulbs, the stand up coffin sized space, and the force of the wind were almost enough to make me panic.  Then I realized what it was and I was like, O crap, I'm in a stand up tanning bed!

Which makes me wonder, how stupid can I be?  Did I really think they were going to blow spray tan on me at 22 mph?  I thought that's why I had the goggles! Which, by the way, are no fun to try and put directly on your eyeballs with 22 mph winds blowing on you.  Yes, the lady told me to put them on before I got in.

Obviously, I'm not a direction follower as I spent the next 3 minutes inside the coffintanningtube worrying that the bulbs had melted my contacts into my eyeballs before I got the goggles on.

killer marbles

Family Game Night.  Sounds appealing.  Even quaint.

Board games with our family involve some rules.  I don't mean the rules that come with the game.  We follow those (mostly.)  What I mean is that there are sometimes little things in a game that may or may not be "legal." 

For instance, many people have a "kitty" in Monopoly where you pay Luxury Tax, etc.  Then if you land on Free Parking, you get the money in the kitty.  To my knowledge, this little rule is not part of the official rules that come with the game.  But pretty much everybody I know plays that way.  (If you don't play that way then you must live under a rock.)

Anyway, the Fry family plays this game that's kind of like Sorry only you use a regular deck of cards and marbles that move around a board.  We sometimes refer to it as Killer Marbles.  It's a homemade game, so there are no printed rules.  However, everybody knows how to play Sorry, and it's basically the same thing.  Somehow, we seem to turn it into something else altogether.

Inevitably, there comes a point in the game where there is a "gray area."  Someone will question a player's move.  Usually the questioner just got "killed" by the other player.  The "killer" will then defend their play.  The questioner will then recount the move.  The killer will proclaim his innocence.  Then everyone else at the table will voice their opinions.  At the same time.  Loudly. 

Generally, the loudest person wins the argument and the game moves on.  You'd think we'd have the rules down by now, but they change every game so it's hard to follow sometimes.

Because of the rule thing, almost everyone cheats.  Or everyone thinks that everyone else cheats. You never really know for sure.

Here are the kinds of players we have in our family:

1.  The blatant cheater.  This person will just take their marble and move it home when it's not even their turn.  Sometimes they get caught & sometimes they don't.

2.  The tapping cheater.  This person "taps out" their move.  Like if they play a 5, they tap their marble 5 times on the board like they just moved 5 spaces but really they moved 4, and everyone knows that you can't move forward 4 because a 4 must go backwards.

3.  The sneaky cheater.  This person is usually the quiet one.  No one suspects them of cheating so they can play a 3 and move 2 and nobody will notice.

4.  The old man cheater.  Nobody wants to be disrespectful to their elders, so the old man cheater gets away with it because he knows nobody will call  him out on it.

5.  The winner cheater.  If you win, you cheated.  period.

schmucket list

I don't have a bucket list.

I have a schmucket list.

It's a list of things that most people can do, but I cannot. 

It's not really a list of things I want to accomplish.  More like things I've come to realize I will probably never do.  A schmucket list.

Here are a few things that my schmucket list contains. 

1. Do a cartwheel. 
2. Rollerskate.
3. Swim in water over my head.

I mean, who doesn't know how to rollerskate? 

What's on your schmucket list?

AK-47s

You know the phrase "sweating bullets"?

Well, it's so hot that if my armpits were guns, they'd be AK-47s.

I hate hot weather.

Not to mention my feet, which sweat all the time, no matter the weather, but are particularly sweaty when it's hot.  I put baby powder on them the other day to see if that would help.  It turned into white mud.

So gross.

Yet so true.   It's all true here at Ketchup with the Frys.  Aren't you so happy to be a part of this blog that makes you feel better about yourself?